Bizarre Scenarios
by Mystoftime
Summary: Nine shorts containing each Straw Hat in a rather peculiar situation. None to slight pairings. Mostly light.
1. King of the Cannibals

**Disclaimer:** It's been eaten in honor of this story. Sorry.

_Monkey D. Luffy in…_

**King of the Cannibals**

"Nyah…" the boy twitched in his sleep and rolled over so he was flat on his back. Water lapped at his bare feet, his sandals having been lost in the waves, and a beaten and worn hat lay next to him on the sand, still warm in the fading light. He didn't react to the sun, sea or anything on the beach. A crab crawled across his hand and he only moved it to scratch his belly.

Which rumbled in hunger and the boy sighed, drool starting to come out of his wide-open mouth.

"Sanji… I'm hungry… I want some meat…" he mumbled and continued to salivate excessively as he imagined the heap of food the irritable cook would eventually be pestered into making for him.

Things continued on this way, until the sun had disappeared over the horizon and the boy, Luffy, was spotted.

A population of natives that practiced their own peculiar traditions, so it seemed, inhabited this island, and when they spotted a strange boy lying sprawled on the beach of their island home they weren't sure what to think.

Each one of the dark-skinned islanders, all male, was outfitted in an array of dried leaves and plant materials. Their bodies were decorated in vibrant paints, so their faces were nearly unrecognizable as human. One of their scouts was the first to see the intruder and retrieved the rest of his hunting party. The spirits were with them this time.

They approached cautiously, realizing this was only a human like themselves, but hesitant all the same. A man coated with more intricately painted designs then the rest stepped right up to the boy boldly. His ears were weighed down with bone ornaments and his nose was likewise pierced through. All the natives leaned forward anxiously, grasping their spears and knives for added comfort.

The man took the butt of his own spear and in one swift movement prodded the strange black-haired boy in the side.

Luffy groaned, "Uh." But didn't wake up. The sound was enough for muttered words to rise up from the crowd of people. The lead man scowled and shot back an order in a strange, guttural language.

He poked the boy again and when it failed, the other islanders came forward as well. They all started to poke and prod Luffy in some way or another.

It took another five minutes, but he shifted restlessly in his slumber. Something kept on poking him and it disturbed his rest. His eyebrows knit together and he tried to ignore it. When that didn't work, Luffy burst into consciousness. His eyes snapped open and he went to a sitting position.

He rubbed his head and peered around in confusion, why were all these people staring at him? And why was he so sore?

At Luffy's awakening and his sudden movements, the natives hissed incomprehensibly and backed away. Only the man with bone decorations stayed where he was.

As the rubber boy scratched his head he realized in horror that his treasure was missing. He looked around wildly.

"Hat! Where's hat?"

Luffy's gaze fell on his beloved hat at long last and he grabbed it, shoving it onto his head. A big grin spread across his face. "Ah. I thought I lost you."

The natives were at a loss for words. They didn't know what kind of weird words this human was spewing or what he was doing here. What they _did_ know was that there was a boy sitting cross-legged on their island and he was smiling like he'd found a dear friend.

Which, technically, he had.

He realized where he was for the first time since he'd woken up. Luffy cocked his head in confusion when he saw a bunch of half-naked men with body paint staring at him. "Nani? What going on?"

After a pause, the leader of the islanders spoke to Luffy in his native tongue. When the boy only seemed more confused he tried gestures that would've worked with anyone else, but this was Luffy we're talking about.

Grumbling in frustration the man turned to his comrades again. This man had to have come for a reason.

At that moment, Luffy's stomach growled. The natives jumped in surprise and leveled their spears at the black-haired boy. Their leader unsheathed his knife.

"Huh?" Luffy tried to stand up and fell over instead. He laughed at these weird men. "You guys are funny! Want to be my nakama?"

Silence, as the islanders determined him to be good for their purposes. They could finish what they set out to do and eliminate a possible danger in the process.

"Oi. Do you have any meat?" Luffy wondered aloud. He started to look around for any source of food.

He didn't get any further as the man with bone jewelry strode closer and brought out his knife again. Before Luffy could twitch a muscle, the bottom of the hilt struck him squarely on the head and he passed out cold.

It didn't take long for the natives to pick his slack body up and sling him over their shoulders as one would a slaughtered animal.

They raised their weapons and let out a jubilant cheer of triumph. There'd be a feast tonight.

0~0~0

When Luffy blinked awake he could feel a sense of warmth spreading from his belly and torso and throughout his whole body. He didn't understand why, but it sure felt nice.

He smiled sleepily and probably would have remained in a state of near comatose if his stomach hadn't suddenly got _really_ hot that he could feel his skin burning. Luffy instantly became alert and glanced beneath him.

Flames licked upwards at the boy, hungry as a pack of starving wild dogs. They gave off a tremendous heat that only got hotter as time wore on and they were getting closer and closer to Luffy.

"Ahh!" he screamed and wriggled to get away from the inferno. "Fire! Not good! Not good! Hot!"

But Luffy's efforts were for nothing as his wrists, ankles and middle were tied securely to a thick wooden spit, similar to the kind you roast wild pigs on, with rope-like vines. However, his hat did fall down from its place on his back and hung from his neck within reach of the ravenous flames.

Luffy panicked and continued to yell, rocking back and forth on the huge branch. His eyes were wide and sweat beaded on his brow, sizzling when it touched the fire. The rubber boy swung again and managed to get his straw hat out of danger. But, he was still being roasted alive.

"Agh! Stop! _Stop! STOP IT!" _Luffy's voice rang out impossibly loud and the people roving about the small, jungle village halted in their activities and preparations for a celebration. Startled, they saw that the strange boy was trying to escape his bonds. The tremble of power in his words also made them jump, suddenly and irrationally afraid.

Then, with a giant burst of energy, Luffy heaved with all his strength, which wasn't much at the moment, and the wood finally loosened in its holders. The entire structure, including the spit and what kept it in place, came crashing down into the fire. Luffy rolled off and hit the ground with an oof!

The wind was knocked out of him and he was still struggling for breath when he noticed a searing pain behind him. Luffy turned around in confusion only to see that the back of his pants was alit with blue-white flames.

"Hotttttt!" Luffy yelled at the top of his lungs and tried to pat it out with his hands when it dawned on him they were tied to the bulky piece of wood.

In a panic, he writhed in the dirt, rolling this way and that to put out the fire on his backside. A good five minutes had passed by the time he had extinguished the last of the smoldering embers and quite a crowd of people had gathered at a safe distance, wondering if this odd man was right in the head.

Two more extravagantly dressed men preceded these onlookers and they waited with quizzical expressions as Luffy dragged himself to an awkward sitting position, the spit continuing to be attached to his body.

He puffed out his cheeks and exhaled a deep breath, "Whew! I thought I was a goner there!" Luffy wiped his forehead, checked that his prized possession was atop his head and stared at the elderly man who seemed as perplexed as he and a tad bit bemused.

"Eh?" Luffy wondered and tilted his head to the side. Why were these people staring at him? And what was up with the old man?

The old men opened his mouth and spoke, though the words that came out were incomprehensible gibberish to the rubber boy. In a language of its own and that he'd heard on the beach as well, Luffy sat there.

When he realized that the boy wasn't responding, the man repeated his question. Still no answer and the other man behind him shook his head.

"Ah," he realized that the stranger didn't speak their language. "Why do you interrupt feast?" the man embellished with feathers and stones tried again.

Luffy's eyes went wide with anticipation and his face brightened in its trademark grin. "Sugei! You're having a feast? What's there to eat?"

He was doing his best to contain his excitement when what the elderly man said next made his jaw drop to the ground.

"You."

"NANI?" Luffy exclaimed and strained at the vines that held him to the piece of wood. "I'm not food!"

At his response, the old man grinned an old man smile, baring crooked teeth. "Flesh of a man is a delicacy." A few of the other village natives nodded and smiled as well. Some of the younger men shifted impatiently.

The black-haired boy was still in the process of freaking out. "You eat people?"

The village elder lifted an eyebrow, "Usually that what it means."

"Ah!" Luffy's eyes bugged and he searched desperately for a way out. Even though he didn't really understand, he got the gist of what was happening.

Then he saw it.

A woven mat loaded with fruits, vegetables and above all, meat. The heavenly smell of cooked fowl, pig and deer was breathed in deeply by the starving Straw Hat. Almost unconsciously and driven by his hunger, Luffy got a hand free and stretched.

All the natives froze with shock and the women shrieked as his rubbery arm reached the food and grabbed an entire roasted bird. Luffy's arm snapped back and he dug in, making satisfied smacking sounds.

Everyone in the village watched in disbelief. Was this boy a monster sent to plague their tribe? They couldn't stop staring, but shuffled back apart from the two men at the front.

"Mmm!" Luffy grinned through a mouthful of meat, danger forgotten as he chowed down. "You sure are weird guys!"

He ripped some more meat away from the bone and the older man spoke again, a tad fearfully, "What _are_ you?"

Glancing up in surprise, Luffy continued to smile broadly. He pointed a thumb at himself. "I'm Monkey D. Luffy! I'm going to be the Pirate King!"

The islanders frowned at that, only comprehending by the boy's actions, which were decidedly not the ones of someone sentenced to be devoured.

However, the elderly man was confused as well. He shook his head. "No. How you do that? Be you demon?"

"I'm a rubber man! See?" Luffy grabbed his cheek and pulled. Many of the village gasped as his skin stretched.

"Hm…" the feathered old man turned to the one behind him. They exchanged a few words, with the second man sounding decidedly disgruntled.

Luffy was almost done with his snack and was ready for more, when the first man addressed him again.

"I am Ashmal, chief of this tribe. That is my son, Ikaka." The old man gestured to his companion, the man outfitted in bone jewelry from before. He grunted and spit on the ground, suspicious eyes trained on Luffy.

The rubber boy swallowed, finishing the bird. "Ne, old man. Can I have some more food?"

Ashmal's eyes were curious and the rest of the natives appeared just as intrigued, apart from Ikaka. He waved for two young warriors to come forward.

"You a strange one, Monkey D. Luffy, king of a faraway land. I will spare you," the old man smiled slightly. "Untie him." He spoke in his native tongue.

With a simple gesture from their chief, the two warriors took out their knives. Luffy tried to get away, thinking they were going to kill him anyways.

"No! Wait-" he squeezed his eyes shut as he saw his death.

**Snap!** He felt circulation returning to his ankles and hand and the vines falling away from his middle. Bewildered, Luffy opened his eyes and saw that he was indeed free, the natives already returning the daggers to their sheaths.

He stood up and the wooden spit wasn't tied to his back anymore either. Rubbing his wrists to get the blood going, Luffy grinned at Ashmal.

"Thanks, old man!"

Giving him a bemused glance, the chief raised his arms above his head and shouted something in his language. He repeated it for Luffy's sake.

"Let us treat this boy as an honored guest! We will feast tonight!"

Luffy cheered in excitement with the rest of them, his mind not caring how he'd escaped this time.

0~0~0

Well into the night, the celebration was still at its peak. Everyone took part, even Ikaka laughed as Luffy waved a couple bones like he was trying to fly. The natives were astounded as the strange boy managed to eat through it all with hardly a pause. Their servers were hard-pressed to keep the food coming.

It was like a show and feast in one. Young, old and in between shouting, eating and laughing mostly because Luffy was the most festive of them all and they were amazed at his 'spirit given abilities.' The women and children couldn't resist stretching and pulling at his rubbery body.

Luffy couldn't care less and held a boisterous conversation with the village chief. It didn't matter that earlier these same people had attempted to cook and eat him. Or that their leader had mysteriously accepted him and even fed the ravenous boy.

He didn't even notice the lingering glances both father and son would send his way. The only thing that was dragging Luffy's spirit and mind down was the thought that this party was missing a certain group of people.

"Ahahaha!" Ashmal nearly fell over with laughter as the rubber boy told him of his adventures. "I wouldn't believe it if not for my own ears!"

The chief of the tribe was finding Monkey D. Luffy to be not only a good source of entertainment, but educational and useful as his speech was improving.

Seated at his left-hand side, Luffy nodded. "Yosh. He had these _really_ long ears and there were all these weird animals. They tasted pretty good though."

These stories had attracted much mirth and Ashmal was no different, but this time he detected a sad note to the boy's tale.

He didn't have to ask what as Luffy took a bite out of a particularly juicy fruit and his mouth turned down in a slight frown.

"Oi, old man. Have you seen my nakama?"

The elderly man shook his head. "We have not eat- I mean, met any others besides yourself for weeks."

Luffy glanced at the mat they were sitting upon with a disheartened air.

"Really? There's a man with green hair and three swords, that's Zoro, a girl with red hair who likes money and hits people, Nami, a guy who carries around a purse and likes to tell stories, his name's Usopp, our cook who smokes and swears a lot, Sanji, a reindeer with a pink hat, Chopper, a dark-haired archaeologist, her name's Robin, a cyborg who wears a Speedo, that's Franky and a talking skeleton named Brooke."

Ashmal could only shake his head regretfully again. "We have not seen any who meet those descriptions."

"Oh…"

Seeing the boy so downtrodden, the island chief remembered the reason why he had this feast to begin with. A smooth smile came to his face and he placed a warm hand on Luffy's arm.

"Monkey-kun," Ashmal started. Luffy looked up to see a cocoa colored face with feathers in his hair, bits of bones through his ears and an inviting smile. "We have a surprise for you."

"Huh?" Luffy wondered, but the older man had already taken him by the hand and was leading him around the mats stacked with food and between the scattered natives. They weaved through the crowd until they got to the front.

There was a large throne perched on a raised patch of ground at the forefront of all the celebration. It was carved from a dark, mahogany wood with exquisite workmanship and it was here that Ashmal brought Luffy.

Before the boy could utter any questions, the old chief plopped him onto the throne, and raised his arms to his people to get their attention.

Every pair of eyes gradually traveled to rest on Ashmal and Luffy even though their leader hadn't spoken a word yet, of their own or the boy's. It was as if they were already fully aware of what was about to occur.

Luffy squirmed uncomfortably on the giant throne, questions bursting at the tip of his tongue when the elderly man boomed… a collection of deep, slurring sounds that caused the rest of the natives to shout and drums were beaten in the background.

"They're calling you their king, Monkey-kun," Ashmal smiled and the boy frowned.

"Really?"

He nodded and gestured to Ikaka, a smooth flicking of the fingers. "Yes, but there is one thing you need to do before you become so."

If Luffy wasn't lost before, he was now.

"Nani? But, I need to get back to my nakama-"

"Ikaka!" Ashmal shouted over the ruckus and over the rubber boy's excuses.

In one motion, Ikaka brought out a large shape wrapped in banana leaves with the help of a young warrior, barely a man, and took off the covering to reveal what was inside.

The cheering of, "Jia! Jia!" which must've meant king in the villagers' native tongue, rose to a clamorous summit up to when the package was unveiled and Luffy gasped in shock.

Horror was evident on his youthful face, as the boy clasped his straw hat for assurance that he was indeed there. His eyes glanced anxiously at an excited Ashmal before they returned the unnerving sight of an artfully prepared human corpse.

Yet, no matter how nicely it was displayed, none of Luffy's revulsion at seeing what was left of a man's rugged face, roasted and grilled amidst exotic fruits, leaked away. None of the vegetation hid the torn hole in his torso where he must've been skewered and Luffy could only stare.

His first reaction might have been that it was cool. In fact, usually that would be his reaction to anything, as his crewmates would testify, but this… he had come so _close_ to ending up like this. What a humiliating way to die and Luffy was sad for this unfortunate, unnamed man.

"Oi, old man. I-is this a real man?" Luffy didn't need to ask, but he felt it was necessary and he clung to a shred of hope that it wasn't true.

There was no sound from the watching natives, including Ikaka and the young warrior. Ashmal was gazing at him expectantly, an almost proud smile on his withered lips.

"Yes. It is honor to take part of the flesh of the spirits." He bowed his head and looked like he honestly believed what he was saying.

But Luffy didn't.

Anger flashed in his eyes as he instinctively began to back away from the body. He glared at Ashmal, Ikaka and every other native.

"How could you?" Luffy whispered, staring at the ground and shadows over his face. Then his voice rose to a thunderous roar. "HOW COULD YOU?"

Standing up, he drew back an arm and prepared to kick all their asses until his fury was gone and they were beaten to a pulp.

Then the chief took action, "Seize him!"

A literal sea of warriors converged on Luffy and he started to fight them all back. It worked for a little while, when, suddenly and unexplainably, he could feel his strength leave him. He slumped over in the tight grips of two burly village men with spears and they dragged him back to the throne.

Weakly and still held down by warriors, Luffy gave Ashmal a look filled with rage and hurt. "Why?"

"It is our way and will also be yours," the old man replied grimly. He turned around and came back with a meat-encrusted bone from the human corpse. "Eat Monkey D. Luffy."

The man's flesh was drawn closer and closer to Luffy's mouth and he struggled uselessly.

"No! _No!_ I need to return to my nakama!" Ashmal had the human bone by his cheek now. "I won't eat it! I _won't!_"

"Eat!" the chief demanded and the other villagers took up the mantra, chanting it louder as the man's flesh nudged his lips and Luffy zipped them tight, twisting his head wildly.

The stuff was about to enter his mouth when a shock coursed through Luffy, like he'd been electrified… or kicked. His vision faded and he could hear voices…

0~0~0

"Luffy! Oi, shithead!" Sanji yelled and kicked the snoring boy in the ribs again. "Get off your lazy ass!"

The rubbery captain of the Straw Hat crew had fallen asleep on the head of the _Thousand Sunny_ and consequently missed lunch. It was almost unheard of by any of his crewmembers, but they'd let him be. Until now, when Sanji had to rouse him, after all he'd cooked extra, expecting Luffy, and no one wasted food while he was the cook.

"Damn it, Luffy!"

Finally, Sanji's third kick got Luffy to stir. He groaned as he staggered into the realm of the conscious before his eyes suddenly shot open and he bolted upright, falling off the Sunny's head in the process.

Rubbing his head where he'd just gained a big bump, Luffy sat on the deck and looked around before he saw Sanji. "Nani? What is it, Sanji?"

Sanji's eyebrow twitched at how clueless Luffy was, but at least he was awake now.

"You missed lunch, shithead." The cook shoved a plate with a single piece of meat on it, steaming and fresh out of the oven. He set it on the ground and gave Luffy another glare. "Don't even ask for more. It was your own damn fault you slept through a meal."

With a last murmur of 'shitty captain,' Sanji turned on his heel and walked away. He didn't stay to see Luffy dig into his food with his normal gusto and rudeness.

However, that didn't happen.

Luffy stared at the plate of meat in front of him as if it was a poisonous snake about to bite him. He stayed this way for several more seconds with eyes as wide as saucers.

Then, he abruptly leaped up and pointed accusingly at the meat on a bone, "Agh! Stay away from me!"

He screamed and raced off in the opposite direction as fast as his feet would carry him. No way was he going to eat that! He wouldn't fall for the same trick twice.

Zoro and Usopp watched with absolute disbelief, so total that they stayed frozen in their positions for minutes after Luffy had vanished following his frantic outburst. Usopp had been making more pachinko after their last battle. Zoro was training and making sure Luffy didn't fall into the sea while he slept. He'd nearly dropped a 400-pound weight on his toe when he and Usopp saw Luffy's reaction, to _meat_ of all things.

They twitched, freed from their momentary paralysis. The swordsman glanced at the sniper.

"Oi, do you know what just happened?" Zoro asked, a befuddled expression on his stern face.

Usopp blinked and shook his head, "I have no idea."

0~0~0

**Author's Note: **Introducing… *drum roll please* **Bizarre Scenarios**! And now Luffy is inexplicably afraid of meat… This is the first in a series of nine short stories, each containing one of the Straw Hat pirates as the main character. Some may contain them away from the others, like in this one, and others may have them interacting with their crewmembers more.

I hope you enjoyed this first one, starring our lovable, huggable Luffy. There will be more to come, hopefully one per week, though I'm always more motivated when I get reviews from you guys. Next up is Zoro as I'm trying to do it in the order they joined the crew. What will happen when someone tries to fix his bad attitude? Find out in the next bizarre scenario! Your thoughts and criticism are loved and thank you ever so much for reading!

**Edit:** I've gone over some minor edits in this chapter and now believe it's free of errors. Yay! :D But feel free to point out any additional mistakes in grammar for any of the chapters.


	2. Obedience School

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything concerning One Piece, only the plot of this story. Think otherwise and I'll sick Zoro on you.

_Roronoa Zoro in…_

**Obedience School**

_ Why? Why did this have to happen? Why now?_ Zoro despaired as he ran despite his pride.

He couldn't stand in fight. He wished that he could like he would in any other instance, but this person was different… and way too persistent. Zoro ducked and weaved through the roiling mass of marines, spotting one of his crewmates engaged in combat every once in a while. He longed to join them in the fray and even stopped during his flight.

Though he'd taken down a good amount of marines before he was seen and had added to the count even as he ran, his victims bearing his frustration heaped on the ground, it wasn't enough. It was no secret that the swordsman loved to fight. Zoro loved the thrill and excitement of seeing through his opponents' moves, of twisting in impossible ways, testing his techniques, and, yes, the feel of his razor-sharp blades cutting through skin and muscle.

Zoro's keen eyesight caught his pursuer's shape and he took off.

"Damn," he cursed and jabbed an unlucky marine in the gut as he passed. But now he was deprived of this joy and all because of _her_. What was her damn problem? Couldn't she leave him in somewhat peace?

The swordsman hated this feeling. An ache in his stomach that had started in his heart and dropped down as if he'd free- fell off a steep cliff. Zoro knew this feeling from many years back and considered it a sign that he was still human.

That the blood on his hands and the bodies that were left in his wake hadn't turned him into something else and it was this heartache, this sense of loss that reassured him when he lay awake in the middle of night. But, this had changed when Zoro met _her_. He didn't need that feeling to be constant. He'd lived through enough of it when his pain was fresh and yet, it doused him like a bucket of ice water whenever he saw that familiar visage.

It didn't stop him from running, however as he fled from his memories as much as his pursuer. Zoro's breath came in quick, steady pants as his boots thudded on the deck of the marine ship. He had to resist looking over his shoulder to see whether he was still being chased.

Unfortunately the swordsman didn't realize that he'd sprinted right to a dead end, or more correctly, the edge of the ship. His eyes widened as he stared out over the wooden railing and into the frothy sea. Zoro stood there, catching his breath and trying to ease his thumping heart, not so much from exertion, but anxiety at having to face that person.

Zoro's hands clenched the railing so hard that his knuckles went white. Crap. There was only one option left-to turn and face his pursuer. He went for his swords at the same instant he saw a shadowed figure framed on the upper deck, just a jump away. The dark clouds obscured most of the person's face, but Zoro didn't need any confirmation to know who it was.

Double crap.

His eyes went to the ocean again. It was wild and unruly, but he was a strong swimmer. All he had to do was get back to their ship… if he could see it through the poor weather.

_What are you? A coward?_ Zoro's inner voice scolded him and he silently agreed.

That is until he turned to the person that was quickly closing in on him.

"Roronoa! Stand and fight me like a man!" a strong, female voice cried over the wind and the sounds of the ebbing battle.

He made up his mind. "No way in hell!"

Without another glance back at _her_, Zoro jumped onto the railing and dove into the awaiting sea.

As soon as he hit the frigid waters it dawned on Zoro that he had not only overestimated himself, but also underestimated the ocean. A fatal mistake when one lived their life at sea.

The waves were much bigger up close and every time the swordsman tried to slice cleanly through them his efforts were rewarded with a wave to his face. It didn't matter that Zoro possessed monstrous strength. It was the ocean he was against and it would always win.

Zoro struggled to keep his head above the frothing waves after a particularly nasty one pushed him under, filling his mouth and throat with the salty water, He coughed and paddled furiously, the current always pushing him back. But despite it all, he was making no progress.

The lights of both ships, marine and pirate, were merely dim flickers in the midst of the accumulating storm. The quickly tiring green-haired man felt an aura of despair settle upon his shoulders.

He could keep on swimming, or trying to and it would get him nowhere. So what else could he do, but surrender? To the sea and to the probability that, even if he did yell, no help would come.

Spitting out another mouthful of seawater that had sneaked in, Zoro shook himself. Goddamnit! He was going to be the best swordsman in the world with a spirit that could trump anyone's! He'd rather lose a couple limbs before accepting death so easily. And what would Luffy say if he saw him now?

His captain's disappointed face and his dream gave Zoro the will to continue to try and try he did.

He could swear the bobbing lights were getting closer and had learned to ignore his leaden arms and legs when the sea decided to end his fruitless attempts.

Zoro's eyes widened a little, for he had seen death before, however he hadn't viewed or guessed that it would be in the form of this.

Of a gigantic, monster wave, capped in white that loomed over him and the swordsman swam faster. There was no way he could out swim this wave, Zoro knew, but he had to give it a shot.

But, his pride and honor made him turn once again. Yes, he would face this natural disaster as he would any opponent… That made him wince as he thought of the woman aboard the marine ship. Yet either way, he would die with his head held high.

"Come on, you son of a bitch! Take me if you dare!" Zoro roared as the dark wall of water hung over his head for a millisecond before it came crashing down.

And crashing down it did, curving in on itself to envelop the swordsman and plunge him into the murky depths of the ocean.

There were a few things Zoro noticed before the wave struck and dragged him down into the water, unable to reach the surface. The answering roars of the wind, rain and pounding sea was one. It had seemed menacing, yet he found it oddly fitting, because now, as he sunk below the upper world, it was peaceful. Like he was in a dream, as everything seemed to have slowed around him, taking a more languid and tranquil atmosphere.

Zoro peered at the water, an array of blue shades that were not seen above. It wasn't crazed or wild either. But, the horrendous current that had aided his defeat was still tugging at his sinking body. The man glanced up, just that movement causing some of his precious few air bubbles to escape.

It was already so far away, the surface. Zoro experimented and kicked feebly, moving his heavy arms at the same time. However, every muscle in his body screamed in protest, his lungs and heart shrieking the loudest. It seemed his body had reached its limit even though his mind had not, exhausted and unable to move anymore.

His last kick and stroke inched him a little towards the lighter blue and air, his lungs straining for the oxygen. Zoro grimaced, he couldn't, and he wasn't strong enough.

A sense of such utter helplessness entered the stoic swordsman that he wanted to hide from the world.

_He wasn't strong enough… Damn…_

It was something that always boosted his vigor and made him work harder. Something that caused his training to become so intense, his nakama feared for his health, and sanity, but none of that stopped him, Zoro would hone his skills even further.

Only that wasn't the case now. Zoro let his muscles relax and his limbs fall to his sides. His gaze left the surface to drift as his whole being was, to land on his three treasured swords.

He didn't have to be a genius to figure out that the katanas he'd used to defend his dream for so long would help bring him closer to death. They would be his downfall, as their heavy metal weight fought against Zoro nearly as much as the sea.

Usually when he leapt into the ocean to save Luffy or to train, he removed his swords and haramaki. This time he didn't as he was both panicked and in the presence of enemies.

Smiling, Zoro thought that if he had to replay the past moments over, he wouldn't change a thing. His beloved swords, especially the one that was his promise, would remain be his side to the end.

Zoro's vision began to fade to where there was more black than blue. He didn't look back at his regrets of the past, like most tended to do in their final thoughts. No, the swordsman was as content as a man who had lost his chance to achieve his lifetime dream could be. He'd sailed the seas, fought many a strong opponent, gone on unbelievable adventures, and done it all with Luffy and the rest of his nakama.

That would be enough to satisfy him. It would have to be.

His strength continued to sap away and Zoro smirked, his last mockery at death as the last bubbles floated up and away.

The swordsman's sight was mostly black and his oxygen-deprived mind and body was beyond his control when he saw one more thing before he shut his eyes forever.

A familiar visage that he wouldn't forget as long as he lived, or died, the determined face of his childhood friend with black hair and eyes that should have been those of a child, but were not.

_Kuina?_ Zoro managed to think weakly through the fog clouding his mind.

_No, no, not Kuina._

He wasn't thinking clearly or really at all and there was no smile on her features like there usually was when he had dreams of his past. Yet, Zoro sighed inwardly. He was glad to glimpse her anyways, even if his memory wasn't perfect.

Zoro saw the image vanish and the smile stayed on his face. He was ready to see her again, this time for real.

0~0~0

The first thing Zoro noticed when he woke up was that he wasn't dead. Which would make sense considering he actually woke in the first place. This was enough to shock any man who had felt for sure that he wouldn't come back this time. Zoro wasn't just any man, but he still couldn't help staring at his hands in awe when he rose to a sitting position.

They functioned as well as normal when his brain commanded them to move. Zoro couldn't stop the smirk from coming to his lips and spreading to a full-blown grin.

He'd survived. It was as simple as that, but the normally collected swordsman could barely prevent himself from whooping in glee. But he didn't have to worry about this uncharacteristic urge for long as he stopped staring at his hands and scanned his surroundings instead.

Zoro stood from where he sat on a bed with white sheets. He was in a room. There wasn't much in it, only the bed, a low table by its side and a couple ink paintings on the otherwise bare walls. His eyes narrowed as his instincts immediately searched for an exit.

Aha! One door and one window that appeared a little abnormal, but he checked the door first anyways. Needless to say, Zoro was surprised when it opened at the slightest touch of his hand. Frowning, he was about to go investigate when he heard voices.

He strode quickly to the window, his suspicions at what was going on heightening by the second. His glance out the door had revealed a vase in the next room with a sakura branch displayed in it and that coupled with the unfamiliar feel telling him he was in enemy territory made for tenseness that didn't go well with Zoro's sore muscles. That near drowning had really taken a lot out of him.

Near the window, Zoro began to distinguish the voices and started to search outside for their owners when he realized why the window had looked so weird. His hands clenched around wooden bars. Bars! He didn't even have to think in what situation bars would be on a window, which still didn't explain the unlocked door.

Cursing, he turned his attention on the sight beyond the bars and he scowled at what he saw.

"What the hell?" he murmured when a young marine marched into view followed by _her_, the damn woman, who seemed quite put off.

"Don't question orders, marine! I'm your superior, aren't I?" the dark-haired woman pushed her glasses farther up on her nose and managed to make it look threatening.

"Y-yes, Sergeant Tashigi!" the man stammered and saluted.

Tashigi continued to glare at him however. "I've got Roronoa under control. Go tell your captain that he'll be bound and interrogated. I've my own way of dealing with things."

Her subordinate seemed confused before deciding to salute and agreed would be the best option. "Yes sir, I mean, ma'am!"

"Good and take the rest of the men with you," Tashigi nodded. "This never happened.

Saluting once more, the marine scurried off and Zoro could hear the sounds of more of the obedient dogs falling suit. He waited for the sounds of marching feet to fade before he assumed a thoughtful expression. A few minutes later, the swordsman turned from the barred window and walked out the door.

0~0~0

"So, I'll be bound and interrogated, huh?" a voice spoke in a detached manner.

Tashigi had been watching the marines leave with a hand on the hilt of her own katana when she heard the voice. She jumped in surprise and brought her sword in front of her to defend herself.

To see Zoro's steady, icy gaze on her while he stood in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest.

Roronoa Zoro took a couple steps forward, then leaned against the side of the small building he'd come out of. "What _I_ want to know… is where the hell am I and what the hell _you_ are doing here."

She took several deep breaths of air, still recovering from the shock.

"That's no way to speak to the one who pulled your half-drowned ass out of the ocean," Tashigi retorted and grimaced from the breathy tone.

Zoro narrowed his eyes at the woman. Hm, so it hadn't been Kuina or his mind's replication of her, it had been this copying witch, who he couldn't seem to get away from no matter what.

This man was dangerous, Tashigi knew… and rather dumb. Who in their right mind would jump into the ocean in the middle of a storm? Nobody with brains that's for sure…

She regained some of her dignity despite the swordsman's cold stare. Tashigi sheathed her swordsman, but kept her hand on the hilt, just in case.

"This is my private dojo," the marine woman answered his question while making it clear it was _she_ who was running the show. "_You_, Roronoa, are being held in custody as you heard before."

"Uh huh…" Zoro responded skeptically and made a snorting noise that sounded suspiciously like laughter being held in unsuccessfully. Tashigi was immediately offended. How dare he poke at fun at her time after time! It only strengthened her resolve to change that.

In fact, Tashigi's intuitive guess was correct. Zoro found this situation both hilarious and mildly upsetting. Upsetting because he was probably on a strange island with a woman he couldn't fight properly and leagues away from the Thousand Sunny and its passengers, and hilarious because _she_ thought she could keep _him_ from escaping. Sure Zoro's inability to face her without being reminded of his deceased sparring partner, but his recent ordeal had toughened him so he would use force if necessary and bang the female marine up a little.

Amusement won out over worry. "Oi, if you're keeping me prisoner…" he paused as Tashigi's cheeks were tinged with pink. Maybe that hadn't come out right. Oh well. "… then why am I standing here and not inside some cell? I knew the marines had low standards, but not as low as _this_." Zoro gestured at his so-called 'prison'. It was a traditional dojo, but wasn't really built to keep high-risk criminals restrained.

Tashigi glared at him behind her glasses.

"As a matter of fact, this is only temporary. Once I fix your attitude and wring some info out of you, I'm bringing you into the nearest marine base." The woman smiled at a thought. "And a holding cell with your name on it."

Zoro only heard a few of the words and raised an eyebrow.

"Fix. My. Attitude?" he repeated slowly, a challenging look rising to his eyes.

The marine woman would have known of that, though.

"_Yes._" Tashigi retorted and put a hand on her hip. "You have a terrible attitude at the world in general…" The swordsman snorted, he'd heard this before. "And… especially woman," she finished and locked eyes with the pirate standing across from her.

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Nani?"

"You heard me, you sexist bastard."

"I'm _not_ sexist!" Zoro protested and uncrossed his arms. Oh, how he wanted to wring her scrawny, little neck.

However, the damn woman that looked way too much like Kuina just gave him a doubtful glance.

"We'll see about that." Tashigi strode past the irritated swordsman and into the dojo.

There was nothing Zoro could do, but wait for her to return and see what happened. He cast a bored, yet displeased glance around him. Deciduous trees bordered the grassy area in front of the quaint building, a worn path winding into the woods. Though it was well hidden, Zoro could hear the sound of the ocean beating against the surf in an ever-existent rhythm.

Freedom from Tashigi was so close, he could taste it. The salt carried on the wind and the sake that would hit his tongue when he was reunited with Luffy and the rest. And Zoro would've gone right then and there, anxious to be rid of this woman as soon as possible. If only something wasn't holding him back, and that something were his three swords.

When Zoro left his swords in the hands of the government or any potential enemy you could predict the world was about to end if it hadn't already from the sheer improbability of it all. So, there he was, a wanted man leaning against a wood support of the building and racking his brains on how to get himself out of this mess.

First order of business; retrieve his katanas. The raven-haired witch would surely know. He was staring out into the distance deep in thought, his gaze on a thick wooden pole in the ground that would be used for swords practice when Tashigi burst outside.

His curiosity reluctantly peaked when he saw that she was carrying a length of thick, coiled chains. She was sweating a little from the burden, but continued on her way until she plopped them next to another pile of links at the bottom of the training stake. Zoro had noticed this out-of-place decoration earlier and hadn't given it much thought, but he did now as Tashigi took hold of one end of a chain.

The bemused smirk that consequently came to his tanned face couldn't be helped. It was a little like his dealings with the love-cook, he wasn't able to resist teasing a person once they forced him into a less than comfortable situation.

As Tashigi toiled over the chains, her arms jerking with a repetitive motion and her back to him, Zoro broke.

"Kinky," he muttered under his breath, but loud enough for the young woman to catch what was said.

A blush rose to Tashigi's face and she trembled with growing anger and annoyance. Zoro grin got a little bigger.

"Shut up!" the marine swordswoman shot him a glare and finished whatever she was doing with those chains at the pole. "You'll see soon enough."

Zoro shrugged and tried to distract himself, but his wariness made him keep his sights on her back. That distrust had saved his life many times, so he wasn't about to ignore it now.

Tashigi stood up and brushed off her jacket and pants. The swordsman still couldn't see her handiwork without craning his head or moving from his spot. He felt no need to do so as he could be patient when a circumstance demanded.

_It could be torture…_ Zoro mused. _I wouldn't put it below the marines._

He narrowed his eyes when Tashigi faced him, chain in hand.

"It's not for torture if you're thinking that," she hissed through gritted teeth. "But I could tie you up and leave you out here if you'd like, Roronoa." Tashigi smiled slightly and Zoro bristled. If this woman thought she could hold any sway over him…

Her next words sent a warning shock through his body. "You're probably wondering where your swords are…"

He snapped. "What the hell did you do with them-?"

One shift to her right and Zoro saw what she'd been doing.

There, chained to the base of the training pole were his katanas and as he watched Tashigi yanked the end of her chain and the swords were sent almost to the top of the tall piece of wood, much like a flag would be raised. She fastened the last links of the chain to the grassy ground and stood back to admire her work.

Zoro said nothing and even if he wanted to, he couldn't he was quaking with so much fury. His face had gone red with his frustration and his fists clenched and unclenched. He wanted direly to cross those few feet between them and throttle the woman until she screamed for mercy.

And he would have… if he hadn't observed that there weren't three swords tied to the pole. There were two, Shuusui and Sandai Kitetsu. The third was missing and Zoro knew just how to blame.

"Where's Wado Ichimonji?" the swordsman spoke slowly, trying to keep his voice calm and level. His every muscle strained towards Tashigi as she watched his reaction warily, her anxiety growing.

If she pushed Roronoa too far she realized she would be in deep trouble, even deeper than she already was for taking justice into her own hands. But her brand of justice was still that with Tashigi continuing to reign in this demon of a man. After all, she had her own self-respect and practiced the way of the sword same as he.

This was why she hardly flinched at the deadly aura Zoro exuded and shadowed features. Tashigi wanted to, but held firm.

"You mean the white one?" she asked innocently.

She was treading on dangerous ground and Zoro's intensive training over self-control was all that let him answer without moving. How could he be so stupid? Letting _that_ katana fall into this marine woman's hands… it was unforgiveable.

He stared anywhere but at Tashigi's face. "_Yes_," he growled.

Tapping her chin thoughtfully, the marine glanced at the chained swords again. "Well, for one, I'm not stupid. I know you could easily retrieve your katanas even like this and I _can't_ have you leaving without wringing valuable information from your mind. It's an order I can't disobey," she lied. "As insurance I'm keeping Wado Ichimonji somewhere safe. You won't go without such a beautiful sword, but if you did… I'd gladly keep it if not."

"You're bluffing."

"You owe me, Roronoa."

At this moment Tashigi reminded Zoro sourly of that damned navigator. Right down to the slyness of her manipulating and scheming. It was sickening and he almost blanched.

"I'm going to kill you, bitch," Zoro growled.

Tashigi looked back at him expectantly, "You're going to fight me without running?" She couldn't deny she wished to do so as much as capturing Roronoa.

He wasn't stupid either. The woman had made her motives very clear and he wasn't going to succumb to any of her demands, including fixing his _attitude_.

"You won't have enough time to do a thing," Zoro stated simply as he would a true, yet cruel fact.

They glared at each for another few seconds before Tashigi huffed and stalked back inside the dojo, slamming the door behind her.

Zoro stayed outside on the little porch and stared up at the darkening sky.

_Damn, what am I going to do…_

0~0~0

Within a few days, marine and pirate had fallen into an uneasy routine. Not a moment of it passed without hatred, distaste and suspicion on both sides, but it was there nevertheless.

It didn't take long for Zoro to discover that Tashigi's dojo was indeed that, though it was lacking a few things- namely, swords. He'd expected to see the kinds of sabers the marines used or possibly some decent katanas, at least shinai, but there were none. His only explanation was she took away all possible weapons in a chance he'd use it against her. Zoro reluctantly acknowledged her foresight, though not aloud.

But now the swordsman was faced with another problem on the side of everything else. He was going stir crazy. Usually, Zoro spent most of his day sleeping or training. Now, however, he only took short naps and dozed, not daring to give the marine woman an opening and his training methods had been severely cut down.

Either way, Zoro was not going to remain inside the spacious, lightly decorated building with a slight feminine touch in the blossoms that added a burst of color and scent around the rooms. Of which there were only a few, all centered on the main, biggest one that led to the door. So, after quickly deciding there was nothing to do inside in his initial exploration, Zoro constantly found himself outdoors.

Where he could escape Tashigi's watchful eyes and occasional questions, all challenging in their own way. Zoro found the best way was through meditation, at least his urge to kill something faded and nearly disappeared. He selected a position by a nearby stream and would sit there for hours at a time, focusing on strengthening his spirit and mind.

Eventually, Tashigi became curious and moved practicing her sword katas to the other side of the trickling river. Though she disliked and wanted to turn Roronoa in as badly as ever, she found that she respected and admired his strength. It was the only peaceful time between them, when they were joined in training. Their breathing, hers panting from using her sword in techniques and his deep and steady, were interwoven, the only sure things that existed outside the sound of the river flowing into the ocean and the distant calls of birds.

Zoro couldn't be satisfied by these moments, alone or not. His gaze would constantly turn towards his chained katanas, causing anger to flare his eyes again. At the woman who sat a fair distance away from him, eating with her chopsticks, who made his heart twinge and his body cringe every time he saw her face or heard her spoke.

It was inconceivable they could be so alike.

Yet, the green-haired man wasn't fooled by her appearance, as in the evening and sometimes morning, Tashigi would lead him to a room with a chair and table and lock the door. Her true colors as a dog of the government would show as she chained him to the table and bombarded him with questions, some pertaining to his crew and nakama, others to more personal demands to change his attitude towards women and to quit being a coward. More often than not, Zoro would sit there and glare, not responding with anything other than snarky, uninformative comments and managing to look like as arrogant as always.

On the worst of days, she would get so frustrated she'd scream at him and tear at her hair. Those evenings she'd leave the interrogation room, glasses askew and vein pulsing in her temple, without the swordsman. He would be left, chained in the room for the rest of the night until the sun rose again. Zoro would stare out the window then, as each room in the dojo had one, and think.

_She's nothing like Kuina._

0~0~0

A week had passed and Zoro was beginning to wonder if his nakama even noticed he was missing and if so, who had taken him hostage. Though, he used that word loosely. Tashigi's version of confining and beating a new take on the world into his head was a strange way to take care of a pirate. In fact, he doubted whether this was allowed in the first place.

If he could just get Wado Ichimonji… then he would be free to leave.

Zoro sighed and reclined on a collection of rocks jutting out of the sparse grass bordering the sand. The black-haired Tashigi had moved on to a different tactic, reaching out with simple niceties, trying to have a cordial conversation while wincing in disgust the entire time, and being less present. Zoro appreciated the last, even if it wouldn't work, and was grudgingly impressed at not just her persistence, but her strong will to get things done her way that shone through all she did. Her training, the way Tashigi conducted herself… he was a little surprised such an independent woman worked beneath others.

But then Zoro would witness the times where he saw the fragile, vulnerable girl underneath her determination. It reminded him that she was human, weak like the rest and made him feel both relieved and guilty for being so.

Was it risky to know an enemy this well?

One week. That wasn't long, but it had been the longest week Zoro had ever had.

He stretched his arms and put his hands behind his head before closing his eyes, content to listen to the waves on the beach. Zoro stayed this way for a while when he heard the light clattering of the pebbles that littered the sandy stretch and signified someone was coming.

Bracing himself, Zoro turned his senses towards the newcomer, but he knew who it was even before they sat down near him.

There was a heavy sigh and he cracked an eye open to see Tashigi. Her eyes were downcast and her head hung as if she was weary of everything. Even as Zoro kept a curious eye on her, she wrapped her arms around her knees and drew her legs into her body. Beside her, was the sword she always carried, a fine quality one that Zoro was swift to recognize.

Seconds turned to minutes and those also dragged on. The sun was beginning to set, lighting the sky and ocean aflame with hues of pink, orange and red. Zoro opened both eyes to see it better when they got to the hour mark. To be a swordsman he had to be in touch with his surroundings and could feel the day's end nearing. The colorful cycle put him more at ease than he'd been for days.

As the sun soaked ocean beat on the sand and rocks in a gentle lull, Tashigi spoke, "Sometimes… I wonder how one person on one side of the world could be seeing the same sight I am on the other. Even though we're miles apart we're still connected by such a simple thing."

The swordsman raised an eyebrow. He wasn't the philosophical type, preferring to just accept the way things were. If he didn't like how they were, he could attempt to change it, but it merely existed. It was meant to be so he would just wait and see how it panned out. Then making his own path.

So, he couldn't get why this woman was talking about a sunset like it was a big pot of feeling.

When Zoro didn't remark, Tashigi frowned and tightened her grip on her legs. If she could get an answer…

"Roronoa," she started. "Why won't you fight me?"

That illicit a reaction and his expression went from confused to mildly irritated in a second. It seemed they always came back to this.

"I did."

"No, you didn't," Tashigi argued. No way was he being let off that easily and that scuffle could hardly count. "You were fooling with me."

He shrugged. "So what if I was?"

The marine's head whipped around so she could glare at him, her glasses perched on her head.

"Screw you. You have problems and if it's with women…"

" That was never it. If anyone knows how strong women can be it's me," he neatly bit his tongue to stop the words. "I didn't have to accept," Zoro put in.

Tashigi was thrown off balance. "What?"

"In a challenge you don't have to accept. It may not be honorable usually, but in my case it was the best decision. If I want to keep a promise and a dream alive."

"What do you mean?"

She couldn't grasp why this seemed to mean so much to this man. Before, it had seemed obvious he was a condescending piece of scum that considered him above those, who may be, admittedly, weaker than them. But now, Roronoa had made his standing clear.

Zoro narrowed his eyes to glare at the woman, his head still propped by his arms. She was too nosy and that would get her killed. He couldn't understand why he was talking to her to begin with., but it wasn't as difficult or strange as he would have predicted. It actually felt, like they understood the other on some higher level.

He settled for silence and relaxed further on the rocks. Zoro could afford it, as he had the marine's weakness exposed.

"You're a horrible person!" Tashigi suddenly burst out and stood, hands in fists by her sides.

This was getting tiring and Zoro was suffering from lack of sleep on top of other things. All he wanted was to be left alone to think and figure out how to get his swords back…

He blinked in surprise that_ could be it._

The thought of going back brightening his outlook, Zoro yawned and stretched. He had his dream to fulfill

"Most pirates are," he replied to Tashigi. "But it's all a matter of perspective." He gave her an arrogant smile. "Kind of like your two places, one vision story."

For several heartbeats they looked at one other, each seeing a new side to their enemy.

Never once had Tashigi considered a pirate, much less one of Roronoa's caliber and reputation to be so… so… so moral. Though he hadn't said it, or much of anything, she could see it in his eyes, so dark and filled with shadows. There were two sides all right and not just of two separate people, but of one person.

Zoro had guessed earlier that it couldn't have been easy for a woman to become a marine sergeant. It was a struggle one born a man like himself could never imagine and he saw the relentlessness to never give up as she looked away and tilted her head to the painted sky. He could admire that, as he had in Kuina. Maybe, they had the same fire. Two sides, one life, it has always been there.

"I don't trust you…" Tashigi breathed softly. "But…" She locked eyes with Zoro and gave a little smile. She grabbed her sword and held tight. "You are a true swordsman."

It was a turn of events he hadn't anticipated, yet he smirked all the same. "I suppose you aren't going to have a change of heart and give me my katana back? Or is that heart too strong to break?" Zoro held out a hand and feigned grabbing her sword instead.

Tashigi clutched it to her chest with a laugh. Her eyes widened in surprise and guilt came to her face. "Never. You're still my prisoner, Roronoa."

She vanished with the last rays of light and Zoro sat up, scratching his head. He wondered what exactly happened. Had he actually connected with the female marine for a time there?

Yes, that had definitely been interesting and Zoro just hoped his newfound respect for Tashigi wouldn't disrupt his plan.

0~0~0

Only one light was on in the entire dojo, a flickering candle that Zoro switched his gaze to every few seconds. When that moved, so did he from his place sitting on the bed in his room. He smiled and the moonlight hit his face, creating a devious look.

In the main room of the building, Tashigi looked into the flame of the candle. Its simplistic beauty was memorizing and made her remember the way Roronoa had looked when he spoke of two and one. A similar fire had burned there, as it did in her and in a few selective others. What it was, she didn't' t know, but it terrified her. Tashigi took the cup of tea in her hands and brought it to her lips.

A shiver ran through her and she nearly dropped it. That swordsman was so different and his confidence seemed to boost her own. The mere fact that she _admired_ him was scary enough when she didn't know how he'd act. It was about time she finished her personal issues with Roronoa before bringing him to the base. The very one she'd disobeyed to satisfy her questions and bring him to her private dojo.

Tashigi brought the tea to her mouth again, blowing on it before taking a sip. The hot liquid scalded her tongue, but warmed her throat as it went down and the feeling spread to her fingertips. Her hands closed around the folds in her skirt, uncertain, then she rose from her knees and picked up the candle with her free hand.

She made her way to her room, the bobbing light illuminating the way.

He caught the shift of the shadows and the shuffle of clothes and he crossed to the doorway. With a last glance at his room for the past week, Zoro strode forward with the ease and silence of a born hunter. Flattening himself against the wall, he waited for his prey to come within range, oblivious to danger.

In a span too short to recount, he reacted to the change in light and pounced. Tashigi was knocked backwards with a startled cry, the candle and tea crashed to the floor, the cup shattering while the extinguished candle rolled to a halt. Boots crushed broken pottery as Zoro whirled Tashigi around and pushed so that she was pressed against the nearest wall.

One hand held her wrists above her head in an iron grip and the other… the other held a sword to the base of her throat. Tashigi swallowed a gasp and gazed up to see Zoro's steely eyes pinned on her. She winced involuntarily and tried to get free. He only moved an inch to accommodate her struggles.

"H-how?" her strangled voice asked.

His grin was demonic and Tashigi couldn't believe he was the same man as earlier that night. Honorable and passionate about where his life would lead and confidant that he would determine it. All she saw now was a criminal aiming to kill.

"You know when you said that I could probably get my other two swords free?" Zoro prodded and flicked his gaze to a second blade at his hip. "You were right, it was pretty easy."

Tashigi frowned. This was bound to happen, so why didn't she it?

"You're going to kill me." It wasn't a question, but a statement.

Now it was Zoro's turn to frown. "Eh, I was thinking about it, since what you've done is unforgiveable." She cringed as he voiced her thoughts from a while back. "However… I need my katana back, the white one. " He clarified and leaned in threateningly.

She tried not to look at the blade at her neck. "I would never tell you where it is in the name of justice!"

"Justice?" Zoro gave her a skeptical look.

Caught in her lie, Tashigi turned his head away in shame. It would've been better to give him to the government at once and be spared from facing his swords again. She sighed, her curiosity and pride wouldn't allow it.

The swordsman sighed. "That's what I thought. But, I'm not worried about if you tell me or not, because I already know."

Shock petrified her as Zoro's smirk spread and he unsheathed Wado Ichimonji. He lay the blade out for her too see.

"I-It's impossible!"

Sheathing the katana, he shook his head. "It was hidden in plain sight. You most likely thought I would never guess it would be in your room of all places."

Tashigi squeezed her eyes shut. This couldn't be happening. She wasn't supposed to die this way. She'd underestimated this monster of a man.

Then she heard the unmistakable sound of a sword being sheathed. Tashigi opened her eyes again to see that Zoro had let her go and was already turning to leave.

Straightening her back, Tashigi stood her ground.

"Roronoa!" she screamed. He looked back in surprise. "Kill me now!"

He shot her another disbelieving glance. "No."

"Why not?" Tashigi yelled in fury.

"Because it's not your time to die yet." Zoro ignored her shocked expression and the slackening of her body. "Besides, I got what I wanted _and_ learned some new tricks in your 'obedience school.'"

Damn. She wasn't going to put down like this. He was walking to the open door now, a night gust blowing through and throwing her hair back.

"I'll never forgive you!"

Even though she couldn't see his face or hear, the swordsman chuckled. He raised a hand in farewell without looking back. "Neither will I."

And so they were back where they started.

0~0~0

Not long after and very much lost, Roronoa Zoro trudged through the forest, three swords hanging at his hip. He would be in a good mood if it weren't for the damned trees. They all looked the same, so how was he expected to get to a port.

He assumed there was a port, since those marines Tashigi had been talking to come from a base, but it was taking far longer than it should have.

Zoro was about ready to cut his way through and make his own damn way there when he stumbled on a rough path that looked more like a game trail though he couldn't be sure with only the moon for light. He continued on it for some time when he could hear the waves again and with it was something else.

"Zorooooooo!" a voice dragged out his name and he went for his swords. "There you are~!"

Suddenly he froze and could see a familiar figure with short red hair. Zoro cursed whatever entity was listening.

"You've got to be kidding me."

0~0~0

**Author's Note:** Good lord! This killed me! Too long, and it got off the original topic… oh well. Some Zoro torture of course involving Tashigi, and it's not intended to be romantic but if you really want it to be knock yourself out. Though, I must say, those two seemed to want it to romance. It was hard .

On another note, I was a little put off by the lack of interest in the first of this series. I'm not going to discontinue for something so silly, but I will be taking a short break from this. If you'd read and review I would be grateful.

And as sneak peek for the next bizarre scenario: Nami. There's some competition in town, what will Nami do to come out on top?


	3. Thieves Will Be Thieves

**Disclaimer: **… Is going for 250 million beri once… twice…. Sorry, not sold. Nami wants even more for it. $_$

_Nami in…_

**Thieves Will Be Thieves**

"Robin?" Chopper tugged on the hem of the archaeologist's skirt.

She smiled down at the little reindeer. "Yes, Doctor-san?"

"Will you go with me to the apothecary to get some more medical supplies?"

"Sure. Let me just check with Navigator-san."

The tall raven-haired woman looked over at the red-haired girl who was bartering with a salesman over a heap of clothes.

"Navigator-san?" she ventured. Her voice rose in volume as the man stubbornly persisted. Finally she put her hands down on the counter and leaned forward. Chopper and Robin couldn't see what was happening, but the man blushed and gulped before nodding to the fiery woman's requests.

Robin tried again, "Nami-san?"

Their crewmate turned with a satisfied smirk on her face. "What is it, Robin?"

Her gaze went to an anxious-looking Chopper. "Oh. It's fine. You can go ahead with Chopper. I'm almost done here."

A hand was offered to the small doctor and he took it gladly. Before they headed out of the shop, Robin glanced back. Some obscure instinct told her to be careful.

"Are you certain, Nami-san?"

"Yeah," she opened her purse and smiled reassuringly while waving them away.

Smiling at her nakama's antics, Robin headed to the apothecary with Chopper. Even if trouble was inevitable for the Straw Hats, she knew Nami was clever enough to handle herself just fine.

0~0~0

Nami made her way down the main street of the small port town, arms laden with shopping bags. Since she was without her usual pack mules, having forfeited their labor in favor of some decent company, she was left with carrying her own purchases.

At least, the navigator wouldn't have to hold out much longer. She was almost ready to return to the Sunny, as she informed Robin. All Nami needed was to find her favorite brand of perfume, a mixture of mikans and jasmine. Even now, her gaze traveled along the street signs that pointed into the side streets.

A local had given her an estimate of where the shop might be and Nami kept an eye out for it.

"8th… 6th… 5th…" she muttered the numbers as she passed. It had to be around there somewhere and her sense of direction was quite good.

She turned around, looking back at the line of shops behind her. Tapping her chin thoughtfully, Nami sighed, "I must have passed it…" Her gaze landed on a small sign she'd missed that read 22nd . "Huh." It was strange that the number was so out of place, but it was nothing compared to what she dealt with on a daily basis.

Compared with a reckless captain, lazy swordsman, lying sharpshooter, love struck cook, paranoid doctor, crazy shipwright, and a perverted skeleton, Nami would gladly take the misplaced sign that the local had described. The only normal one was Robin, and… well… even she was 'different', especially when she said those morbid things.

The navigator shivered, and not just from the thought of her crewmates matter of fact way in talking about death. When she entered the side street, Nami felt a sudden draft that set her a little on edge. She brushed her fingers under her shirt and was comforted by the smooth surface of her Climatact.

Yet, she didn't release a tense breath until she stepped into the bright sunlight again. Warm rays heated the stone walkways and reflected off the glass windows. Hand over her eyes, Nami searched for the perfume store.

It should be here, unless that woman had been confused. She had looked a bit senile… Nami's eyes widened when dread crept over her. Something wasn't right Her time with Arlong, and then with Luffy had taught her to be wary of danger and when it came-to run if possible.

This time, however, Nami could tell the feeling was different and not all together unfamiliar. Her body reacted with her mind in the only way it knew how.

She freed a hand from her numerous bags and struck out, hard. A satisfied smirk rose to her face when she felt her fist connect with something and heard a surprised yelp.

Nami glared down at two people. One was crumpled to the ground and another had crouched to help them up.

"Ow…" the girl groaned and held her beaten head gingerly. She took the hand offered to her and staggered to her feet.

"Um, are you okay, Marie?" the man asked with a frown. He was tall, muscular and didn't seem too bright. Nami was reminded of someone in her crew.

As she brushed off her pants and midriff-baring shirt, the girl with black hair pulled back whom must've been Marie scowled, "Of course I'm not okay! You were too late _again_ Congo!" The large man held up his hands and tried to stutter an apology and she just rolled her eyes. "Damn witch probably saw me."

Raising her fist, Nami took a step toward the pair, "Excuse me? I'm not a witch!"

Both man and woman jumped in surprise, the former shifting to protect the later. The navigator glowered at them, but let her fist relax back at her side. It didn't take her long to realize these two were a couple not worth the trouble.

With a sigh, Nami hefted her packages and made sure everything in her purse was well accounted for.

Before she left, she shot back, "If you're going to pickpocket at least do it right." Her heels resumed the click over the stone street until the girl straightened and called back.

"What would you know?" Marie hissed combing painted nails through her hair and the Nami raised an eyebrow. "You're nothing but a common thief!"

Nami's gaze went from the furious girl to the sky. It was starting to get dark and she should head back to the _Sunny_. Especially before Sanji went crazy with worry. But she smelled a challenge and when said challenge could involve money, the fiery navigator would never back down.

A devilish smile quirked at the edges of her mouth. "Oh really?"

Marie turned her face and sniffed, "Yes. I'm a professional."

Behind her, the oaf known as Congo moved uncomfortably. "Uh, Marie… can we go now? This one was a bust."

"Shut up!"

"Hmm…" Nami gave them a charming smile. "Then how about a contest?"

Marie turned from hitting her companion over the head with her knapsack with a confused expression that quickly turned excited, "You're on!"

Sighing in relief, Nami put down her bags. Next time she might risk bringing one of the boys to help carry them. She rolled her shoulder and her grin got wider.

"Great. Do you live around here?"

The other girl looked suspicious before she nodded. "Here's the rules, whoever gets the most money before the sun goes down is the best thief." The navigator agreed, this was the best way to do things. "And…" Marie put up a finger and smirked knowingly. "… the mayor lives around these parts, so he's a bonus."

"Winner takes all then," Nami clarified and Marie nodded again.

Nami's eyes glinted with excitement. All that money… she hadn't indulged herself for a long time, but she was already an outlaw so who cared? Feeding Luffy cost a small fortune in itself, so she deserved a little treat and a challenge for her skills.

Congo's brow furrowed and Marie noticed. "What's wrong _now_?"

"Her eyes turned into beri signs," he pointed out.

They both stared at the red-haired woman who was fantasizing over her great luck. It was true and a little frightening.

A thought suddenly came to Nami and she turned to look at the big man, Congo.

"This is between us. You're um…" she pointed at him and tried to find the connection between the two.

The man smiled stupidly. "Marie's my sister."

His 'sister' elbowed him in the gut. "Don't tell the enemy that!"

She kept on hitting Congo and the navigator sighed. It was a good thing she was used to pointless fighting.

"Hey," Nami interrupted. "Where should I put my stuff?"

She mainly said it to get them to stop as she already had an idea of where to put her goods of the day.

"You can leave it with Congo."

"Yeah right."

When Nami gave them a skeptical look, Marie unhooked a couple guns from holsters on her hips. "Suit yourself. The contest begins… NOW!"

Marie took off, leaping onto a couple shipping boxes, a windowsill and vaulting onto the roof of a building before she disappeared.

Nami watched. She was in no hurry to start right away. This was her forte, the skill that kept her alive for years, and she was so going to win.

0~0~0

An hour into the competition, Nami had made good progress. Her purse was stuffed and she already had a bur lack sack two-thirds full. Carefully, she hid it away as she tracked down wealthy citizens with jingling pockets, returning to drop in her findings. The town was small, so the pickings were slim and Nami didn't know the entire geography of it like her opponent did. However, there were still plenty of loaded wallets and the navigator wasn't one to shy from tricking her quarry.

But just when Nami started to think she was in the clear she heard a familiar voice followed by a tall, slender suit clad figure.

"Robin-chwannn! Nami-swannn! Chopper!" the cook of the Straw Hat Pirates cupped his hands around his mouth and called repeatedly. He stopped at stalls to ask a vendor a question along with his incessant noise and Nami barely had enough time to duck behind a wall and a fruit stand when the man came to a halt near her.

He glanced around suspiciously, but when he found nothing addressed the shopkeeper sweeping outside.

Nami groaned. She'd recognize that mellorine layered call and that curly eyebrow anywhere. Sanji _had_ to go get worried and go searching for not only her, but also Robin and Chopper. They must still be out. The navigator watched as the blonde cook finished his conversation and moved to the next stall, and right before her hiding place… and effectively blocking her from getting away.

She looked up at the sky for the third time in five minutes. The sun was quickly getting lower and the blue was turning to pink. Somehow, she had to draw Sanji away from her so she could finish this competition and get some money. If she could only distract him…

_Ping!_

It was a piece of cake, really. Quickly, Nami slinked over to a young girl around her age who looked attractive enough to catch Sanji's attention for at least a little while. With a few hurried words and the passing of beri that Nami very reluctantly gave the girl, they came to an agreement.

One shove by the navigator and the girl stood in the street directly in front of the suave cook. His eye immediately transformed into a heart and Nami had to resist pumping her fist in the air. It was only during these occasions that she was glad Sanji was such a ladies' man.

As soon as he was wooing over the smiling girl, Nami shot forward, gaze on reaching the other side of the street. Yet as she passed, her eyes lit upon the corner of a wallet sticking out of Sanji's jacket pocket.

Her excuse was she needed to win, for her pride as a former thief and for her personal budget.

_Sorry, Sanji-kun,_ she thought as she swiped his wallet neatly and swiftly. _Sometimes sacrifices need to be made._

When she reached the safety of the alley where her booty lay, Nami let out a sigh of relief. Usually, she wouldn't stoop so low as stealing from her own nakama, but… it wasn't really stealing because it came from their budget, right? She slipped the rather thin wallet into her purse.

Mindset and her treasures in tow, the navigator started to head back to the designated meeting place. It was across town so she had plenty of time to snatch up more valuables on the way. She would have continued in that manner, undisturbed if a sudden whistle of air behind her and the sound of something heavy landing on the ground hadn't made her turn in surprise.

Before Nami could react or scream, someone grabbed her from behind and covered her mouth. The big hands muffled her protests and she struggled, but halted abruptly when she saw who it was.

"Don't scream or fight," Marie's partner, Congo warned.

He shouldn't have said that.

Infuriated, the red-haired woman bit down with all her might on the offending sausages. Congo made a pained sound and his grip loosened enough for Nami to squirm free and back away. Her Climatact was primed and ready by the time the big man looked up at her with watery eyes.

"Marie was right. You _are _a witch."

Nami's eyes narrowed and her hands tightened around her weapon. All her treasure was behind her and she could run away, but this guy was seriously pissing her off.

"So, Marie told you to deal with me?" she asked sweetly and pretended to relax her battle stance.

Congo lowered his meaty fists hesitantly, then nodded. "You can't ruin her luck and riches. I won't let you."

She smiled, that was all she needed to hear.

Within moments, the giant Congo lay in a heap on the dusty stone, out cold. It hadn't taken Nami long. Besides being dim in the head, all that muscle meant nothing compared to her brains, she caught him by surprise. A well-aimed swing of the Climatact to his head was enough.

Gathering up her belongings again, she glanced down at her previously white blouse with a frown. She'd just purchased it today and there was already blood and dirt on it. Geez, one of the downs of being a pirate. And everyone wondered why she needed to buy new clothes all the time…

0~0~0

Courtesy of the attack on her life and the threat to her future monetary gain, Nami decided to even the score. If Marie wanted to play dirty tricks she wouldn't hesitate doing so as well. Which led her to seek the mayor of the port town that the other woman had mentioned as a bonus.

But, for once, Nami wasn't approaching the part of town he lived in to rob him, at least not to begin with. The problem ended up getting into his house. Of course, she couldn't waltz in and launch her plan… Maybe if he was outside somewhere nearby, Nami spotted the curly hair and bird hat that the citizens had mentioned describing the mayor. She smiled at the timing.

There he was outside a café, reading a newspaper and sipping coffee. A short man in a tailcoat and as odd a hat as Nami could have imagined. It was a wide-brimmed top hat with bright green feathers and blue birds popping out with yellow beaks opened wide. Obnoxious and loud were the right adjectives.

Nami ignored the statement on his head, though and ran up to the mayor. She skidded to a halt at his table and leaned over, grasping her knees and panting.

"Mayor-san! Mayor-san!" Nami breathed in great gasps.

The man glanced up with a startled expression. His round face matching his wide eyes. He dropped his paper. "Ah! What is it, young lady?"

She looked at him from her bent position and replied rapidly, "I was mugged! And I think it was by a wanted criminal!"

Fear plain on his face the mayor surveyed Nami's scrapes and bruises.

"Oh, my dear! Are you okay?"

Nami almost stumbled in her act at his slow reaction. "Yes! Do you have any marines stationed here?"

"Um, no," the man struggled to comfort the distraught woman. "They pass through for goods only, but… but we do have our own justice system."

She brightened and the mayor took a deep breath. "Now, why don't you take a seat and describe him to me? I'll have the guards sent out right away."

As she slid into the extra chair and began retelling her story and what the mugger looked like, Nami allowed herself a small victory smile.

"It's a she actually."

0~0~0

Night had nearly fallen when Marie finally staggered back into the side street where she first met that red-haired woman. It had been a terrible day and the last part of it had been spent running from the town's enforcers who had been screaming something or other about being a no-good mugger.

When Nami saw the other thief emerge from the eaves of the buildings and dragging a bulging sack her heart skipped a beat.

Judging from the girl's tattered appearance, rips in her skimpy clothes, smeared makeup and a number of cuts on her bare arms and face, her trick had been successful. It hadn't been difficult to get Marie's appearance to the mayor and the others. Her deep purple eye shadow and double pistols were hard to miss and the weapons, probably illegally owned, only provided evidence for Nami's lie.

Yet, her downtrodden expression and trudging walk spiked a pang of pity in the navigator. Though it disappeared quickly.

For all she knew, Marie could be a known criminal in these parts. Especially if she was a professional thief like she claimed and dragged along people like Congo for company.

Nami waved to alert the woman that she had made it as well.

Marie ignored her and stopped a few feet in front of the navigator, dropping the bag at her feet.

"Looks like you ran into some trouble," Nami commented casually.

Silence for several seconds until Marie glanced at her quickly. Her glare was filled with anger and spite. "_You!_ You were the one who ratted me out!"

"What if I did?" she retorted. "I don't resort to assassination like some." Nami gazed at Marie pointedly. " I knew you'd escape."

The black-haired woman scoffed. "Huh, really?"

"I wouldn't be waiting here if I didn't."

They glared at each other for a while, both realizing how far they'd go to prove who was the best and who would get the money.

Eventually, Nami grew tired, her nakama were waiting.

She took a step to the side, unveiling not one, but _two_ sacks overflowing with treasure and countless beri.

Marie's jaw dropped and a vein twitched visibly in her temple. Her coated eyelids blinked in shock. "You…you…"

"If anyone calls me witch again today they're asking for it," Nami threatened, fist raised.

"You… How did you get so much?" Marie practically screamed. Then her mind formed her own solution, which was just partly true. "You tricked me!"

Her hands went to her guns, but came away with air. Even then, she charged at Nami with a furious cry and the navigator's eyes widened in surprise. At the last second she dodged the girl's flailing fists, and brought her fist down on her head for the second time that day.

Down Marie went, with a pathetic moan she slumped against a wall. Her eyes were unfocused as she glared up at Nami.

"Forgot something," the navigator held up her missing pistols and let them fall with a clatter. The girl's face went pale.

"Oh, and I'll be taking this."

Along with the money Marie had stolen, Nami had somehow filched her own private stash that she kept on her person.

She inhaled shakily, "W-who are you? You're just a common thief."

Nami didn't reply, but struck a familiar pose instead, pulling her hair back on one side and grinning seductively.

"C-cat Burglar Nami…" Marie gasped.

Picking up all three bags and her own packages, Nami continued to smile. "You forgot something else. I'm not just a common thief… I'm a pirate."

With a wink and a flick of beri in her hand, the fiery woman went on her way, leaving Marie, her companion, the town and everything else behind.

It was the first time she'd actually admitted she was a pirate and, though Nami could hardly believe it, she was proud to be one. She had nakama she could trust and had discovered a new inner strength as a member of a pirate crew. Nami wouldn't have it any other way.

But, she'd never gotten to buy that perfume.

0~0~0

**Author's Note:** God… Nami was so hard to write about. It was no easy task to find a good situation to put her in and I'm not completely satisfied with this one. I'm sorry it's so short and took so long to get up. Who do you think Nami was referencing as all muscle and no brains? I figured since Zoro compared Tashigi to her, she deserved some revenge.

Quick question time~ First, can anyone tell me how many times Luffy has let someone else wear his straw hat? I know Nami was definitely one, but any others? (The answer will be posted in one of the next chapters.)

Second, I'd like to know how to make polls, but I need help. Please tell me if you know, I'd really appreciate it.

Good news everyone! We're one third through! Which means I'm going to give you a little gift! For every third that's finished I'll write one of my mystery stories, which are all one shots and post them here. You can see the list of titles on my profile page. Keep an eye out for when it's done. ^^ Thanks for reading and please review this installment!

**Edit:** I forgot to mention this last time. The next one is starring Usopp. When Usopp is cursed and can't lie for an entire day, he has to learn the truth of more things than one.

Also, the mystery story has (finally) been completed and will be posted. It's titled **National Hat Day** and if you're interested please, by all means, check it out. Cheers till next time!


	4. Lying is Bad

**Disclaimer:** The Great Captain Usopp knows all and sees all, so he'll know if someone steals One Piece.

_Usopp in…_

**Lying is Bad**

It was big, red, and shiny and… it wouldn't budge.

And Usopp severely doubted he could get the glittering red ruby out no matter how hard he pushed, pulled and was contemplating putting a chisel to. Nami would have a fit if she heard _that_ thought. Honestly, the only reason the sharpshooter was still trying was because Chopper was watching with wide, admiring eyes, and he wasn't eager to lose that admiration.

"Ne, Usopp?" Chopper spoke up.

He didn't glance down at his fuzzy crewmate and brought out his hammer to help pry the gem from the ancient stone. "Not now, Chopper. I'll get out soon. I'm almost done…"

He started pounding away, but Chopper wasn't satisfied.

"Usopp?" the reindeer pulled at tool belt. "What's that?"

"Huh? What?"

He looked up from his work and followed where his friend's hoof pointed. There were some gouges in the rock on his left. If he squinted, he could make out lines of crude characters that were indecipherable. Weathered by time and not in any language he could understand. Usopp frowned and peered a little closer. His hand raised to work on the ruby nearby paused in its descent.

Chopper glanced at him curiously. "Usopp? What is it? Can you read it?"

Usopp held up his hand. "Wait… hmm, yeah… I think I can…."

"Really?" Chopper exclaimed and morphed to Heavy Point to see the engravings better.

His nakama nodded, focused on reading. Much to his surprise the writing had abruptly changed, rearranging so he could decipher what it said without much difficulty.

Usopp's long nose brushed against the script as he read to himself: _What you do not see as truth will show itself in good time as the most precious stone of all._

Minutes passed as the sharpshooter pondered the words. Until, Chopper grew impatient.

"What's it say? What's it say?"

Turning away from the writing, Usopp told his overly excited crewmate what he'd read. He watched as the doctor's smile faded to a befuddled expression.

"Eh? What's that even mean?"

The sharpshooter shrugged and pushed the sleeves of his shirt back. "Come help me, Chopper. We're going to get this stone out whether it wants to or not!"

Chopper reared up in Heavy Point. "Yosh!"

Together, they each took a side of the ruby and wrapped their fingers around its edges. When their grip was secure, Usopp gave the thumbs up and braced his feet. The reindeer did the same.

"Okay… one… two… pull!"

Heaving with all their might, they yanked at the embedded gem. Their muscles strained and the gritted their teeth.

Finally, the force of the pull hit them and they were thrown backwards. Usopp fell and hit his head on a rock, while Chopper snapped back into his smallest form and landed on his back and had the breath knocked out of him.

They were still lying on the ground. Defeated by the treasure and empty-handed, when they heard the sound of boots.

Followed by a familiar growl.

"What the hell happened here?"

Surprised, Usopp sat up at the same time as Chopper. "Zoro?"

"Ow!" they knocked their heads together in their haste to rise.

The green-haired swordsman looked down at them with an expression of disbelief. He made no move to help them to their feet and waited until they stood, nursing their bruises.

"Zoro!" Chopper launched himself at his other crewmate and attached to his leg. He smiled in delight at his arrival, but Usopp was confused.

"Oi, Chopper! Get off!" Zoro shook his leg to be rid of the little reindeer, but he stuck fast like glue.

While the swordsman fought his losing battle, Usopp realized what was wrong here. "Hey, Zoro. How did you come here without getting lost?"

Zoro froze in the act of attempting to pry Chopper off. His eyes narrowed.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Back stepping quickly, the sniper coughed. "Eh, just… how did you find us?"

"Um…" The tips of Zoro's ears went a tad pink, but he was spared the effort of answering.

There was a rustle in the bushes and Robin's tall figure glided over to the boys. "I believe what Swordsman-san is trying to say is he had some help."

"Ah," Usopp nodded and Chopper watched his nakama interact curiously.

However, Zoro didn't appreciate her intercession. "What? I did not!"

Usopp lifted a skeptical eyebrow and Robin giggled.

"I found him in a tree."

At Robin's amused comment, Usopp burst into laughter. Yet his joy was swiftly silenced by a smirk.

"I'd hardly call your position when I saw you ideal. What was so interesting that you had to have your face to the ground?"

Now it was Usopp's turn to blush and there was a momentary lull in the conversation

Until, Chopper finally slid from the swordsman's leg. "Oh! We were trying to get out that giant jewel?"

He ran over to the ruby, gleaming mockingly at its crushed opponents. Usopp could swear it was making fun of their attempt, despite the heart put into it.

"See?"

Robin and Zoro approached Chopper and the gem, with Usopp trudging along behind. He'd had about enough adventure for today.

The new additions to their group examined the gem. Or more accurately, Robin viewed it with a practiced and appreciated eye, while Zoro granted it a once over as he would any obstacle.

As the archaeologist moved to see the writing on the left, he put a hand on his sword and glanced at Usopp and Chopper, who looked up expectantly.

"You couldn't get it loose? At all?" he asked, knocking the stone with his fist experimentally.

Chopper shook his head, but Usopp begged to differ.

"Well… it's stuck in there pretty good. And… it's probably cursed. Look what it did to my hands!" Usopp showed the swordsman his hands, which were cut up and bleeding.

Unfortunately, this caused the doctor to check his own hooves and discover they were in a similar condition. Also, Usopp's remark wasn't helping.

"A curse? Ahh! You're right!" Chopper screamed and began to hyperventilate.

Zoro groaned, growing a smidge more sympathetic than he had with his long nosed companion. "Calm down and take deep breathes."

He walked closer to the ruby. "While you bandage Usopp's and your wounds, I'll take it out for you."

They scattered to make way for the swordsman, ducking behind a big boulder. Chopper brought out bandages and antiseptic while the sharpshooter's imagination went wild. He wondered how much of the ruby was actually stuck in the rocky ruins. Maybe there was a secret passageway behind it!

Usopp voiced his predictions and they both grew even more excited. They waited under safety, peering above the hiding place to watch Zoro go to work.

With slow, deliberate motion, much like a stalking tiger that knows it has all the time in the world and hunts its prey at its leisure, the man brought his arms around the gem. Usopp and Chopper let go a sigh of relief. If he hadn't forfeited using his katanas, it probably would've spelled doom. And not merely for the precious stone itself, but for all the effort they'd expended until now. Because as they knew, heart counted as much as strength, possibly more so.

As soon as Zoro had literally embraced the ruby and hooked his fingers around the edges where it met the stone, much like his crewmates had done before, he pulled. The muscles in his arms rippled and he grunted as the gem gradually started to move.

Then, sure enough, with a final crackle of hundred-year-old rock and mortar, the huge ruby came free. Zoro adjusted his stance to compensate for the weight of the jewel in his arms. From Usopp and Chopper's view he seemed to stagger, but it must've been their anxiety getting to them.

He set the ruby down several feet away with a final thud. Needless to say, he'd been more successful than his younger companions.

Chopper rushed out from behind the boulder and veered directly towards Zoro.

"Are you okay?" he asked anxiously and walked around the swordsman with his doctor's face. "That gem was _really_ heavy!"

Zoro waved his hand, having been bothered enough for one day. "Nah, I'm fine."

Patting his dirty hands on his pants, not that it helped because he was almost entirely covered in a fine white dust, he wandered to where his katanas lay and slipped them back into his haramaki. His gaze went to where Usopp was busy with the ruby.

He'd already circled its entirety twice, measuring in his mind its width and length, and was going around for a third time when Chopper joined him. The doctor placed a hoof on the jewel and turned to him with wide eyes.

"Wow! It's so smooth!"

Usopp grinned. "Yosh! Thousands of sea slugs used their slime to make it like that."

"Really?"

"Uh huh, now all we need is to construct a wheelbarrow to take it to the Sunny." The sharpshooter started to look for some materials.

However, Chopper followed him. "Ne, Usopp? Aren't you going to carry it yourself?"

Automatically, he stopped searching, already knowing his heart wouldn't allow him to disappoint his youthful nakama.

"Of course!" Usopp puffed out his chest and marched over to the ruby. Rubbing his hands and spitting on them, he stilled his nervous shaking, feeling not only Chopper's eyes on him, but Zoro's bored ones as well, Usopp bent down to lift the crimson stone and…. failed to lift it one inch off the ground.

To give him credit, Usopp continued to try valiantly for several moments. That is, until Zoro uncrossed his arms and came to his aid. He separated the ruby from the ground and Usopp's weakening arms easily. His crewmate collapsed and gave him a shaky smile of gratitude.

"Ah! But sometimes the Great Captain Usopp needs a break so he can use his powers for the next adventure!" he exclaimed and jumped in front of Zoro to lead as he began to walk away.

Then Chopper reminded them they were down one member. He glanced back to see their archaeologist right where they left her, standing in front of the characters next to the gaping hole where the ruby had sat. Her hand rested on the worn writing lightly.

She didn't turn around and only spoke when Chopper called, "Robin?"

"Odd…"she murmured almost to herself and seemed to realize she was not alone.

"What is it?" Zoro yawned. "We need to head back."

Robin looked at the engravings again. "This writing… it's very strange. It's in a language I recognize, but different. Every time I think I understand what's written I lose grasp again. Almost like it doesn't want me to read it…"

Zoro's attention was lost there, but Chopper's wasn't and neither was Usopp's.

Chopper opened his mouth. "Well, Usopp can-"

"Wait!"

Before the reindeer could say anything else, Usopp covered his mouth with his hand. He didn't know why he didn't want Robin to know he could read the writing, he just had this feeling. He released poor Chopper with a mumbled sorry.

Yet, Robin's perceptive eyes hadn't missed any of the scene. Her expression demanded an explanation, if only to satisfy her curiosity.

"Uh, it's nothing," Usopp responded quickly to her unasked question. He put a hand behind his neck anxiously.

"You can read it."

It wasn't a question and this time the sharpshooter felt obliged to answer. "Uh, yeah."

Robin moved aside to let him see the characters. "Then please do again."

Usopp looked at the writing, expecting to see them rearrange and show a message like earlier. However, they stayed in incomprehensible.

"Huh," Usopp spoke, taken aback. "I could before, but now it looks like a bunch of scribbles."

There was a moment of silence where Robin stared at Usopp, making him extremely uncomfortable. The woman was more than a little scary. Then she sighed.

"How strange…" she repeated.

"Are we ready to go now?" Zoro asked impatiently. When no one said otherwise, he picked up the ruby he'd dropped when they fetched Robin.

They started to move forward, leaving the ruins behind and Usopp caught the thoughtful glance Robin gave the stone with the writing as it faded back into the jungle. A shiver ran down his spine for some indescribable reason and he hurried forward.

"Ah, wait Zoro! I'm not letting you lead the way!"

He hefted the gem in the one hand he was carrying it with. "Eh? It's kind of warm."

Walking alongside him, Chopper touched the precious stone again.

"S-scary!"

Usopp laughed and launched into one of his tales. The events in the old ruins and any meaning swiftly vanishing in the wind.

0~0~0

Back on the ship, the rest of the crew was ogling the oversized jewel and planning what to do with it. Though the later was mainly Nami.

She and the members of the crew that hadn't witnessed its freeing were amazed to say the least. This island had yielded no goods… up to now.

Nami's face was of one who had walked into heaven, pure, undiluted bliss and her nakama all knew if they ruined it they would be headed there themselves. She caressed the stone, humming happily.

"I've never seen such a big and beautiful ruby before!" the navigator exclaimed.

Sanji waltzed over on cue. "Your reflection in its surface is equally astounding my lovely angel!" He was unfazed when Nami completely ignored him.

"It's definitely not normal," Robin added.

The shipwright and skeleton had been left to guard the Sunny so were glad for any excitement. Brooke's jaw cracked open in a grin. "Quite a find!"

Luffy was too busy clapping his feet and chanting "Bronze statue! Bronze statue!" to comment and Chopper joined in.

At his words, Nami shot a glare at the boy over the glittering ruby.

"Baka! Why would we exchange a ruby for something made of bronze?"

Usopp and Zoro exchanged looks and replied, "Luffy logic."

Meanwhile, their captain tilted his head to indicate his mind was slowly processing her words.

"Aw! But Nami! We need a bronze statue!"

She sighed, in too good a mood to tell Luffy off. So, Sanji did it for her.

He grabbed Luffy's cheek and pinched it hard. "We do not!"

"Ow! Ow! That hurts Sanji!"

Franky approached the gem with a much more skeptical eye than the rest. "What are we going to do with it?" He glanced at its edges, almost perfectly symmetrical. "I suppose I could make something from this…"

At this point, Nami had finally moved away from the ruby, though she still stood near it protectively. "We need the money and after we get this made into smaller rubies it'll last a long time if _someone_ doesn't spend it all on meat!"

Looking away conspicuously, Luffy began to whistle.

Nami appeared a little torn. "But I'd like to keep it a little longer…"

With another yawn, Zoro leaned against the ship's railing.

"It's just a rock."

He might as well have poked a venomous scorpion. Usopp and Chopper grabbed each other for comfort and tried to stop their knees from shaking.

However, the navigator merely smiled. And it wasn't even her sugary sweet one that meant she was about to shove your foot down your gullet. "Either way, I have you to thank for dragging it here. I'll lower your debt by ten percent."

Zoro brightened and sat back with a smirk. Sanji shot him a glare.

"But who got it out? Robin, you told me it was stuck in some ruins, right?"

The raven-haired woman smiled. "Yes. Very securely."

Brave Usopp stepped forward. "It was Captain Usopp with his astounding strength of body and mind. No easy task, but the ruby wasn't a match for me in the end!"

He grinned proudly. Chopper seemed to forget that he hadn't done such a thing and shouted in awe while Luffy's eyes went wide.

"Sugei!"

The sharpshooter bowed and started to explain more in detail to his more gullible crewmates. The others didn't remark and let his statement blow by … mostly.

When someone banged him on the top of his head, Usopp fell forward on his nose. He squinted into the late afternoon sun to see a displeased Zoro.

He'd punched him to the ground without a thought and reminded him, "I don't think so, _Captain_ Usopp. I can say just how tightly that red stone was wedged in there."

Usopp waved his hands in surrender, "Ah, oh yeah." Quickly, he jumped to his feet. "Let me tell you how my animal friends helped get the ruby out…" he continued, unperturbed.

Zoro rolled his eyes as the sharpshooter and chromic liar entranced Luffy and Chopper.

Nami giggled with Robin. "Hee, let them be. Thanks, Zoro."

"What a perfect time for a song!" Brooke brought out his violin. The cook brought out platters of exotic food and they sang into the night with Usopp's heroic stories woven between the notes.

0~0~0

Like several other Straw Hats, Usopp was an early riser and woke up the next morning feeling refreshed despite the late evening before. However, it wasn't duties that caused him to get up at dawn. It was a habit he had developed when he was the sole handy man aboard the _Going Merry_.

When the others were asleep, he would patrol the length of the ship, searching for any damage and making the necessary repairs, no matter how small. After this was done, Usopp would just stand with his hands on the railing, in touch with the Merry and happy to listen to the roll of the waves until he heard the sounds of waking nakama.

He woke to do this despite the changes and it always made him feel (somewhat) ready for a new day.

Though Usopp wasn't prepared to walk out of the men's quarters to see a skull grinning at him from the dark.

His scream was short, but loud.

"Ahhh!"

"Ahhh!" the skull yelled right back.

The sharpshooter tried to slow his beating heart. "Brooke?"

"Usopp-san?" the gentlemanly skeleton queried. "Ah, you scared me!"

"Look at who's the scary one!"

Once they were both calm, they headed up to the deck.

"Is it already time for the wake-up song?" Usopp rubbed his eyes and blinked. Some days it took longer to become fully awake than others.

Brooke shook his head. "I was merely wiping down my violin when I heard someone else was up."

Usopp nodded. "Oi, look at that sunrise."

"Oh yes, I see how amazing this one is… even though I have no eyes to see with! Yohoho! Skull joke!"

His companion chuckled along with him. "That's a gr- horrible joke, Brooke! It's not even funny!" Usopp's tongue seemed to have a mind of his own and he took a step back in surprise.

"Ah! I didn't mean tha- actually I did!" Usopp attempted to apologize when it happened again.

Starting to freak out, he made an escape and a hurried farewell. The skeleton hadn't reacted to Usopp's outburst, and had only brought out his instrument. His hum drifted eerily out to sea.

Not long after his unintentional slip-up Usopp could be found making more pachinko. The best time to do so was when Luffy couldn't get to them and he used that short time to his advantage.

Though his hands were occupied with this project, his mind was whirling over something else.

_I don't know why that happened. Why would I tell Brooke his jokes are bad? They're funny, I always laugh at them… _Usopp struggled over this oddity and his own reasoning. He wiped his brow and straightened his back. _It's probably nothing, I just feel a bit off is all._

He toiled away for a good half hour until a booming voice nearly made him spill acid on his finger.

"USOPP-BRO! I WANT TO TEST A NEW INVENTION AND I NEED YOUR HELP!"

The sharpshooter sweat dropped. Franky didn't know the meaning of quiet, even when his crewmates were sleeping away the celebration from last night. Not so secretly, Usopp wasn't eager to join in one of the cyborg's more dangerous creations. And, though all of them were risky, he didn't want to be yelled at by Nami yet again.

His mind decided, he opened his mouth to holler back an excuse, when instead.

"I think I heard someone getting carried away- I have nothing better to do!" Usopp smacked himself. Now he had no choice but to venture into the workshop where Franky was. Maybe he would get away in one piece this time…. He could always be hopeful.

It so turned out that the blue-haired shipwright had devised a training device that was modified to fit each of their fighting styles.

In Franky's own words, "Now everyone will get a chance to become even more SUPAH!"

Usopp discovered his enthusiasm was catching like usual and dived into offering some suggestions and helping to fix a few minor flaws. The machine was tough looking and it would have to be to stand Luffy's superhuman punches, Zoro's monstrous sword techniques and Sanji's bone-crushing kicks… and that was without adding the rest of the Straw Hats strengths.

When the handymen deemed the mechanisms satisfactory and everything was in place, Franky asked Usopp to help drag it on deck where they could do a test.

For a while the situation went on smoothly, but their experiments were unfortunately apt to fail nine out of ten times. This wasn't one of the triumphant ones.

Usopp scarcely ran from harm's way, ducking behind the closest protection, which coincidentally happened to be the girls' laundry hung out to dry. It wasn't much, but it would do, especially when Franky raced away from the blazing fireball. His shirt caught on fire and he tripped, landing on his face inches away from Usopp's quivering nose and a fiery end.

Frantically, he patted out the flames on his clothes. This left a good section of the deck charred and smoking, the training device squatting, thoroughly destroyed in the dead center.

Franky lifted his sunglasses and Usopp gulped, waiting for the bigger explosion that was sure to come.

Come it did, as the rest of the crew had been rudely awakened by the destruction of their invention. Faced with a seriously pissed off Nami, Usopp knew their sole piece of luck was she and Robin's clothes hadn't been burned, just singed a little.

For an entire hour, the navigator chased the shipwright and sharpshooter around the _Thousand Sunny_, shrieking like a banshee and threatening to dislocate their arms. Sanji was wise enough to remain in the kitchen, preparing breakfast, until his lady calmed down. He was nothing but sympathetic, yet he had been on the receiving end of that punch too many times to count.

After the spectacle was over and the Straw Hats had gotten an entertaining show that more or less made up for being shocked out of their hammocks, Usopp crawled to a corner to nurse his injuries.

Chopper scurries over to him after treating the significantly more battered Franky. Nami's judgment was that he could take more and it was his idea. He got sentenced to cleaning up the mess, though Usopp was expected to help as well.

In his customary impatience with waiting for food, Luffy thought of a way to make it come fast. He called over Usopp and Chopper as the doctor finished applying a bandage to his head.

"Chopper! Usopp! Let's go fishing!"

The sharpshooter stood up and walked to his captain. Chopper started packing up his supplies. "I'll be back, Luffy. I just need to put these in the infirmary."

With the reindeer gone Usopp and Luffy brought out their fishing poles, handmade by the sharpshooter. Luffy had tried to craft one, but failed miserably when he carved his too thin and then stepped on it. The bait also mysteriously disappeared. From then on, Usopp was put in charge of fishing, with Luffy there to do the simple things.

They sat down, captain on the lion head of the _Sunny_ and Usopp on the railing. A mere five minutes passed when the inevitable occurred.

"Ne, Usopp. I'm boredddd. Where's Chopper?"

Checking his bare hook, his crewmate turned. "I don't know, maybe there was something he had to do. How about we switch spots, Luffy? You might have better luck."

Luffy replied without pause, "No."

"Why not? You always get to sit there!"

At Usopp's protest, Luffy only shook his head. "It's my special seat." He wound his rubber arms around the _Sunny's_ head.

Habitually, the long-nosed man moved to a tactic that usually worked on Luffy. "Well, if you don't let us take a turn sometimes, you'll get in trouble for being selfish… by my 8, 8…." Usopp struggled to complete his lie. His captain watched with a confused, but interested expression until he finally took a deep breath and tried to yell it out.

"Eight followers!"

There was one heartbeat where Usopp stood, red in the face, and Luffy's frown slowly twisted into a grin. Then a great, big guffaw erupted from his mouth.

"Ahahahaha! You're funny, Usopp! That's only…" Luffy counted on his fingers. "That's barely any! Ahaha!"

Usopp was spared listening to _Luffy_ laugh at _him_ for his funny _joke_, by the call of the Straw Hats.

"BREAKFAST TIME FOR THE LADIES~! AND YOU LAZY LOUTS TOO!"

During breakfast, Usopp was wary and noticeably quieter than usual. Of course, when it came to manners like this the guys weren't too observant. This was made up for when Nami saw Robin keeping an extra eye on the liar and put two and two together. There was something off for sure, yet she was enjoying the lower noise level.

This didn't sit well with the little reindeer, though, as he could feel the deafening absence of Usopp's tales.

"Usopp? Are you feeling okay?" Chopper asked, curious and innocent as ever.

The question startled him and he nearly dropped his fork. "Huh? Yeah, definitely!"

"Really? That's great!" the doctor smiled. "Then could you tell me a story?"

"Well, um…" Usopp had been careful since fishing with Luffy. He didn't know what was wrong exactly, but he did know that he said weird things whenever he talked to his nakama. Yet, even the strongest will, which Usopp did not have, could quail before Chopper's wide, expectant eyes. "Okay," he consented.

His voice wasn't as loud as normal, but the sharpshooter still ventured into familiar territory while a variety of conversations and arguments burst into life sporadically around the table in a typical Straw Hat meal.

"I shall tell you time when I was just six years old and some evil pirates came to my village." Chopper listened attentively, eager for more and Usopp obliged. "There were rumors flying around that they ate flesh and drank blood, but I didn't believe them. I gathered my followers and we went to shore to face them, but instead there were monsters! However, I bravely faced them and bested the giant sea, sea…. sea anemones!" Usopp concluded lamely.

He blanched. How did he come out with that? He, the greatest storyteller alive?

Chopper's face had dropped. The others around the table, minus Luffy, who immediately took the chance to inhale his nakama's food, had caught the slip-up as well.

"Sea anemones?" Zoro glanced away from his drink. He cocked an eyebrow at Usopp as if he'd gone completely crazy.

"Ah, no…" he attempted to correct his words frantically and with growing panic. "I mean, yes! I mean… argh!"

He slammed his head on the table, causing the dishes to clatter and his crewmate's to jump.

"Usopp! What's wrong?" Chopper squeaked in fright.

Nami and Robin exchanged glances. All this morning, since they left the last island, Usopp had been acting strange. But, now, they had a theory about what was going on.

Sanji kicked Luffy away from the girls' plates while simultaneously addressing the sharpshooter, "Eh? Is it something in the food, Usopp?"

"I knew you'd try something sooner or later, ero-cook."

"Luffy got your food, shitty swordsman."

"Damn you, Luffy!"

The navigator sighed. Franky tried to repeat the question on all their minds.

"What is it, Usopp-bro?"

His shoulders shook slightly while Chopper fretted. "I… I…" He didn't lift his head.

"Maybe he needs some music to cheer him up?" Brooke interceded.

That started a wave of suggestions that swept them up and almost caused them to lose sight of the problem.

Finally, Nami stood and slammed her hands on the wood. "Enough! Let Usopp speak!"

Usopp was trembling rather violently now and their heads turned in concern.

Abruptly, he raised his face and shouted. "I CAN'T LIE!"

The unexpected cry echoed throughout the room as his crewmates tried to absorb this revelation. Usopp himself was surprised. He didn't realize how he had come to this conclusion, but he guessed it had to so with his new inability to weave dramatic stories and come up with excuses.

Their archaeologist got to the epicenter of the problem right away. Robin appraised Usopp with a pensive gaze. "Nagahana-kun. When did this start?"

"This morning…" Usopp answered, a bit confused how this would help.

Luffy swallowed his last bite of food. "What's happening?"

Zoro and Sanji knocked him to the ground. "IF YOU WEREN'T PAYING ATTENTION THEN SHUT UP!"

Suddenly, Nami brightened. "That's after we brought the ruby aboard."

Robin smiled. "Very true, Nami-san. Perhaps that is the cause of the problem?"

"Wait a minute…" the navigator back tracked, seeing what she was getting at. "I'm not going to…"

"We should at least try."

They looked at Sanji in utter shock. To see him actually disagreeing with a lady, especially his precious Nami-san, was not an every day occurrence. But, then again, neither was having a liar that could no longer lie.

"Sanji-kun!"

"YOSH! Let's do it!" Luffy resolved with looking into the situation any longer.

"Let's not be hasty," Nami warned, tears already swimming in her eyes at the prospect of getting rid of the ruby.

Nodding, Robin remarked, "It's not a normal gem, so we have to be careful."

"So… it's like a curse?" Zoro wondered aloud, swirling the alcohol in his mug around.

The skeleton stiffened. "The last curse was when I lost my shadow. This is horrible!"

"A curse?" Chopper shrieked. He was shivering and Usopp wanted to comfort him, but was too unsure himself.

"It's possible," Robin mused.

Franky shook his head in disbelief. "You guys get into the most trouble of anyone I've seen."

Their captain had recovered from his pummeling and jumped to his feet. "Come on! We have to throw the shiny rock overboard so Usopp can tell stories again!"

"Oi!" Usopp objected feebly. "I can still tell stories…"

He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Sanji. His eyes communicated one thing; leave it to Luffy.

"Wait!" Nami grabbed the rubber boy's arm on his way out. "At least put it to a vote!"

"Okay! Who wants to cure Usopp?"

All nine hands went up. It wasn't until Luffy had already dashed outside that it had dawned on Nami that she'd been tricked.

She rubbed her head tiredly. "Damn, he never asked _how_ we should cure him…"

"He's smarter than we give him credit for, " Robin laughed softly.

"Yeah…" Usopp stayed in his chair next to Chopper while most of the crew filed out to toss the precious stone into the sea. He just hoped they could fix this without anyone getting hurt.

0~0~0

Their plan of throwing the "cursed" ruby overboard didn't work. And it was proven by quite some maliciousness on Zoro and Sanji's part.

After the red jewel had completely disappeared into the depths of the ocean, leaving Nami to sulk in her room for several hours later, the unlikely duo cornered Usopp between the helm and the lion figurehead. He had nowhere to run and no one to turn to. The sad part was he had a sketchy idea of why the cook and the swordsman had sought him out.

"Uh, hey guys. How's it going?" he tried again anyways.

They shot each other a conspiratorial glance.

"Oh, nothing," the swordsman replied casually. "We just want to see if you can lie again."

Sanji took a drag from his cigarette. "It's for your own good and the crew's." He smirked like the devil he was. "And it might benefit us, too."

Zoro cracked his knuckles, and Usopp knew he meant business.

But his mind continued to reel from the improbability of it all. The only time the two rivals worked together was if someone screwed with both of them… oh crap. The sharpshooter had been caught in a spur-of-the-moment trap.

"Me first," Zoro stepped forward and Usopp pressed his back to the ship. He waited for death to befall him, but when he opened his eyes he was alive and subject to a demonic glare. Usopp almost wished for the first option. "What happened to my haramaki?"

Usopp's gaze went lower to see that Zoro was indeed haramaki-less, which would have been an obvious change if he hadn't been occupied with his own issues.

Knees shaking and skin sweating, he prayed to whatever god might be listening that he could lie and their plan had succeeded. _I don't know._ Was what Usopp direly wanted to say.

Instead, "N-nothing. Luffy and me just borrowed it."

"And where is it now?" Zoro growled and his hand shifted threateningly to his sword.

"It's… it's…" Usopp sighed, he couldn't win against his traitorous tongue. "It's gone. We used it to carry lobsters and they… clawed it up?"

He gave the swordsman an imploring look and showed his palms in a silent apology and plea for forgiveness. Zoro's cold glare did not lessen.

"That was my last one. I don't have enough money to buy another and now I don't have a place to keep my katanas during battle. Who's going to save your ass when I can't fight as well? I believe you owe me."

An evil smirk appeared on his face. Within moments, Usopp was crumpled on the ground following a relentless barrage of blows. He would forget appealing to Zoro. The man had no mercy.

Maybe Sanji? The cook had been a silent observer apart from the occasional remarks that, "The marimo should have thought of that before getting his clothes all bloody and sweaty." Otherwise, he chose to speak only when he was face to face with Usopp.

"Oi, looks like you can't lie still."

"Ugh…"

"I suppose our experiment doesn't need to continue," Sanji remarked and Usopp dared to hope it was over. "_But_, I'd like to know why you thought it would be funny to swap the paprika with chili powder in that dish for Robin-chan and Nami-san."

Usopp really had no excuse for this one, even if he could twist the truth.

"Exactly," the cook agreed with Usopp's silence. "And just so you know." He rolled back his sleeves. "Robin-chan wouldn't eat any of the snacks I prepared her for a week and Nami-san was furious at me for a _month_! Even though she's gorgeous even when she's angry~."

Every kick that fell after that, Usopp took in silence, like a man. He knew he'd deserved each new bruise from both Sanji and Zoro and he was thoroughly guilty. Though his face was too swollen to tell them that.

It had been unnecessary, but he hadn't really thought his actions through. Zoro's haramaki and consequential fighting style had been compromised because the island fighting lobsters Luffy and he had caught were very close to gouging their eyes out and the closest thing to hold them in was his haramaki hung out to dry.

Meanwhile, Sanji's cooking and his relationship with the girls of the crew had been victimized because Usopp wanted to test substituting hot sauce for chili powder in his artillery. Luffy had stayed far away after the last experiment and Usopp wasn't about to set his mouth aflame. Now, _that_ was sheer stupidity.

Sanji and Zoro walked away from Usopp with their mission completed and the sharpshooter appropriately humbled.

"We're done," Zoro announced to the crew that was scattered about the deck.

The cook made his way down the few steps. He addressed Robin and Nami in particular. "The plan didn't work."

Only marginally surprised, Nami turned to the older woman.

"Now that we lost our increased budget _and_ those two bakas got their anger out, would you like to try a different method?"

"I have an idea," Robin mused. "But let's see how long Nagahana-kun can last."

It was mid-afternoon, nearly a day from when they left the island where they found the now absent ruby, when Usopp caved in.

He'd been patching up the battered Kabuto when he threw down his equipment in despair. "I can't take it anymore!"

"Nani?" Luffy had watched him work for a while, but had gotten board with no tales to be told.

"I can't take this… this hole. I feel like I'm missing something important."

Everyone was on deck, enjoying the sun and clear skies that were so rare and short on the Grand Line. Zoro had woken up, Brooke stopped playing to Chopper and Sanji paused in the midst of another love confession. Franky was fixing the _Sunny's_ anchor, but also heard Usopp.

Robin closed her book. "I have a question for you, Nagahana-kun."

Interested, Usopp paid attention and the others were also keen to hear what the raven-haired woman had to say.

"What did that writing read?"

Though, the sharpshooter didn't answer, working to remember the message, the other two who had present made sure to comment.

"The one that Usopp could understand at the ruins?" Chopper asked.

Zoro frowned. "And Robin couldn't."

"Really?" Sanji tapped his foot impatiently.

Nami had been with Sanji on Luffy duty at that time and didn't know what they were talking about, either. But she could wait until it played out.

"Where was this?" Or not.

This time, Usopp responded, "Next to the ruby."

"Oh…" Nami covered her face. That loss was too fresh in her mind.

"_What you do not see as truth will show itself in good time as the most precious stone of all."_

They stared at Usopp like he'd suddenly started to spout something in another language. He shrugged and started to put away his things.

Luffy scratched his head. "That's weird."

The crew was in anonymous agreement and didn't even have to say they were at a loss.

But, Robin was well aware of what it meant.

"Ah, so that was it." She wore an amused smile.

"WHAT?" they demanded.

Robin slid a piece of paper out of her book and showed it to her crewmates, including Usopp. On it was a collection of symbols and characters that could be classified as writing.

"This is the original that Nagahana-kun translated for us," Robin pointed at the carefully scripted lines. "It wasn't the ruby that held the curse, because that is what it is, but this message. The interesting part is it was meant for certain eyes only because only he could read it." Their eyes flicked to Usopp.

He glared at the writing like it was a physical enemy. "But, how do I get rid of this… curse?"

"Is it really a curse?" Franky spoke skeptically.

"Yes," Robin confirmed. "And, it's actually quite simple. The words speak of not seeing the truth as being the most precious. This most likely refers to your chronic lying." Brooke chuckled, while Zoro and Sanji smirked. "So, the only way to break the curse is to tell the truth."

Usopp's jaw dropped open. "T-that's it? But… but I've been telling the truth the whole day!"

The sharpshooter yelped a little when Franky hit him in the back in what possibly was a comforting fashion. "Looks like you're stuck, bro. Could be worse."

"Worse…" Usopp gasped and Chopper fidgeted anxiously.

"Robin? Is he stuck?"

She shook her head slowly and everyone released the breath they'd unconsciously been holding. "The trick is…"

"… He has to tell the truth willingly," Nami finished as it dawned on her.

The others, even Zoro were mildly impressed at this deduction.

"Such exquisite beauty _and_ brains~!" Sanji exclaimed.

Zoro muttered something derogatory under his breath, but Robin stopped the cook from retaliating.

"Yes. It's quite fascinating the extent that past civilization went to give people enlightenment. I wonder if the meaning rearranges itself for different people that require aid…"

Usopp wasn't listening anymore and neither was anyone else, as the sharpshooter prepared to tell the truth. Robin was left to her ponderings, not that she had any problem with that, and the others encouraged Usopp.

"Go, Usopp!" Luffy and Chopper chanted. "Tell the truth!"

"Yohoho! This should be very entertaining!"

"If they break anything…" Franky warned, his arms crossed.

Zoro gave him a puzzled glance. "How would they…? Oh, yeah, they always manage. As long as no one gets hurt."

Usopp climbed onto a barrel and raised his hands for silence. His audience quieted.

"Okay, okay. Here I go…"

Sanji rolled his eye at the long nosed man's dramatic inclinations. "Great. The ship's liar is going to return, along with plans to steal food that have a moderately higher chance of succeeding."

"Don't worry, Sanji-kun, I'll get the newest lock at the next town. This will put things back to normal. And isn't it better that way?"

"Hai! Nami-swannn~!"

The sharpshooter took a deep breath and opened his mouth to shout, "I'M A COWARD!"

His cry fell on wondering ears and faded at last.

"Eh? That was his truth?" Franky lifted his sunglasses.

"Figures," Zoro snorted.

Luffy and Chopper jumped up and down while Usopp got off the barrel.

"Try to lie, Usopp! Tell a lie! Come on!"

Nami sweat dropped. "This is backwards…"

An extra hand flipped a page. "So it is."

Deliberately, Usopp made his more excitable nakama wait as he put his hand to his forehead to think. "Let's see… okay, I got it!" He stood ramrod straight and, in a burst of courage pointed at the swordsman and exclaimed. "Zoro, you're hair looks like grass!"

"Nani?" Zoro snarled and began to move menacingly towards the sharpshooter. "Say that again!" Franky and Brooke managed to pull him back before he did something rash.

Usopp had cringed, but held his ground. Yet, the crew was confused. Had anything been proven?

Wearing similarly confused expressions, Luffy and Chopper glanced at him. The reindeer attempted to clarify, "What was that, Usopp? Are you cured?"

He stroked his chin contemplatively. "Hmm, that was the truth. I was going to say his hair _didn't _look like grass. I don't think it worked, then."

"Bastard," the swordsman growled.

Being himself, Luffy found the incident enormously amusing.

"Shishishi!" he laughed. "That's true!"

Sanji chose to redirect the conversation as Zoro grew angrier. "Maybe you're right, Usopp. What now?"

"This probably means that wasn't your real truth," Robin suggested.

"What? Now it has to be my _real_ truth," Usopp groaned.

When no one gave an alternative solution, he gave in. "Fine. I'll try again." He faced his nakama once more, though everyone was less energized and more anxious.

"I SHOULDN'T LIE!"

Luffy grabbed Usopp and pointed to himself, "Say a lie about me."

This wasn't good. The sharpshooter had to decline.

"How about I tell you a story, instead?"

"Yosh!"

"One time, I faced a twister all by myself…" Usopp grinned, thinking he was cured. "From inside a basement."

They were having a difficult time stomaching their disappointment as an entire crew, as Usopp gave it a shot two more times. By the fourth time only Robin and Nami were giving him a second glance as try after try failed.

"Damn it!" Usopp threw his hands in the air. Frustrated and ready to give up, he went down to his workshop and didn't come back up until it was dark.

The night air was nice against his skin, tanned and tough from his time at sea, and Usopp took his time before he arrived at the helm.

It was his favorite spot on the _Thousand Sunny_. He could be near the figurehead that reminded him of the _Merry_ through some connection he seemed to feel whenever he approached the sunflower-shaped lion. Also, it was the center of navigation and, despite not being the navigator, Usopp cherished being at the helm, peering over the lion's head into the many shades of blue.

Now, he brought his hand over the wood grain of the steering wheel. It was decidedly more modern than most ships, Franky had insisted on the best, but tradition remained in its design.

Usopp tightened his grip and stared into the sky. He exhaled and his breathe were tiny ice crystals before him. The evening was young, but already chilly.

Seeing how big the sky, the ocean and everything was around him, put Usopp's life into perspective.

His dream, his journey, his nakama, his strength and his fears. Usopp had those and more and, as was the way of the world, they were challenged at every turn. As were everyone else's and they defended them all the same, but…

Eyes widening, he moved the wheel ever so slightly. Not so their course was altered, but the arrangement of the stars changed to something new.

"I need to defend my dream too," Usopp whispered, to the stars, to his nakama, but mainly himself. His voice gradually grew louder and louder, until it exploded into a burst of willpower. "I don't need lies to fulfill what I want to do or protect my nakama. I don't need to hide behind them. I need to become a BRAVE WARRIOR OF THE SEA!"

As soon as Usopp had this realization he could feel that things were different. He didn't need to test anything to make sure. He could tell, and it felt both familiar, but unusual. Better.

Filled with exultation, Usopp leapt and punched the air, his arm stretching to the stars. The curse was broken and all was well.

He let loose another triumphant cry and then sprinted towards the dining room where he could hear the sounds of nakama and the warm light of home.

"Chopper! Luffy! I have a story to tell you!"

Robin smiled and the disembodied limbs vanished. Just as she thought, this had been a learning experience for every Straw Hat, but especially Usopp.

Seeing her expression, Nami faced her with a thoughtful look.

"Shouldn't you have told Usopp that the curse only lasts a day?"

She didn't need to reply, but did anyway. "No. He needed this."

0~0~0

** Author's Note: **Oh my schnitzel! It's been too long since I updated this baby. But here I am, alive and well. And I'll say this, I'm actually really proud of how this story turned out. Which is funny because Usopp is my least favorite Straw Hat. Not meaning any offense to Usopp fans out there, but I have very little respect for him and yet… It's so easy for me to write from his point of view… I'm a weird soul indeed.

So, I'm trying to include all nine members if it's a short involving others, but damn, it's hard! Especially Brooke, his personality is so… undefined. Besides being perverted and having a sob story that is. _Plus_, I'm really trying not to plaster my love of Zoro all over this and not do justice to the other characters. So, if you see the battle in my writing, cheer for my side.

Preview for the next short. Sanji is generally in good health and good condition, so what caused him to get cramps and why does it hurt so badly? Thanks for reading an please review if you're not on the verge of death. ;)


	5. Cramps

**Disclaimer:** Sanji will give you his love; his cooking and your dreams come true. However, he won't give you this disclaimer.

_Sanji in…_

**Cramps**

He was agile. He was graceful. He was in top physical condition. With all these things in his favor, it was unthinkable that Sanji would end up in such a mind-bending state of affairs.

So it was increasingly mortifying that out of every place he could've been humiliated it was his haven. The one place that even Luffy couldn't undermine him. Where _he_ made the rules and was the longstanding expert, his domain. His kitchen.

Sanji would never forgive that jar of peaches.

He'd planned a wonderful, decadent dessert for his precious Nami-san and Robin-chan that wasn't just delicious, but low on fat so they wouldn't have to worry about their figures. The recipe had called for a number of things, but it revolved around the main ingredient- peaches.

With everything almost ready, Sanji grabbed the jar he got out earlier and twisted off the cap. All that was left were two slices and a puddle of juice at the bottom.

_Damn, I hope we have some more._

He preheated the oven and tossed in the other ingredients in a bowl. Wiping his hands off the cook made his way to the pantry. The door opened with a complaint, crooked and abused as it was from previous raids. Sanji hadn't gotten around to ask Franky to fix it yet.

His eyes roved the interior expertly, recalling where he kept the preserved fruit. Sanji stepped inside and looked from the barrels of flour and bags of sugar on the floor, to the dry foods and, finally, the preserved fruits, and right at the very top, the peaches he was looking for.

Now, Sanji was exceedingly particular and organized when it came to foodstuffs. Each can and jar was labeled so he could find things easily and quickly. He wouldn't keep the ladies waiting, of course.

The problem was how high his required ingredient was.

Normally, he had a ladder for the top shelf that he couldn't reach with his already tall frame, but this had also ended up mysteriously broken. Sanji tried reaching to his arms' extent and on his tiptoes.

Slender fingers brushed the jar, yet it didn't come loose and even if it did he ran the risk of having the last peaches soiled on the ground. Then, he'd have to feed them to the males of the crew.

At that thought he grimaced and leaned back to think. Smoke twirled from his cigarette and his eyebrow furrowed.

Then he had it. He knew just what to do.

It was dangerous. It was combining two things that shouldn't be combined, and, as he'd realize much later, completely idiotic. Yet, his mind was focused on pleasing Nami and Robin, not the cons.

With the ease of one that spends years training and perfecting certain muscles, Sanji flipped into a handstand. He held it for several seconds, before he leapt into action. In a modified move, proven in battle, the cook kicked upwards and to the side in a semi circle. His legs traveled through the air smoothly and so fast they were only a blur.

He registered when the heel of his shoe hit the hardened glass jar. The power of his strike had been toned down enough that it wouldn't shatter and he'd bought a special type of container to use on the perilous and crazy ship. The kind that was nearly bulletproof.

Sanji watched as the peaches tipped off the shelf and plummeted to the floor. He hurriedly twisted into a precarious position as he moved to catch the falling jar.

**Boom!**

A formidable tremor shook the entire ship and everyone and everything in it. The wide-eyed cook had not time to fret about what exactly had caused the explosive sound and quaking. Unfortunately, the unexpected movement had shifted his equilibrium, so as Sanji brought his hands to close around the peaches he abruptly lost his balance.

"Ah!" he gave a cry of surprise and sudden pain when his left leg collapsed and he crumpled to the floor. His other leg was racked with an identical twinge of agony and Sanji bit his tongue to keep from screaming.

In the tumble, his cigarette had been lost and he would not, _could_ not be reduced to yelling from a mere fall, and aided by his position and the abrupt rocking.

And he would have stayed fast in his promise, if Sanji hadn't realized an important detail. He had squeezed his eyes shut to block out the throbbing pain and wasn't ready to open them yet. The damage he'd caused, to himself _and_ to the supplies that had surely been knocked down in the chaos, would be another unpleasant surprise.

Though, Sanji continued to repeat something in his panicked mind.

_I can't move. I can't move. I can't move!_

His first reaction after collapsing had been to climb to his feet like he always did. Recovery was usually swift for the tough cook no matter what happened. Be it enemy, rival, circumstance or the stupid incidents that seemed inescapable in this crew. So, Sanji was more than a little alarmed when he tried to do this… and failed.

He commanded his legs to move and stand up again and again, each time with more desperation and fear. Yet, each time was met with muscles that didn't respond and limbs that hardly twitched. Had he become paralyzed? Unable to fight or walk ever again?

No, that was jumping to conclusions like his younger nakama would. Sanji calmed himself to a slightly lesser degree. Maybe he'd broken both his legs? It was unlikely, because he was sure he hadn't heard one snap and certainly not, but certainly favorable to the other option. He could live with that. Being out of action would be difficult, but that was the story of his life.

"Shit," Sanji groaned. He had to get himself together. If any of his crewmates found him this way… especially the swordsman, he would never live it down. Gritting his teeth, he tried to grab his knees, to tug and force his legs to straighten. At least then, Sanji wouldn't be in the awkward position with one leg pinned underneath the other and that one halfway bent.

At the ensuing shock he couldn't prevent a whimper escaping his lips. Panting, Sanji halted his efforts for the time being. Until he could come up with a way that didn't cause him to cringe and bite down on his tongue even harder.

The cook was granted a respite when he heard a series of thumps and shouting. This was followed by footsteps leading to the door before it was flung open forcefully.

"Sanji-kun! Luffy and Usopp damaged the _Sunny_ and we lost a couple crates of provisions. Could you-? Oh no!"

Nami's angry tirade was miraculously halted when she noticed Sanji on the floor. She quickly pushed the problem involving the other boys out of her mind. Though, they would get their pennies worth later.

In a moment, she was kneeled at the cook's side and took in the almost splits and overall painful and unusual position he was in. Sanji would _never_ be like this. Needless to say, Nami immediately knew something was wrong.

She forfeited tenderness after touching his lightly heeded no reaction, took him by the shoulders and shook him. "Sanji-kun! Sanji! What happened?"

Gradually, his eyes fluttered open and, upon seeing the navigator, he smiled weakly.

"Nami-san…"

"Are you okay?" she demanded, relieved that he was conscious, but frustrated she wasn't getting any answers.

"I was just…" Sanji coughed and Nami propped his head up so he could breath easier. "… Being stupid."

Before she could ask what he meant, she heard a voice coming their way. As gently as she could while being in a hurry, Nami rushed to the open door.

Sanji listened curiously at the brief conversation that followed.

"No! You can't come in right now, Zoro!"

A grumble. "What the hell's wrong with you, woman? I just want some sake-"

The cook bristled. How dare the marimo address Nami-san so rudely! Unfortunately, he was too tied up to defend her at the moment and settled for cursing him under his breath.

"I. Said. No," Nami repeated. There was the sound of a short struggle and raised protests, but the navigator managed to kick Zoro outside and shut the door. Leaning back against the wood, she caught her breath then returned to the downed cook.

When she saw he still hadn't moved, she was surprised.

"Can you move, Sanji-kun?"

Fear was evident in her voice and Sanji ached to comfort her. Valiantly, he gave a last gigantic effort to get his legs untangled. He twitched, yet only his arms would give an indication that his brain was indeed connected to his muscles.

Nami watched him fight and her eyes were wide. She tried to push him back down. "Don't strain yourself."

"Damn it," he growled and fell back, panting. Not only was he physically hurt, but also his pride had taken a blow. Sanji winced, silently grateful that at least Nami had been the one to find him. Though, he would've have been embarrassed if it wasn't so serious, it could've been someone significantly less caring.

The navigator's hands trembled as she looked for anything she could do. Nami held Sanji's head in her hands, yet knew it wouldn't help in the long term.

"At least you can move your arms," she encouraged and he half-smiled, appreciating the support. Nami was an intelligent woman and knew when her nakama needed a doctor. "I'm sorry, Sanji-kun. I'll be right back with Chopper."

She set him back down and stood up. Sanji had to resist expressing his regret that she was leaving.

_Please don't go._

He reached out and caught her sleeve and Nami swiftly looked back.

"Here. I got your peaches…" Sanji dropped the jar of peaches he'd sacrificed so much for into her open hand. Her shocked expression melted into one of warm affection. She touched the label wonderingly as his hand withdrew.

"Thank you, Sanji-kun."

But the cook was already gone, having succumbed to the pain and he rested peacefully. A faint smile played on his lips while he drifted into a sleep filled with dreams.

0~0~0

Waking up felt like a strange, out of body experience.

His bleary eyes took several minutes to clear and he had to brush his tousled blonde hair out of the way before he could take in his surroundings. Which only contributed to his disorientation.

White greeted Sanji wherever he turned his sore head, a dull pain pulsing at the base of his skull. It, combined with the pungent, yet sweet scent of medicine let him know that he was in the ship's infirmary. He recognized Chopper's desk and his favorite swivel chair. The various herbs and medical books were another trademark.

After he was comfortable enough with his location, he looked down at himself. His entire body ached and he lay in a bed with the sheets drawn to his chin. Sanji disliked the feeling of vulnerability and, with minimum suffering, drew his torso into a sitting position. The sheets crumpled around him and he fought back a pang in his head.

Frowning, he raised his hand to his forehead and his fingertips brushed against white bandages. Huh, Sanji didn't remember that he ever hurt his head, but then that would tie in with the pain in his neck.

That brought him back around to the reason he was in this bed in the first place and he straightened with a jerk. Pain pulsed through his body, but Sanji ignored it and cautiously focused all his attention on his legs. He was about to test them and see if he could move now when Chopper closed the door behind him.

The little reindeer stared at his patient in wonderment for several seconds before he ran over and launched himself on the cook happily.

"Sanji! You're awake!" he cried. "We were so worried!"

He tried not to react when the doctor gave him a hug that ignited the pain. But his feelings must have shown through anyway.

Chopper clambered off with big, fretful eyes. "Oh, I'm so sorry! It's just… you were unconscious for a while and…" He trailed off and turned to his desk, ready to get down to business.

At Chopper's comment, Sanji made a face.

"How long was I out?"

Sanji saw the reindeer's back freeze momentarily in his work. Then his shoulders slumped. Though the cook's tone was frustrated, he couldn't lie even if he wanted to.

"A couple days."

Hand his temple and Chopper jumped from the sound. "Shit, shit. That long? I'm such an idiot…"

"Ah! Sanji! You shouldn't be sitting up yet!" the doctor rushed to his side with a tray cluttered with medicine. He'd finally noticed when Sanji berated himself and the cook could only roll his eyes while Chopper nudged and prodded his bare chest until he was lying down.

It was a tedious process, like every time Sanji visited the infirmary. Chopper was incredibly thorough in his examinations and strict, making sure no one left unless he deemed them healthy or on the mend, as he often had to accept. But, this boring wait was made up for the marked improvement afterward and Sanji was always grateful.

Except, he was growing more and more aggravated by the lack of answers and assurance that the medical types were supposed to give. As the reindeer moved from his head injury to his legs, the cook finally burst.

"Ow!" Sanji cringed away from Chopper as he applied slight pressure to his thigh. He'd gotten the sheets out of the way so he could continue to the focus point of his examination and there was only the thin material of his trousers between the doctor's experienced hooves and the tender limbs.

Chopper apologized, but didn't withdraw. When it came to his job he was as brave as a lion, though the worried crease between his eyes never went away.

"Sorry, Sanji." He rolled up a pants leg and swabbed a patch of skin with a cotton ball dipped in alcohol. The cook was doing his best to stay still besides the constant irritation. Chopper took out a syringe filled with a clear fluid and injected it into his leg quickly. Sanji barely felt a thing… until another needle was plunged into him and extracted his blood.

He turned his head away from Chopper. "Ugh."

"Can you wiggle your toes?" the reindeer filed the vial of his blood onto a slide, checked under the microscope and then tied up some bandages. He watched the cook carefully.

Sanji gritted his teeth. "What was that for?"

"That? I needed a sample to check if you were anemic."

"Well?"

"You were clear, but I have to get more time to see if it's a different disease. Now, see if you can wiggle your toes."

With a mumble of "right away, doctor," accompanied by Chopper's blush, Sanji embarked on his new mission. At his crewmate's advice, he relaxed his muscles, released a big breath… and was able to move his toes.

"Good!" Chopper squealed in delight. "It's progress."

However, Sanji wasn't satisfied with such a paltry achievement. He went on to shake his feet and roll his ankles and, with sweat beading on his forehead, surpassed the anguish that had numbed considerably compared to earlier, and got his leg muscles to move. He bent his left knee at a 45-degree angle and then collapsed back on the pillow.

His breathing was unsteady, but he managed a smirk. "See, Chopper? _That's _progress."

"Hmm…" Chopper nodded and tipped his head to give him some water, but he wasn't smiling. Sanji closed his eyes and let the time tick past.

He wasn't sure when he'd fallen asleep, but when he glanced to his right, the cook saw Chopper in his chair again, turning the pages of a huge book half his size.

"Eh, Chopper?"

The reindeer gave him a startled look. "Do you need anything, Sanji? I can give you some more medicine for the pain-"

"Chopper, what's wrong?"

In the act of reaching for pills, he paused and his small smile vanished. He looked down at his book, anywhere but Sanji, and was quiet. This caused a small shiver to run through the cook.

Finally, Chopper acknowledged his patient. "I went over your symptoms again and what I discovered in your examination," he began softly. "At first, I thought it was dehydration or anemia, or another condition that causes fainting and muscle weakness. But… I was wrong…"

Suddenly more alert than he'd been since… however long he'd been unconscious, Sanji propped himself halfway on his elbow. It was a rare event when the reindeer prodigy initial guesses were incorrect.

"It wasn't any of those things," Chopper went on. "From your reaction when I touched your legs and your temporary paralysis originating there…"

He blinked in surprise, remembering the scene when Nami found him. Sanji couldn't believe he'd forgotten, if merely for a moment.

"… You're leg muscles have been torn in multiple places. " The doctor witnessed Sanji's expression change from faintly worried to astonished. Chopper opened the page of the book he'd been reading that showed a detailed sketch of the anatomy of the leg paired with scribbled notes. "It's probably from extreme overuse with no precautions that caused such severe damage. I should've watched you better, Sanji."

Tears had come to Chopper's eyes and his shoulders started to shake. Sanji was divided between wanting to comfort him and shouting in denial.

"Impossible," he murmured, mostly to himself. "I've been training with the Red Leg techniques and perfecting my own for years! There's no way an accident like that could turn so bad…"

Chopper choked back a sob and wiped his eyes. He looked Sanji in the eye determinedly, though his bottom lip continued to tremble. "I don't know how it happened exactly, but even someone like you, Sanji. If you fall in a way that you did, the muscles of a human can only bear so much weight and contortion."

It was hard to find sense in the words, yet the cook was concerned with one thing in particular.

"What does this mean?"

"Well, you should've gotten cramps leading up to extended exertion with no rest…"

Sanji didn't say anything, but nodded slowly. Actually, he had, yet they were so minor and occasionally a by-product of a major fight, that he hadn't given it a second thought. But that wasn't the point.

"What does this mean?" he repeated.

Reluctantly, Chopper told him.

"WHAT?"

0~0~0

By the end of his third day in the infirmary, the same day Chopper gave him the diagnosis, Sanji had gone stir crazy and he'd made up his mind that it was time to get back to work. Whether the reindeer approved or not.

Which he decidedly did not.

As Sanji sat up and swung his legs around to the side of the bed, Chopper was constantly switching between Brain Point and Heavy Point. He could only stop the cook in his larger form, but the fear of hurting him was holding the doctor back. He settled with yelling and half-hearted threats.

"No, Sanji! You need to rest and heal before you start walking again!" he protested and ran around, attempting to dissuade the blonde-haired man.

He waved his hand at Chopper and tried to concentrate through the noise. His previous tries and even getting his legs to change position had drained all his energy, but Sanji recovered fast.

Resolutely, he gripped the edges of the bed and slowly and painfully rose to his feet. It took two heartbeats until a fierce pain jolted through Sanji and he swayed unsteadily. His legs wobbled weakly and he would have tumbled to the ground if Chopper hadn't transformed and caught him.

"I told you!" he scolded and started to set him on the bed. "You're not even _near_ ready."

Sanji's eyebrows furrowed. "Chopper, I'm fine. Hand me those crutches and let me go." The doctor hovered uncertainly, glancing between the cook and the wooden supports he always had ready for his crewmates. Finally, the glare got through to Chopper and he hurried to grab the crutches.

"Thanks," Sanji grunted and situated each one underneath his arm. He experimented with the instruments that were meant for usually _one_ injured limb and took a couple steps. The movement ignited dormant agony in his bandaged legs as he traveled across the room with difficulty, but Sanji stubbornly persisted.

Eventually, he reached the door and glanced back at Chopper, who had been watching him fretfully. A smile touched his lips, spotted with blood from biting down, his tongue in a similar condition. "Have more confidence in me, Doctor Chopper."

"That doesn't make me happy at all, you bastard!" he grinned.

But, this small feat hadn't completely convinced him and Chopper insisted on rewrapping Sanji's legs and forehead.

He handed the cook two round pills and a glass of water. "You're going to have to take these four times a day, three at meals and one at your choosing." Sanji obliged and swallowed the medicine. "If you don't…" Chopper warned. "The pain will become too much and you'll collapse again…"

Shaking his head, he mourned his bad patient. "You're really exerting yourself too much, too early, Sanji…"

When the reindeer glanced up, however, Sanji was gone and the infirmary door swayed traitorously.

"Wait!"

The cook had escaped as soon as possible and was ready to resume his duty as part of the Straw Hat Crew.

0~0~0

On his way to the kitchen to create a meal that would be worth all the ones he'd missed, Sanji ran into most of his nakama that were lounging on deck.

And he was immediately bombarded with happy greetings and questions. In Luffy, Chopper and Usopp's case, he was literally pulled into a giant hug they didn't lessen until his pain was clear and Nami disciplined them.

Robin was the first to be heard over the mass ruckus.

"Ah, you're finally up, Cook-san?"

He turned to her with a lovesick grin. "Robin-chan, I'm so sorry I haven't been able to take care of your wishes. I'll fix you some coffee right away~!"

She giggled. "It's okay. I'm perfectly capable of making my own."

"Yohoho! I'm glad you're all right, Sanji-san!" Brooke exclaimed.

"We all are," Nami put in pointedly.

Everyone chorused his or her agreement. Zoro yelped when Nami's elbow drove into his side and also muttered something.

Luffy came up to the cook and begged, "Sanji, I'm hungryyy…"

Sanji almost took pity on his captain. The guilt from shirking his duties was already eating his alive. "Stop bothering me," he snapped, but was making his way to the kitchen anyways. "Then, maybe I'll whip something up."

Struggling to appear as strong as possible on his bandaged and aching legs, Sanji reached the door with his crutches. Only to find Usopp blocking it, the poor sharpshooter was quaking as the cook appraised him coldly.

"What are you doing?"

"I… I… we decided to l-let you…" he stuttered and Sanji wondered if he could push him from his path since Chopper was nowhere in sight.

Then the navigator interjected, saving Usopp in the process. "Sanji-kun, we're going to be cooking the meals until you've recovered. You need a break off your feet."

She gestured at his sorry condition.

If anyone else, apart from Robin, had even _suggested_ Sanji should let his nakama cook in his place he would've decked him or her, or in this case, had a strongly worded argument. However, this was Nami and she, and everyone else who were watching, knew his weak spot.

"That's so kind of you Nami-swan~!" he gushed, energetic in at least a couple retrospect. "But, you don't need to…"

However she wasn't listening, and the others weren't hearing it either, with Luffy salivating just thinking about food.

"You can pay me back when you're all better, Sanji-kun," Nami inserted slyly. "Hey Franky, Luffy's starting to chew on the ship!"

The cook knew he was stuck, as the navigator stalked off to deal with her crewmates.

Chopper suddenly appeared at Sanji's side. "Sanji."

Taking his hand, the reindeer led him to a seat to rest.

It wasn't until he relaxed into the chair, that Sanji realized how heavily he was breathing and how much the walking and standing had taken out of him. Cursing his idiocy that started this, he wiped his brow and did as he was told for now.

There began the start of a crew collaboration to keep food on the table and the cook away from the kitchen.

0~0~0

The system itself was of sturdy design and it was easy to tell who had contributed. It was also apparent that Chopper had informed the rest of the Straw Hats of the main points of Sanji's injuries.

He really appreciated _that_.

And if being treated like a fragile doll that needed aid every waking minute wasn't horrific enough, Sanji had to bear having others preparing food.

Once he had gotten the strength to state his objections more clearly, Sanji was very reluctant to have anyone but the girls anywhere near the inner sanctum of the kitchen, handling the preciseness.

That battle was similarly lost.

A rotation system had been designed, where each day a new Straw Hat would cook any and all meals. This gave everyone the chance to help, even if they didn't want to and offered the respite from certain cooking that definitely lacked skills.

Both Robin and Nami were decent cooks, and Sanji wasn't saying so just because they were his ladies. Okay… maybe partly.

"Ah, Nami-swan! You're desserts are lovely~! What an elegant taste and feel, Robin-chwan~!"

Yet, it was true, as the rest, and less biased of the crew would attest that the girls did have some talent. They would have been sorely disappointed otherwise because if they had to guess who could cook after Sanji it would be Nami or Robin. At least they specialized in one or two areas of the preparation that was quite good.

When it was the archaeologist's turn the layout was elegant, yet the food was simple. She made excellent use of seasonings, though the balance was far from perfect.

Nami, however, had a completely different style of cooking. She tended to use lots of color and fruit in each and every dish. Even if some of those citrus and fish ones left a bit to be desired.

Up to then, the crew survived on the rotations. It was when it was the guys' turn to do their job that Sanji got anxious and insisted on supervising.

Usopp was first and spent the entire time cooking talking to Sanji. So much that the cook had to remind him to watch the stove or pour the mixture _in_ the bowl. Most of his advice wasn't heeded, for a multitude of reasons, but no one could say he couldn't try. The sharpshooter's creations were hard to stomach after Sanji got Usopp to tone down on some parts. Everything was decidedly spicy and Chopper had to treat a lot of burned throats by the end of the day.

Next was Franky, who had a hard enough time moving around the kitchen as it was. He'd designed it to be spacious, but hadn't had his bulky arms and build in the equation. He evidently hadn't expected to be the one cooking and handling the various instruments. After he got somewhat used to it, with Sanji helping for the more delicate procedures, the cyborg demonstrated his affinity. It might've been because he ran on the liquid or that he'd gotten it into his head that it made anything taste delicious. So, Franky somehow managed to insinuate cola into the appetizers, the main dish, and even the dessert.

Chopper was very excited to get the chance the cook and Sanji was as patient as possible. The doctor had a fair understanding of mixing ingredients for his medicine, which made it easier. His food turned out fairly well, but would've have tasted much better if Chopper hadn't taken his love for sugar and added cupfuls of the stuff.

By the time, the gentlemanly skeleton made his way into the kitchen, Sanji's expectations were low as could be. Not that they were particularly high to begin with.

Though, he tried to be as helpful as possible.

With, "Try this, Brooke," or "Don't use that." But despite all the aid Sanji sent his way, Brooke was incredibly clumsy with the pas, whisks, ingredients… you name it. His long, gangly arms and legs may have made him a wonderful musician and a talented swordsman, but he continued to bump into things.

"Oops," he spoke as he knocked an egg off the counter. The unfortunate egg plummeted to a grisly death.

Sanji had had enough, managed to stay on his feet with his crutches and grabbed a spatula. The skeleton was promptly chased out of the kitchen.

None of Brooke's food was tasted after that, though Sanji severely doubted the crew would go hungry without it.

He was exhausted, and he wasn't even doing the cooking. Just watching most of his nakama fail miserably at _his_ job was tiring and Sanji made sure to express his displeasure around everyone but the ladies. He was constantly asking Chopper how much longer he had to put up with the torture and as soon as he thought it couldn't get any worse; the green-haired swordsman was up to plate.

_Why is this even happening?_ Sanji despaired as he eyed Zoro from a chair. _I can use my hands just fine, yet they won't let me do anything._ He glared at his legs for failing him. _Oh yeah,_ a sarcastic voice added. _… Maybe, because you needed to please the girls and everyone but yourself? _The cook put his head in his hands. _Oh, shut up._

Following his inner dilemma, he was torn between making sure the marimo didn't blow up the kitchen, and walking as far as way as possible so he wouldn't be responsible for another failure. It was hard enough just seeing Zoro with his precious supplies, regarding them with a thoroughly confused expression.

Eventually, Sanji got Zoro not to use his swords while cutting the vegetables and so he wouldn't hold the gleaming, and alarmingly sharp, knives like katana. Afterwards, he let the swordsman loose; only checking in now and then to check everything was intact.

Out of all the crew that had cooked so far, Zoro made him the most nervous. He paced around the deck before the meal until his muscles twinged in complaint and he had to rest. None of Robin's quiet assurances or Luffy's excitement that always came with anything edible eased his fears.

In fact, Luffy was probably the most accepting with the food his nakama had prepared so far. Though he made the occasional complaint or comparison with Sanji's food, he would eat every last scrap. Though they were used to it by now, their captain's stomach was still able to astound them.

Then the swordsman called them into the dining room. They took their seats, with Chopper sitting next to Sanji like he'd been doing since he got hurt and waited expectantly. While, Usopp and Franky held back the ravenous Luffy, the cook appraised the settings on the table.

From the arrangement it looked like they were going to have a number of light foods, including seafood and perhaps some seasonal fruit. Sanji was still speculating when Zoro walked in with armfuls of food.

As quickly as he could, keeping Luffy at bay with a spoon and punches, Zoro practically threw it on the table.

"Wait, baka! Otherwise no one else will get any!" he shouted above the noise.

In a somewhat civilized fashion, Zoro hadn't though about putting out the food _before_ everyone came in, the swordsman served his creations. Sanji had been mostly right about the general selection.

There was onigiri, sushi, crackers, strawberries and sliced meat with their captain in mind. It was accompanied by an assorted other things.

The way everything was chopped and cut made the cook think that Zoro's swords skills had actually come in handy in the kitchen. It was done almost expertly, but Sanji contained his mild impression. It might have gone smoothly if their rivalry and the natural atmosphere of Straw Hat meals hadn't kicked in.

Luffy stuffed some sushi rolls in his bulging mouth. "Vou, Shoro! Kis esh weawy bood!" he exclaimed, crumbs flying everywhere.

Nami wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Don't talk with your mouth full!"

"Rowry, Dnami," Luffy turned to her.

"Or, better yet, don't talk at all!" she hit him on the head and his face went into his bowl.

Brooke weaved a little tune as usual as the crew indulged themselves. Then, Usopp glanced from his plate and talking with Franky, "Oi, Zoro. Where'd you learn to make this stuff?"

"I had to survive somehow, so I picked up a few things here and there." He shrugged like it was no big deal, but Sanji saw his smirk.

"It's very well-prepared," Robin complimented.

He clenched his fists under the table and looked away from the swordsman.

In the past days, the absence of Zoro and Sanji fighting had been obvious and it had taken its toll on both of them. If you thought about it positively, which almost no one ever did, it allowed them to release their tension when there wasn't an enemy in sight, or even if there was one.

Yet now, that tension was slowly rising to unbearable levels. Zoro noticed Sanji's reaction and raised an eyebrow.

"What's up with you, cook?"

"Nothing." He made tighter fists.

"The food not up to your standards?" the swordsman continued.

Chopper sent Sanji a concerned glance, but the man ignored it.

He didn't reply to the question, which Zoro noticed as well.

Zoro raised a glass of sake to his lips. "Or, you're feeling outdone…"

Sanji felt anger rush to his head and he gave the swordsman a sharp glare. Was he _goading_ him? Did Zoro want to start a fight?

Yes, that smirk said, yes he did.

Unfortunately for the marimo, though, Sanji wasn't going to bend over backward for him. Though the comment started a tic in his forehead.

"You…" he growled and their eyes met across the table.

The sake landed on the wood loudly and at this point a few of the crew were watching, namely Robin and Chopper.

"It must suck feeling useless, ero-cook," Zoro rolled out the insult slowly.

_What the hell?_ Sanji screamed in his mind. What was up with the man and the sadistic grin he was giving him?

But, no matter how much Sanji was trying to restrain his boiling temper that was the last straw. He shot to his feet, ignoring the sudden pang, and causing the chair to skid back with a screech.

"You want to fight marimo!" he shouted furiously.

Zoro was also standing and his hand went to the hilts of his katana. He roared back, "If you can take me, curly-brow!"

Their glares met venomously and the strand of thread that separated them from fighting up to now snapped. They only paused a moment to see who would make the first move.

Several more of their nakama had jumped up.

"Sanji! Zoro! This is not the time!" Nami cried.

Usopp covered his eyes. "Don't do it…"

Chopper waved frantically, trying to get their attention. "No, Sanji! You're still severely injured! You could make it a lot worse-!"

The men suddenly shifted their positions and everyone froze, the cries to stop being repeated again and again.

But it was too late. In a blur, Sanji dropped his crutches and swung his leg up and around. The swordsman drew his white sword.

"Zoro! Wait!" Luffy abruptly rose.

There was nothing he could do to stop them, though. Sanji was already in an unstoppable motion and Zoro had no choice but to defend himself.

Blade met leg and a rush of air was sent back by the force. Then everything happened in slow motion. Uncertainty was written all across the swordsman's face as he stood in a defensive stance, with his sword slid halfway from its sheath to catch the strike.

Then, Sanji made a small sound of pain and collapsed to the floor.

All he could feel was a burning, hot lance piercing the one leg he'd lashed out with. Then that anguish transferred partly to his other and registered with his mind. Sanji fought hard not to pass out; clutching his damaged leg with eyes squeezed shut.

He could also hear voices. Nami and Usopp's panic that spread through the rest of the group like wildfire, Zoro's curses, Robin's calming voice that urged everyone to go outside, and Luffy's silence. It was so tantamount that Sanji almost missed what Chopper spoke in his ear.

His fear and concern came close to over rided his doctor's instincts, but they remained. When he knew the cook could hear him and said so with a groan.

"I told you, Sanji. You can't fight or use your kick, or…" Chopper's voice was choked. "Come on, let's get you somewhere to sleep."

0~0~0

To say Sanji learned his lesson would be an understatement. He followed the reindeer's instructions to the letter. Well, almost… He was eager to get out of the infirmary after his latest incident, but he did his best.

Zoro hadn't spoken a single word to him, after a muttered, if sincere, "I'm sorry."

They weren't on speaking terms and they hardly looked at each other either. Sanji's original thought after the swordsman apologized was that Nami had put him up to it, but he didn't have the heart to blame it on his plenty remorseful nakama. Because that's what he was, even if he was a pain in the ass. He knew he shared most of that blame. It was his fault that been provoked into fighting with Zoro and he should've thought of the consequences.

However, Sanji believed some good had come of it. That little clash had relieved a lot of his balled up stress and he was moderately less irritable.

The cooking rotations were still in effect, and the crew was getting more used to the strange activity. But, Sanji had drawn the line somewhere. There was no way in hell he was going to let Luffy cook, or even get within ten feet of the kitchen and the food it held.

He went to enough trouble trying to prevent the rubbery boy from sneaking meat from the fridge in the middle of the night. He'd have to be a hypocrite to change that now.

So, Luffy wasn't a part of the cooking program and, as long as he got to eat whatever was made, he seemed okay with that.

A little over a week and half since Sanji first fell and strained his legs, the_ Thousand Sunny_ docked in a port town known for its bars and spirits. The Log Pose only took a day to set, and they were supposed to put the shopping before any relaxing.

Sanji did his food shopping with Usopp, finally able to escape from Chopper's doctoring for short spurts of time. Enough trust had been gained that he didn't have an extra shadow and he relished the increased freedom.

They didn't have too many distractions, other than one or two beautiful girls, and the pair finished their duties by the afternoon. As Nami had described, they went to the _Gold E. Bar_ after, where every one was eventually supposed to meet up

When they entered, it was amazingly rowdy despite it being broad daylight, and Usopp cleared the way best he could for his crewmate. Sanji still had both his crutches, though his left leg was strong enough that he could support it without one for a while.

Cook and sharpshooter got through the crowd to the bar stools and sat down. It didn't take long before they spotted Nami and Robin.

"Nami-swan, Robin- chwan~! Over here~!" Sanji waved, the crutches next to the bar.

They waved back and settled down next to Usopp to the cook's disappointment.

"Where're the others?" Usopp asked.

"Oh," Nami tucked he money away after ordering a drink for her and Robin. "Zoro's with Chopper, Franky's with Brooke… wasn't Luffy supposed to be with you guys?"

Sanji and Usopp looked at each other, then nodded slowly.

Nami sighed. "Ugh, it happened again…"

"… We lost Luffy," Sanji finished. He took a drag of his cigarette.

"We'll find him sooner or later," Robin smiled.

"Later," Usopp, Sanji, and Nami simultaneously replied.

With a giggle, Robin opened a map. "How unusual… This place depends on the income from the bars and liquor stores. It's the only source of income…"

"Really?" Nami glanced over at the map. "Any treasure?"

They were beginning to get comfortable in the bar, when their peace was disrupted.

A very drunk man hobbled over to where the pirates sat. He leaned unsteadily against the counter and grinned at the girls. "Hey there, sweeties… You got some nice looks going for ya… Mind if I buy ya a round of drinks? Then we could go to my place-"

He never got to finish his offer, because Sanji didn't have to see Nami's affronted and angry expression or Robin's unsmiling face. When it came to women, he always acted, and it didn't matter that his leg wasn't healed.

Before anyone could blink, a black leg rushed through the air and knocked the man out cold. He slid to the ground with a bunch of broken teeth and a groan.

Usopp glanced down with surprise and awe. He wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of that.

Of course, the action hadn't been without punishment. Sanji's agony flared once more, but he stayed on his feet.

Without speaking, he painfully got his crutches.

"Sanji-kun…" Nami started.

"It's nothing," he responded. Sanji didn't regret it and he merely flinched.

Not long after, they collected their belonging and the cook limped back to the ship.

0~0~0

The day when the last of Sanji's cramps had disappeared and Chopper proclaimed he was completely recovered was a day of unabashed joy and celebration. He had to be more careful with himself and add some new stretches and training to his repertoire so this wouldn't happen again, but that was nothing.

Early on Chopper had said if he didn't take it easy and let himself heal there was a strong possibility he would never be able to use the Red Leg style again, or even walk. That temporary paralysis to begin with had been just a taste.

Yet, Sanji could put most of that behind him. There were just a few things left to do.

He walked out on the deck and was greeted with a playful wind. It didn't take long for the cook to locate the swordsman, snoring underneath the shade of the lone tree.

Sanji took aim and sent a solid kick into Zoro's ribs. There was a satisfying sound and a cry as his shoe met the man's side and the aftershock in his legs was a pleasant one.

Zoro spewed a stream of curses at the cook, but he only grinned, tossed a jar into the air and caught it.

"There's more where that came from, shitty marimo."

Yes, he was back and better than ever. Now, he only needed to finish that peach dessert for the ladies and he'd be perfectly content.

0~0~0

**Author's Note:** I'm getting on the one short a week track again, with this one a day late. I had a lot of fun with this one. Sanji's a fun character to write and I know he's a favorite. But, the wait is over, here he is for you to squeeze, love and molest. Don't worry he won't mind. ;)

Oh, why peaches, you may ask? Because they're yummy, sweet and the first thing that popped into my head. This whole short is a mix of random ideas that I might want to expand on. For instance, Zoro making sushi… oh come on! It's so obvious he'd make that kind of food, and onigiri. ^^ How original! If you couldn't guess what Luffy was saying it was, "Wow Zoro! This really good!" and "Sorry, Nami."

I don't have much to say, but thanks for the reviews so far, especially the helpful ones, I appreciate them so much and for the overall support. You guys make me want to keep on writing. The victim of the next short is Chopper- our favorite little reindeer encounters fur traders and changes his mind about something.


	6. I'm a Tanuki

**Disclaimer:** With Chopper's doctoring, it might be up and running again, but until then it's under strict orders not to take off its bandages.

_Tony Tony Chopper in…_

**I'm a Tanuki**

A couple wildly feathered and brightly colored, gossiping, exotic birds gave Chopper advice. They were a proud air, constantly preening so that it took a while before he could get their attention for a mere minute. At least, when he did, they knew what they were talking about.

_Dewdrop Lily? _One clarified and the reindeer nodded.

_Oh! Dewdrop Lily! _The other exclaimed. _I heard from one parakeet that heard from someone else who knew the wild cat that lived near the place where you could find one!_

"Um, where's that?" Chopper wondered, shifting from hoof to hoof anxiously. So far he hadn't run into any trouble, and the local animals had been mostly helpful in his search for herbs and other necessities. Yet, it remained a strange, unfamiliar jungle and it was beginning to get dark. He had to get back to the ship and everyone before…

_Don't listen to her! _The second bird squawked. _Just keep on going straight, and then take a left after the giant banyan tree. It'll be right there._

Chopper brightened. "Really? Thanks!"

He waved goodbye and jumped over a fallen branch in the path.

The birds took no notice, however. _What are you talking about? You're the birdbrain!_

_ Look who's talking…_

The little doctor continued along the trail, narrow and winding, beaten by the many creatures that lived in the humid forest. Speaking of which, Chopper's fur itched uncomfortably from the heat. He had to take a couple breaks to catch his breath and drink from his water canteen.

But each one was shorter than the last, and as he strapped on his backpack after the third stop he couldn't wait to reap his rewards.

The Dewdrop Lily was renowned for its remarkable healing properties. Overnight, it collected moisture from its surroundings in its delicate golden bell. Then, the dewdrops underwent an unexplainable transformation in the lily so that if you drunk from the bell, rubbed the wet lily on an infection or even merely touched the water you were completely cured of most afflictions.

Its existence was a legend and most doctors were disinclined to believe it for a second. Chopper was still young and impressionable, though and traveling the Grand Line with Luffy and the others had taught him that if one person thought it was real then it was never impossible. He was determined to at least see this plant and it had given him the courage to roam the island foliage without his nakama's protection.

However, there was one flaw to the Dewdrop Lily. It only retained such incredible healing as long as the dewdrops were in its bell and the flower was moist. There was a limited time until the water would drain away in the daylight. This worried Chopper, but only a little. Since there was no guarantee he could pick the lily and plant it somewhere else without it dying, he'd let the dew gather and then he'd store it in the vials he'd brought.

A happy smile came to Chopper's face as he traveled along the path. He trailed a twig in the dirt and hummed so he wouldn't feel so alone. As he steadily got deeper, the sounds and sights of other animals had grown fewer and far between and the reindeer was gratified when he looked up and saw a gigantic tree.

It was the width of ten of the sister trees that lived near it and the sprawling branches blocked out all but a few rays of sun. Vines wound around the trunk and Chopper gasped aloud. The might of the tree was tangible in the air. There was no way it could be missed and its presence meant one thing.

Nearby, was the Dewdrop Lily. Chopper could no longer contain his excitement and rushed forward. He could think of how much just a little of the flower could help his companions. If he saved the dew that had been infused with the lily's power it could make the difference between life and death.

It was a chance he couldn't miss.

In his anticipation toe reach his goal, Chopper stumbled and tripped over a rock. He landed in the long grass of a clearing with a cry.

More carefully, he got to his feet again, brushed off his pants and retrieved his backpack. Wonderingly, he let his eyes take in where he was.

It was a single patch of the jungle that wasn't covered with sweeping trees other bushy, thorny flora. There was a collection of rocks off to one side, and the only livings things was the grass below his hooves and a golden bell gently bobbing in the breeze.

Yes! That was it! He'd finally found the Dewdrop Lily!

Chopper ran to the flower and kneeled beside it. After a quick consultation with the descriptions in the notes of his books, the doctor knew it was the real thing. Slowly he reached out and stroked smooth, waxy petals. Then he examined the inside of the flower and was surprised by what he saw.

In the bottom of the bell was a good couple teaspoons of dew left over from the night before. Chopper smiled widely and giggled.

He couldn't believe his luck. It was more than he could've ever hoped and now he wouldn't have to wait until the evening for the water to collect. Though small, this amount would suit his purposes if he saved it for dire situations.

Exhilarated, he opened his bag and started to rummage through in search of his vials. All Chopper had left to do was tip that dew into the containers and he could return to the ship with his pride as a man and a pirate.

Just when he closed on one of the vials however, a rasping voice startled him and he jumped, dropping his stuff.

"What do you think you're doing out here?"

Chopper had landed on his back when he panicked and he started to move backward away from the approaching voice that grew nearer and nearer.

Then, a shape separated from the shadows of the trees.

The scream died in Chopper's throat and came out as a pathetic little squeak. He couldn't speak as the stranger came into view.

It was a grizzled, old she-cat, with a thin, wiry build and faded black spots along her ragged pelt. She looked as if she had seen better days and there was a mean, hungry look in her eyes even as she stopped mid-prowl to yawn.

Sharp canines were enough to make the poor reindeer move farther and his frightened gaze went to his bag. Many of the supplies were spilled, but if he planned this right…

Finishing her yawn, the she-cat sat back on her furry haunches and regarded Chopper with a mixture of irritation and boredom. "It's not often we see your kind here."

Gradually, Chopper's mind started to work again and he sat up. The first thing that registered was that he wasn't hearing the cat speak in an animal language, but in human.

"Ahh! You can talk?" he released the scream he'd been holding back.

Taken aback, the she-cat blinked and then threw back her head. She made a strange coughing growl that Chopper soon realized was laughter. What was up with this weird creature?

After her laughing bout was over, the she-cat wiped her face with a paw and shook her head. "Ah hah, what a surprise. So can you."

Chopper shut his open mouth. "B-but… how?"

She gave him a slanted glare.

"That's the same as asking how a bird flies or how a fish swims," the cat growled. The doctor began to shove his stuff in his bag quickly, when the creature changed her tact again. "It's something I picked up from the humans."

The reindeer paused. "Is that what you meant by my kind?"

Once more, the she-cat sent Chopper a strange look. "Are you a human?"

"W-well…" he wasn't sure whether he should elaborate to elaborate on his "abilities." So he settled for changing the subject. "I didn't know there were humans living here."

Languidly, she stretched and clambered to her paws. "They come here now and again."

Her words were oddly stiff and bitter. Chopper was left wondering what the problem was while the she-cat padded over to the Dewdrop Lily and sniffed it with a delicate care.

Suddenly, she bristled, her fur sticking out at all ends and she faced the boulders. A snarl rumbled from her chest and between her bared teeth.

"They're here!"

"What? Who's here?" Chopper wondered curiously and with some trepidation. He jogged over to the agitated she-cat.

Abruptly, she started pushing him in one direction and he was about to fight back when she hissed, " The humans that come to poach on the animals in this forest. You have to go. Hurry!"

With more force, she drove her head into Chopper's back and he was pushed so he was almost behind the right side of the rocks.

"Stay there for one moment," the she-cat ordered and dashed off.

It left the reindeer in a very undesirable position while frightened and disoriented. Just the thought of humans hunting animals was enough for him to shiver, but he also wanted to be brave.

Not much time had passed as promised, so Chopper didn't have to make a decision.

A golden bellflower, the lily, was shoved into his hooves and he looked at the she-cat with wide, confused eyes.

"Here, take it," she told him. A small smile graced her graying muzzle. "You seem like a decent person."

Then she turned and sprinted to the other side of the clearing and rocks where the sounds of several men were growing louder.

Chopper's gaze went to the she-cat, the flower, and then back again. He'd nearly forgotten about it in all the commotion and somehow he knew the old cat trusted him with something more important than he could imagine.

He found a strong voice and called, "Wait! What's your name?"

The intruders made themselves heard, and though Chopper couldn't see him from his hiding place by the rocks he could tell they were all men.

"Heh, what do we have here?"

"Oi! It's that mangy cat!"

"The one that's always guarding this crumby place?"

"That's the one."

"What should we do? Think the boss will want it?"

There was a deafening pause, then, "Kill it."

But above this, Chopper could hear the she-cat. Her voice sounded far away, yet it was clear.

"You can call me Lily."

At the same time Chopper risked a peek, he saw her pounce and the conversation ended. It was reduced to a series of growls, hisses, shouts and curses, followed by gunfire.

Chopper ran as fast as he could, turning into his Walk Point, and the tears were there as well. He continued until he felt his heart would burst, with his bag and the lily in his mouth.

Then as shadow came over him and he tried to skid to a stop and turn around, but it was too late.

Something surrounded the reindeer, trapping him and he was helpless. His struggling only leached his energy.

Through it all, someone laughed malevolently.

0~0~0

He fought hard to get away from his captor and he must have succeeded somewhat because he felt his hoof connect with human flesh. However, the air coming through the material of the big, burlack sack he was in was meager and the man only tightened his grip as he walked. Chopper's head spun when he shook him around cruelly and he knew there was no way he could change to Heavy Point when he was nearly unconscious.

For several more minutes, he squirmed, making a last- ditch attempt by thrusting his antlered head forward. Instead, his captor grunted and swung the bag.

His head connected with something hard and pointed and that was the last he was aware of.

0~0~0

It was deafening. A thousand voices filled with desperation and plaintive cries for rescue knocked around Chopper's already aching head. The same ones that would've seemed like yowls, growls and caws were easily understandable as he staggered to his feet.

_Help!_

_ It hurts!_

_ Someone, help us!_

_ What's going on!_

_ HELP!_

When he'd been knocked unconsciousness, Chopper had reverted to his Brain Point. Wincing and rubbing his head, he swayed slightly before he regained his balance. He was appalled by what he saw when the world stopped spinning.

Frantically, he stumbled towards the sight, but was halted by steel bars. Chopper grunted as he hit the metal and realized that he was as much a captive and helpless as any of the other poor creatures scattered about the room.

Cages and crates were stacked to the ceiling on almost every side of the rocky chamber, leaving only a small patch of ground space for anyone to walk through. Animals of every species and kind were shoved into the small spaces. A horned lion was in a cage half his size and dirty straw and rotting meat mingled with the horrid display.

In his entire life, Chopper had never seen animals treated so badly and so many at once. Then again, he'd never been unlucky enough to be in such a place. He bit his lip to keep from crying out in shock and denial. His whole body trembled with anger.

Standing by the bars to stare out a world of still more bars, he direly wanted to help his fellow creatures. No one deserved this, but a twinge in his head reminded the reindeer he'd have to help himself first.

He was delighted to see his backpack had made it inside with him and quickly found the bandages and aspirin. Most of its contents had fallen out, but Chopper touched upon the smooth surface of the Dewdrop Lily. He let out a relieved sigh and went to work.

While the doctor tried to help some of the animals with their injuries, though finding it tricky to just reach through the bars to the next cage, he started to talk with them. Chopper did his best to form a plan with the animals, but there were too many and each one was panicked and crazed with fear. At their wits' end, so any attempt to escape would end in failure.

Chopper had just sat back after tending a two-tailed fox's wounded paw when the door slammed open.

"Give me a minute to shut up the damn animals!" a rough, obnoxious voice yelled to someone and a lumbering shape appeared. Chopper watched with curiosity, which the others lacked, and a fear that was mirrored in their eyes. "Geez," a man came into view and began to rattle the cages.

"Damn, what's into you all of a sudden?"

He stalked past Chopper's cage and the reindeer shrank away. The cause of the animals raised voices had been him, with all his talk and doctoring that excited them.

The burly man, dressed in ragged clothing and several days of stubble paused at the end of the row of crates when there was a sudden clang and the creatures snarled and shrieked louder.

Though Chopper couldn't see what was happening, he got the gist of it from their panic.

_No! _

_ It's happening again!_

_ I don't want to be next!_

Next… the last cry echoed among the stacks of imprisoned creatures and a wind seemed to be summoned by the fateful words. Chopper hugged his arms closer and would have remained that way if he hadn't caught a glimpse of what the man held.

Heaps of shivering fur, bound by muzzles, and reduced to almost nothing. Then, among them, a tattered and spotted pelt…

"NO!"

When he put two and two together, knowing that it was probably the she-cat, Lily, his frustration was too great. The protest came free and throwing his hooves over his mouth was futile.

Slowly and with a confusion fitting for a dim-witted human being, the villain turned. Chopper didn't make another sound, even as tears ran down his face and he clutched the flower in his pocket.

As the man couldn't see who had spoke, he finished his brief survey and huffed. "Huh?"

Assuming someone had called him from the other room and burdened with the animals, he stomped outside the storage and the door shut again in finality.

Chopper was breathing heavily. Beyond this place there wouldn't be return. He shut his eyes tight and drew his arms over his chest. Even if he wouldn't be able to hear or see what happened, he wanted to lock out the brutality, at least for a little longer.

0~0~0

"What do we have here?" a skinny man with gold teeth leered at Chopper through the bars of his cage.

Within an hour, more of the fur traders that lived in this underground base had appeared, going about their daily business and viewing their newest prizes. Apparently, the other man from before had mentioned the disembodied outburst from before, as the little doctor was soon to find out.

Another greasy-looking human finished tossing a slab of meat to a chained dog kept as a pet and walked over. His questioning frown morphed into one of shallow thoughtfulness.

He glared at them, wanting to show them the suffering they'd caused, but unable to do so due to his unexplainable weakness.

Finally, the second man nodded his head. "It's a tanuki."

"A tanuki?" the first looked confused, before giving Chopper another once-over. "Hm, yeah. I think it is."

"Do you think it'll fetch a good price?"

The reindeer listened to their conversation with growing unease and boiling frustration. He'd been through this so many times before. Yet, he kept his belongings hidden, stuffed behind a nearby box and stayed silent.

Gold teeth man frowned and scratched his dirty chin. "Nah. Tanuki are pretty common around here, this one will get the usual-"

"I'M. NOT. A. TANUKI!"

Both men must've leaped a good five feet in the air and nearly knocked some cages over on the way down. Their frightened gazes gradually rotated around the room before they landed on the "tanuki" glaring indignantly at them.

Their eyes bugged and their mouths dropped open.

"AGH! IT TALKED!"

Chopper scrambled back in surprise and attempted to hide. He was unsuccessful, but watched instead with distrustful eyes.

The fur traders were in the process of fumbling their words and understanding the situation when a shadow fell on the two and Chopper. They looked up to see a giant of a man looming over them.

If Chopper had thought the normal fur traders were scary, though rather stupid, they were nothing compared to this guy. He must've been a good deal over six feet, with a round belly, blonde beard, brown hair and beady eyes. However, the most disturbing part was how he was dressed; in a wide assortment of animal furs from his boots to the hat on his head.

Some of the skins even had the heads still attached to them and Chopper wasn't able to prevent his exclamation of terror.

"Ahh!"

Those dark eyes were suddenly trained on the doctor with a dangerous mixture of intensity and curiosity. When the burly man grinned, he knew it wasn't a good thing.

"An excellent price indeed." He tapped the bars experimentally, and the reindeer fought the urge to strike out.

"W-what do you mean, boss?" the other, less-intimidating men were finally recovering.

Boss? It made sense. This huge, smelly human definitely held a position of authority, though it wasn't friendly like some of the leaders Chopper had encountered, including Luffy.

Still smirking, the trader pointed at Chopper. "It's a reindeer."

For a second, he was surprised and stopped inching farther from the men. Chopper regarded them suspiciously. What did that have to do with anything?

Twin smiles sprang to the underlings.

"A reindeer!" gold teeth cheered.

"Really?" the bigger one asked.

"Yes, yes," their boss confirmed, a tad annoyed. But his own grin didn't wane. "It's quite rare to see one this far from a winter island and in such fine condition. Right, boys?"

"Yes, sir!"

Chopper felt a sense of dread coming over him and he sat down with a sigh. His situation was only getting worse and he could see no way out of this. If he could change to Heavy Point, then it would be different, but even if he could, the doctor's nature wouldn't let him abandon those in need. It would have to be a mass breakout.

He stared at the golden petals, clinging to what little moisture was left much like he was with hope. Maybe he should've just said he was a tanuki…

Meanwhile, the fur traders were holding an excited conversation, with the boss making speculations on the various prices his recent haul would bring. Their celebration and good fortune may have continued, too, if a tremendous tremor hadn't shaken the entire structure. Chopper was rocked to the side of his cage where he collided painfully with the steel.

The explosion continued to ring in his ears and the animals roared in terror, thrown about as well.

The men had tumbled to the ground, but were already on their feet.

"What's happening?" the stout one spoke fearfully.

"Hurry up, you scoundrels!" their boss shouted. "Let's see for ourselves!"

They stilled their trembling. "Yes sir!"

Hurriedly, the traders exited the room and their pace quickened to a run. More miniature explosions, yells and gunfire could be heard in the distance. Along with the fur-coated man's threat as he disappeared, "Whoever's intruding on my business is going to pay…"

Chopper didn't know what to think, though he was glad for any trouble the fur traders were given. He shouldered his backpack and resolved to wait it out. He just prayed that he wouldn't end up being collateral damage.

0~0~0

**Bam! Bang!**

** "**Rally men! It's about to get rowdy out here!"

**SHOOM!**

Another violent shudder passed through the earth and Chopper paused in the midst of calming the animals. He had continued to tell them they'd be safe, that everything was going to be fine, but he could tell his efforts would be useless if he didn't take any action.

If simply transforming with his ability wasn't going to work, he'd use his trump card and now the traders were occupied he could feel his strength beginning to return. Not so much as usual, but enough.

_Rumble!_

With Arm Point, Chopper's cage was reduced to a mess of quivering metal in moments. He made sure his bag was on his back before he started to open the crates and cages all around him.

Animals of every shape and size surrounded the reindeer as he busted the locks. He always kept an eye out for the old she-cat, but his eyes were unable to pick her form out from the others. Yet, he pushed on and Chopper had just broken the last of the locks, freeing a striped hare, when a voice dripping with menace broke through the chaos of the fleeing creatures.

A number of things had been knocked over by the rush of the excited escapees and now littered the floor and only increased the overall havoc. However, this didn't stop the giant leader from making his way towards Chopper.

"So, it's _you_," he intoned darkly. "I knew it all along."

Chopper really doubted this by the standard brain size of these people, but it didn't stop him from dropping the arm that had opened the final cage and taking a step back.

He fought against his fight or flight response. By his shaking it seemed, the former was winning, but he still had his Rumble Ball. Turning to Jump Point he prepared to fight the man, when he abruptly transformed back into Brain Point.

Staring at himself for a moment, Chopper soon realized that the effects of the Rumble Ball had worn off. His three minutes were up. Literally.

The fur trader had been startled by his sudden transformation, but had relaxed and smirked evilly when the reindeer reverted to his smaller form.

"Heh. So, it's a Devil's Fruit ability you've got there. Too bad it's no match for me."

He didn't leave Chopper hanging about what he meant. Surprisingly fast with such a large body, he withdrew a cutlass and charged with a bellow.

Chopper jumped into action and managed to slide to the side at the last second. Yet, the room shook again and he lost his balance, crashing into an empty crate. The breath was knocked out of his lungs and before he could recover, he felt someone grab him by his backpack and lift him into the air.

"Thought you could run away, eh?" the man sneered around his beard. Both the man and the reindeer glared at each other in parallel hatred. Fueled by anger, Chopper burst.

"Where's Lily?"

The she-cat had most likely saved his life, or tried her best and Chopper would never forgive himself if he didn't try to find out what happened to her. If the old cat hadn't hidden the doctor, he would probably be dead. He refused to believe it was her he'd seen earlier and now was as good a time as any.

Two heartbeats, one slow and steady and the other quick and fluttery, and eventually the boss chuckled. "So, you can talk!"

His grip on Chopper tightened. These fur traders were merciless.

"What have you done?" Chopper cried angrily. "Let me go!" He squirmed in the man's big hand, but his strength was fading again. Still, he kicked and tried to punch the trader.

That's when his struggles caused a small, bright object to fall and float to the ground. Chopper abruptly stopped moving against his captor. He didn't need to check his pocket to see the Dewdrop Lily was missing and now in the open.

While he stared at it, the bearded man paused amidst his glee and saw it as well. "What's this?"

From the glance he gave the precious flower, Chopper froze. His body went stiff and he tried to stop the man, "W-wait! Don't-!"

"Don't what?" the boss smirked. He waved his wrist in front of the doctor's nose and a wave of fatigue swept over him. Confused and unfocused, Chopper looked at his wrist to see a shiny silver band encircling it. "Karouseki. I bought it off the black market, heard Devil Fruit users don't like it much. You don't, do ya?"

Mockingly, he jingled it again and Chopper had to concentrate hard to stay alert. So, that was it. That was the cause of his bursts of weakness. He should've guessed.

In exaggerated motion, the fur trader's boot fell towards the lily and the reindeer opened his mouth in a silent scream. It covered the golden bell and pale green stem before the cruel man ground it even more with his fur boot.

It was one atrocity after another.

As the boot was lifted and the decimated lily looked up at Chopper, petals mangled beyond repair, he found strength to surpass the karouseki. Swiftly, Chopper twisted, kicked upward and brought forth his arm to punch the fur trader in the face with all his power.

More surprised than hurt; the man dropped Chopper and retreated for a second to nurse his bruised cheek.

"Why you little… you're pelt will catch a fine price when I'm through with you!" he spat out some blood and advanced.

Chopper had put on a show, but he was now outmatched with nothing but death awaiting him. A boom made the room sway again. Well, maybe that, but he couldn't wait for an imaginary rescuer.

He grabbed a stick that lay nearby and brandished it before him. He brushed away the air of despair that had hung over this place since he arrived. He would be brave, for himself, for his nakama, that now lacked an important medical asset, and for Lily, who had entrusted it to the reindeer.

Laughing wickedly, the boss fur trader brought out his cutlass once more and raised it high. Then, the blade came whistling down and… blood came flying from his open mouth.

_"… No Pistol!"_ A familiar voice yelled. The arm that had stretched and hit the man full on his ugly face snapped back in place.

Not believing his eyes, Chopper took his captain's offered hand and staggered to his feet.

"You've done enough, Chopper," he smiled kindly and touched his head.

A sense of safety infused the doctor, though it was dispelled some when he saw the fur trader clambering up.

Coughing feebly, he grabbed his cutlass. His eyes glared accusingly at the reindeer and his savior. "Damn kid, ruining my business…"

The sword aimed at the pair, but the bearded man wasn't given a chance to do or say any more.

_"Gomu gomu no… __**Bazooka!**__"_

The boy's arms shot forward and returned, while Chopper and his companion shielded their eyes to see the boss fur trader crash through the rocky roof of the storage and go sailing into the sky before vanishing from sight.

His roar of rage and humiliation went with him.

Then, the black-haired boy picked up Chopper and started to run at full sprint to the hole he'd made in one of the walls earlier.

Chopper looked at him with teary eyes; tears of happiness.

"L-Luffy!"

He held on to his hat, as he escaped from the place with his rescued crewmate and he grinned, "Don't worry, Chopper! Everything's going to be all right!"

_Yes._

In his captain's arms, Chopper finally felt safe and that he wasn't so easily scared. He could help his nakama and fight in the way he did best, with his heart and determination.

He knew that Luffy's words were true; it would be all right.

0~0~0

**Alternate Ending:**

Chopper stared at Luffy in absolute awe. The fur traders had been defeated and the animals were saved. Lucky as always, things had worked out their way. And just when the reindeer had given up any notion of aid.

Though, one question was nagging at the back of his mind.

"Luffy? How were you able to hit that man when he was wearing karouseki?"

"Huh?" the black-haired boy looked up from dusting off his hat. "He had that stuff."

He nodded. "Yeah, it was really condensed and drained a lot of my strength."

It was a little embarrassing to admit the weakness that he'd felt, but Chopper pushed it aside since, as a Devil Fruit user himself, Luffy could also fall victim to it. The doctor waited patiently until the boy replied.

"Oh!" His face brightened and he stuck his hand in his pants pocket. He showed Chopper something. "You mean this?"

The object was small, shiny and… the same bracelet the fur trader had been wearing.

"Wah!" Chopper's eyes widened impossibly. "H-how did you get that?"

Luffy smiled and answered simply, "I thought it looked cool."

Then, to the reindeer's disbelief the rubbery captain slipped the sea stone garment over his own hand. He held it out proudly. There it dangled and Chopper waved his hooves frantically.

"Wait, Luffy! You shouldn't-"

He hesitated when he saw Luffy's blank face. Strangely, the boy stood there.

Yet, before Chopper's could venture a question, the captain groaned. Promptly, Luffy collapsed on the floor with a drained expression.

"Luffy!" Chopper raced to the boy.

Glancing at the reindeer, he groaned. "I don't feel so good…"

With one look at the karouseki bracelet on Luffy's wrist, Chopper was stunned into silence until perusing.

"YOU'RE THAT SLOW?"

0~0~0

**Author's Note:** Chopper-kun couldn't wait any longer! So surprise! I got this up in less than a week after Sanji's! About the short, it was the karouseki that made Chopper so easy to capture. But, if it was on the boss, how did he feel its affects in a sack or when he wasn't around? Well, there were traces of sea stone in lots of the fur traders' supplies. Some by accident, picking up by trading and a small amount purchased by the boss, who I don't think deserved, a name. I didn't think this was important enough to include in the actual story, so I'll just mention it here. ^^

About the alternate ending, a spur-of-the-moment scenario I thought up and couldn't resist inserting. However, I couldn't let it replace the sweet and simple first one. I'm two-thirds the way through now! Which means another secret project story is coming to pave the way for the next short about Robin. In which the archaeologist learns the disadvantages of having extra limbs. Reviews are appreciated and thanks for reading!


	7. Too Many Limbs

**Disclaimer: **Bi-rlup! Bi-rlup! Hello? Ah, Robin isn't in today as she's searching for the true history. Until then, please leave a message and she'll get back to you as soon as possible.

_Nico Robin in…_

**Too Many Limbs**

_Ding-a-ling! Ding-a-ling!_ A small, silver bell sounded above the door as a tall, dark-haired woman entered the tiny shop; an aura of beauty and mystery encasing her while quick eyes scanned its contents.

She'd heard about the obscure shop by asking the locals various questions as she usually did.

Apparently, the owner was incredibly eccentric, with vast collections of knowledge and constant murmurings of conspiracies. He was simply what they called a quack, despite his worldliness. So, with this discouraging information, why did the archaeologist want to visit this store? She couldn't pass up any possible leads to the Void History and the contemporary bookstores downtown were decidedly unhelpful. Though, the medical section might interest their furry doctor.

As the woman walked deeper into the cramped room, her high heels making hardly a sound on the wood floor, her interest was aroused.

The inside of the shop had an air of a pack rat and the many things he had collected. Just by glancing at the bookcases filled with volumes, scrolls and even inscribed stones was enough for her to see that this person hadn't thrown anything away, from the dustiest recesses to the shiniest baubles. Yet, he seemed to have an excellent eye for priceless artifacts that could be predetermined as useless junk by the average collector.

Forms of writing weren't the only objects inside, and while she glided between shelves, a glass case made her pause momentarily. Her blue eyes were reflected in its depths and she brought a hand up to briefly touch and trace the contours of a skull, one with horns, fangs and a jagged hole in the back; a dragon's skull. Beside it, was a curious crystal sphere, a book the size of her fingernail and a velvet drawstring bag that had the appearance of breathing.

She probably would've been entranced by these for a while longer and had commenced reading a plaque underneath, when a thump and bitter mumble made her look up and turn towards the noise.

Within moments, the woman made her way through piles of haphazardly stacked items, priceless mind you, only to see a tiny specimen of a man standing on a tall, rickety ladder.

He was leaning far to the right with a large book in hand and the muscles in his back were straining. On tiptoes, he looked like he would topple over any moment and at the slightest touch.

"Would you like some help?" she asked

"Eh?"

The little man started and his head whipped around when to see the strange woman. Yet, in the process, he swayed dangerously and the ladder groaned before giving away altogether so he plummeted toward the floor.

"Ack!"

His eyes were shut tight in anticipation of the pain, but it never came in the tumultuous clamor that followed.

Upon seeing the man fall, she summoned a net of arms to catch him. She watched as he opened his eyes and clambered to his feet, dusting off his trousers, seeming to have not noticed the anomaly before. The arms had already vanished.

While he adjusted his spectacles, the woman saw fit to offer her apologies, though her calm demeanor remained unchanged.

"Are you okay? I didn't mean to frighten you."

A book fell from his hands and he seemed to realize he wasn't alone. Yet, his surprise quickly lapsed into a wrinkled smile. "I'm fine, fine. If you hadn't caught me miss… miss…?"

He blinked, as if recalling his manners and ashamed that he hadn't asked this young lady her name earlier.

"Robin. Nico Robin." A bemused smile crept to her face. What a funny man he was.

Relieved, he exclaimed, "Ah! Miss Robin! Without you, I would be in a very sorry condition indeed!" He rolled back the sleeves of his oversized robes and stuck his hand out. "Excuse my forgetfulness, you can call me Del." Robin took his hand; grateful this man didn't harbor resentment for her being the cause for his fall in the first place.

Del rubbed his hands together and turned in a slow circle. His smile faded as he surveyed the damage. Heaps of books had been shook from their precarious positions and looked almost sorrowful in their plight. It was only good fortune that none of the more fragile pieces had been victimized.

Frowning, he bent over to retrieve the volume he'd dropped. The same one that he'd been trying to put away when the archaeologist walked in.

It wouldn't make much of a difference cleaning up this mess however and the dark-haired woman deigned to be of use.

She crossed her arms. "Let me."

While the old man was still reaching for the book, a hand bloomed from the hardwood floor. He didn't make a sound, but his expression said it all as the limb took hold of the book and tossed it. Another hand appeared on the top shelf and deftly grasped the cover. Within moments, the book had been transported and fit snugly between two of its brothers on the shelf.

"T-that w-was…" Resigning herself to the usual fear, Robin waited. "… Amazing!"

This man seemed to get over shock very swiftly and an excited grin was firmly in place. "I haven't met a real Devil Fruit user for… a good twenty years!"

Del began to scurry about, gathering up books and loose paper in his scrawny arms. He started clearing away odds and ends so two overstuffed arm chairs were eventually revealed, having previously been completely covered with journals.

"Come! Come!" he gestured for Robin to sit as he cleaned and searched for a place to put his stuff.

But, the archaeologist wasn't ready to settle down yet. "Are you this store's owner?"

He glanced at her. "Oh, yes, yes! Owned this place for, what was it? Forty years? Forty-five? Something like that."

"Hm…" Robin gave in to the man's hospitality and took a seat. "That's very impressive."

That pleased him; it was obvious as his eyes lit up. "You think so? Well I-"

"Would you like some help tidying up?" she offered with a patient smile.

She addressed it in a way he couldn't refuse. After all, she was responsible for some of this mess, though the confines of the room with its clutter already a nightmare before.

For several hours, Robin worked alongside Del, making the shop a little easier on the eyes and significantly easier to navigate. It would be more right to say, she made sure the elderly man did as little as possible due to his evident frailness, as she used her ability to make better progress. Del wouldn't miss the chance to see arms working steadily with no attachment to a body and, after a while, stopped protesting having his "honored guest" work so hard.

Instead, he scribbled notes in a leather journal and was content to answer any questions Robin had for him or his antiques. However, Robin didn't miss the occasional times when the corners of his mouth would draw down in a frown and his shoulders would tense.

It seemed the shop owner did have a limit and it showed itself sooner than she would have liked.

Robin reclined in one of the chairs after they had finished cleaning up the mess and improving the shop's claustrophobic atmosphere. The air was still cloying and thicker than usual, but the knowledge she was privy to now was enough to distract her from such downfalls.

Not long ago, Del had disappeared into a back room, bidding her to wait and he would make some tea and coffee. As soon as his cheery whistle had faded, Robin had begun to wonder more about who this man was. It was strange to see a shop like this nowadays and filled with eccentricities disapproved of by the general public. She would think Del wouldn't have survived on whatever meager earnings he probably got for his wondrous items.

Then again, this peculiarity took a backseat as Robin resolved to ask the question that had been nagging her all this while.

"Here we go!" Del trotted in with a tray and set it down on a table. "One cube or two?"

"What?" Robin glanced up from her reading and saw him looking at her expectantly. "Oh, none please. Thank you."

She graciously accepted her coffee and sat back until the old man finished fixing his tea. After letting the hot drink cool a little, she took a sip. The rich flavor calmed her with its familiarity and she was reassured where she'd been uneasy earlier.

Del appeared relaxed as well and Robin chose to push forward.

"This is quite a compilation of information you have, Del-san. The quality of your collection is just as remarkable." The flattery wasn't meant to be over the top, as Robin meant to go about this in a subtle way, but the old man chuckled in delight.

"It's nothing, though it wasn't a simple task finding most of my items, Miss Robin. "

Robin nodded and cupped the coffee in her hands. "Yes… but much of the history they preserve is very obscure. For instance…" She held up the thin book she'd been reading. It detailed an expedition in the New World to uncover the cause behind an entire island's destruction under unexplainable circumstances. "… You wouldn't find this anywhere, would you?"

The laughter died on Del's lips. "But, of course you already know that," he murmured. Quietly, the archaeologist observed the sudden wariness around the shopkeeper. She would have to approach this carefully.

"You wouldn't happen to have anything concerning the Poneglyphs or the Void History, perhaps?"

Abruptly, he choked on his scalding tea and the next few moments were uninterrupted except for his coughing. Finally, he held his hand to his chest, took a deep breath and put his mug down.

"It's time for you to go."

That unexpected declaration made Robin glance sharply at the man. Del was shaky, his face no longer smiling and deathly pale. If she hadn't known better, she would have guessed he was incredibly ill.

Her desire to know more kept her from moving but stopped the words on her tongue.

Gripping the arms of the chair, the old man looked down at the ground. "You have to go. Now. Please," he repeated, a desperate note creeping into his voice.

Though she didn't understand the situation yet, Robin complied.

"I'll leave. Thank you for your kindness, Del-san."

With a polite bow of her head and an equally distant smile, she gracefully rose and left the shop with more questions then when she'd arrived.

Soon after the door closed behind the woman and the bells quieted, Del moved. He eased up on his grip on the chair, though his fingers continued to clench and unclench. His breathing was rattling even as he tried to calm himself.

Del's eyes roved the room then suddenly halted on a wanted poster on his desk. A familiar pair of cool blue eyes framed by pitch- black hair stared back at the small man.

He waited a little longer, then, with his heart in his throat, reached for a Den Den Mushi. "I'm sorry, Miss Nico Robin."

0~0~0

Darkness had fallen, dense and menacing in its completeness. However, Robin did not fear it. She welcomed it with open arms like she would an old acquaintance. That it was, as she'd lived in a world of darkness for so long before she met Luffy and the others that she was immune to its effects.

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

Her footsteps fell on the cobbled stone streets without hurry, in the same manner she would use when she took an evening walk. This went on without pause during which Robin was deep in thought.

She had been close. So very close to a breakthrough, she knew the old man had known something, but the terror written on his features had caused her to waver. In the resolve that was usually so steely, because she'd seen that terror, but reflected on her own. A mingling of confused emotions had muddled her judgment… and it would do so again.

So absorbed was Robin with her thoughts that she neglected to hear the second set of footsteps that had since joined hers.

_Tap. Tap._ Robin tensed, but continued walking at the same pace. Then she suddenly stopped. _Tap. T-._ The phantom person halted as well. She resumed along her path.

_Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap! Crack!_

Abruptly, the sound increased and the woman sped up, urged on not by fear, but by instinct. Her follower began to run. Robin reached a crossroads. Left or right, where should she go? Then she saw a smaller road far to the side, nearly hidden. She swiftly veered and sprinted down the street.

The pursuer was hot on her heels, their feet pounding almost as loud as her heart, which didn't seem to possess quite the calm assurance Robin's mind did. Finally, she slowed and came to a complete stop. There was the skid of stones as the other person noticed.

It wasn't a dead end and there was nothing to prevent the archaeologist from fleeing further. But, still, she stood unmoving, her back to place from where she'd come.

"Given up already?" the unnamed man spoke with a smirk. There was a series of shuffling, barely heard and infused with practiced stealth. Robin kept her eyes trained on the ground beneath her feet, refusing to look up even as dark figures surrounded her.

Yet, the voices piqued her interest.

"Is that her?" young, probably a new recruit wondered nervously.

His comrades hushed him, but whispered among themselves anyway. "I think so… the one that sunk all those ships…"

"What a scary person…"

One voice rose above and silenced the rest. It held an air of command and Robin's head jerked slightly. She despised the way he spoke and she stiffened.

"You…" There was a pause more disturbing than his tone. "The Demon of Ohara. Your under arrest by order of the World Government unit Cipher Pol. 8."

Smiling, Robin turned around to face a slim man dressed in black from head to toe like the others. Only his eyes were visible, a white sash across his chest and a katana on his hip.

"Is it routine for assassination squads of the World Government to announce their name?" she inquired.

The man caught her implication and gripped the hilt of his sword.

He growled, "Your in no position to be acting cocky!" His furious gaze swept to one of his men while also staying on the woman. "Report!" he barked.

"Yes sir!" A baby Den Den Mushi was retrieved from a bag around the man's waist. There was a crackle of static before it connected, "Sir! Of the two Devil Fruit users, we have found Nico Robin!"

Still fingering his katana, the leader snapped, "Permission to execute."

Hurriedly, the message was relayed in the form of a question. Robin clearly heard the reply, _"Permission granted."_

For the first time as the assassins strung their longbows, aimed their crossbows and primed their daggers, she took in her situation. Murky figures only distinguishable by their offensive positions were firmly footed on all sides; on the ground and perched on the roofs. Above, moonlight pierced the shadows and reflected the glint of metal. Robin would see her death coming.

Closing her eyes and taking a calming breath, she raised her arms. The commanding chief of the operation saw her move and recognized the position from the files. Drawing his sword, he thrust in the air and shouted.

"FIRE!"

It was at the moment that coincided with another turn of events.

"Stop!" Robin's eyes shot open to see a small form rushing between her and her attackers.

A very familiar one clutching his bathrobe close to him and wearing fuzzy slippers while he panted and wheezed.

"Del-san! Wait!"

His face grew horrified as realization struck, but it was too late. Glittering teeth borne on wings of air shot toward them and Robin reacted.

Though she moved swiftly, merely a blur, to cover the short distance, she only had time to protect. Her body shielded the old man as she murmured words.

"_Cien Fleur."_

Waves of arms appeared and stretched out to cover Robin and Del from the vicious onslaught. She was able to knock several enemies out with the grasping hands, seeking retribution.

Retribution for the blood that was drawn as numerous arrows and knives struck her. Robin bit back a cry of the pain that was multiplied tenfold by just standing there, holding her stance.

Finally, she could hold her power no longer and collapsed to the ground next to the man she'd saved, her strength sapped and limbs leaden with exhaustion. Red coated her arms and Robin hoped the panicked shouts and enraged cries that were getting farther away weren't because of her injuries.

0~0~0

"Miss Robin? Miss Robin!" Her vision swam so Del's face appeared like it would in funhouse mirrors, but she pushed forward anyways. She got to her knees with the clear intention to continue their escape.

Del saw this and protested, "Your arms!"

Robin's gaze flicked to the blood streaming down her skin and soaking into the dirt, and smiled.

"Thank you. I'll be okay."

The old man looked ready to stop Robin from standing when he sighed and shook his grey hair out of his eyes.

"I owe you," Del replied and stayed by the woman's side anxiously. "I could only bring you a little further away from them."

She gasped from the pain from her arms and leaned against the wall they crouched behind. Her companion hurried over and draped her arm over his shoulder.

"They're still looking for us."

A little color returned to Robin's cheeks. "Then we'd better keep going."

As best they could with her injuries and Del's wheezing breaths, the two targets of Cipher Pol. 8 fled through the night. The twists and turns looked all the same to Robin, but she trusted Del, even if his actions earlier were suspicious and he was a stranger. Sometimes Robin just knew when to trust her gut and this was one of them while she let the man lead her through the town's streets.

They must have backtracked and taken misleading cuts to confuse the assassins because they eventually arrived back at Del's shop. Robin allowed him to bring her to the building, but warily. Her would-be-killers would be watching this place, as they had probably tracked her from here before she was surrounded.

But the weary archaeologist's misgivings on this decision were relieved when Del brought her around the back. He paused at a wall, blank, with no door and gently sat Robin against the stone.

He appraised the ground and scuffed it with his slippered feet, muttering, "Where did I put it? It must be around here somewhere… maybe… aha!"

With an exalted grin, Del bent down, cleared away the remaining dust and revealed a metal hatch buried in the dirt. Curious, Robin turned to see the anomaly and waited until the shopkeeper unlatched it. An entrance opened with steps leading down into the earth.

Brushing his hands off, he moved back and walked to Robin. He glanced back at the secret back way with palpable pleasure.

"Good, good. I thought I'd lost it." Del extended his hand, except the woman was already standing and also smiling.

"Ready to go, Del-san?"

"Yes, yes!" he cried and shooed her over before supporting her weight again. "We've got a lot to do before they find us!"

And so they dived beneath the world, the hatch easing shut behind them.

0~0~0

While Del secured a lock on the door at the bottom of the staircase, Robin took a seat in a simple wooden chair next to a simple wooden table and observed.

It was a secret basement that much was certain, and it had been made with considerable effort and care. The walls were a mixture of ground stone and packed soil creating a room spacious enough for three or four people and belongings. This was particular interesting because the elderly shop owner didn't seem to live with anyone else, so why would he need so much space?

There was also a collection of sophisticated instruments on the table and more artifacts in crates around the room; another peculiarity that Robin intended to find out.

Finished locking up best he could, Del approached the archaeologist. He paused for a moment and looked at her wounds. "I'm glad you're resting, we're going to have to fix that up."

Robin was appreciative, but had to decline. Her own health wasn't a priority for her at the time.

"No. I insist," he argued, suddenly becoming serious. Though it was hard to look serious when you were dressed in your bathrobe and fuzzy slippers. "Don't worry, I've studied medicine a bit. "

He gathered up a bag beneath the table that appeared very similar to the one Chopper used aboard the _Thousand Sunny_, set it next to the woman's head and scanned its contents. Carefully, he selected a pair of surgical tweezers, rubbing alcohol, cotton balls, and gauze.

"May I?" Del glanced pointedly at her arms.

Relenting, Robin raised one arm for him to examine. He took it gingerly, his discomfort as plain as Robin's. Even the slightest pressure brought the cuts and punctures to burn. Yet, the man stopped his trembling and got to work.

Alcohol was swabbed onto the deepest gashes with the cotton to begin, and Del commenced talking, possibly hoping to distract her from the pain. Robin was used to getting hurt, in more ways then one, but listened eagerly.

"I know what I'm doing, at least enough to get things done," Del stated vaguely, his tone detached. Robin wasn't sure if he was talking about his doctoring skills or his profession in general. She didn't speak and he continued.

"But, I've made my share of mistakes and… I'm sorry."

His guilty eyes rose from his task as if to confirm the woman's reaction. There was none, even as Del confessed, "I'm sorry, Miss Robin. I notified those men that you were here. It's my entire fault, and you got hurt because of it… I'm a terrible person…"

Del's choked words grew to broken sobs and snapped her out of her daze. She met his watery gaze and for the second time saw the hopelessness that was so familiar and so common in people these days.

"No. You're not."

Not believing his ears, Del glanced at the dark-haired woman. "Eh?"

She didn't take her eyes from the man's while she asked.

"Who did they take from you?"

Their heartbeats had gotten abruptly louder, but the implications of Robin's question drove deeper.

Neither person had to clarify who "they" was. It was the same ruling body that protected people for false reasons, and persecuted others unjustly, using them and then tossing them away like a torn doll.

Robin noticed this in Del now more than ever before.

He bowed his head from the pain and his hands stopped in the methodical motion of cleaning her injuries.

"My grandson."

His words were so soft Robin could barely hear him even though she was nearby. Yet, it also confirmed her guess that there was something more to the small man, something heavier.

"I was one of the top researchers for the World Government," Del confessed. "I was paid to look for and record history as accurate and… sided with them, of course. Eventually, I discovered the truth in my searching. It was bound to happen and I supposedly retired from that job, but really, I just couldn't work there anymore."

For a while, Robin had chosen to listen silently, yet she spoke up now. "So, that's how you know about the true history?"

Del smiled sheepishly and his regret was evident. "Hai. I shouldn't be surprised a bright young lady like you figured that out. I learned bits here and there from the traces the government had left behind. When I left, they had no idea about what I knew, but they found out. They always do." He chuckled bitterly. "It's barely been four years since they seeked me out and demanded I keep the information I know under lock and key or I would be tried for treason. However, that's no guarantee is it? That's when they took my grandson, just eight years old, and assured me he would be safe… if I didn't spill anything."

"I'm sorry."

"Ah! Don't fret about me, Miss Robin! I've been talking too much. Let's see how your arms are doing."

They both looked down at the wounds as Del continued to clean them. "They're not life threatening," he reassured her. "Though you've lost enough blood to make movement dangerous… I have a question if you don't mind. Am I right to guess that the damage you take on your extra limbs is all concentrated into your original ones when your use ends?"

The thought had occurred to Robin. "I believe so."

"Hmm… eh? What's this?"

Suddenly, Del's brow creased and the archaeologist glanced at what was wrong. She saw it immediately. He methodically removed his tweezers from a puncture wound, smaller than the rest and Robin winced ever so slightly, more from the sight of a thin metal needle than the pain.

The old man began to look for similar holes and within minutes had a small pile of metal bits on the medical tray.

"Interesting," Robin complimented him on his skills, impressed.

However, Del didn't seem to agree with her. "I don't know what it is, but think I got all of it out." He whipped out the bandages and wrapped them around her arms. After he tied the knot, Robin rolled down her sleeves to cover the patchwork and stood.

She smiled at the man as he put his things away. He didn't see the good side of himself at all; just the sides that worked to keep secrets and would easily betray someone else. Yet, Robin guessed it hadn't been easy, even with a complete stranger he was kind.

A series of thumps and other noise above ground caused loose dirt to spill down. Robin's gaze went to the ceiling. Would it hold if Cipher Pol. 8 tried to break their way in? And, if it did, had they insured their capture by trapping themselves in this room? She glanced at Del.

He was in a frenzy. One moment, he was pacing around the room and the next he dove into the pile of belongings in one corner and dug around like a crazed mole. Stifling a laugh, the dark-haired woman quietly waited and kept an ear out for the situation above. She didn't dare grow another ear or eye, however, because, though she hadn't told the old man, she felt a little shaky and weaker than usual. Not the feeling from when she got near sea stone, but the kind when she'd been drugged…

"Huff!" Del's head popped over a bag of clothing and his arms bore two backpacks among other things. He struggled back to the table and began to pack supplies. First aid kit, preserved fruits and meat, water canteen, extra coat, blanket, matches, and, after momentary hesitation, a baby Den Den Mushi.

Robin walked to his side. "What are you doing?"

He gave her an incredulous look, as if he couldn't believe she was asking a stupid question, but she stared back coolly.

"We're getting you out of here, that's what we're doing!" Del grunted and shoved stuff in faster as more soil fell from above.

"There's two bags," Robin pointed out.

It was Del's turn to be the stupid one. He sighed, "I'm coming with you."

The archaeologist shook her head. "You've done enough for me, Del-san. I don't want to get you into any more danger."

"That's not what I mean," he argued, frustration plain on his expressive face. "I can't stay here anymore, they've already branded me as a traitor." He turned away from Robin. "… If I'm lucky, I can get to my grandson before they do."

Robin merely nodded. She couldn't stop Del from trying to get back what he lost and dying would do that dream no good. She was afraid to hope that this desperate action would succeed, and didn't think it would come to a close without bloodshed, but she hoped anyway.

"Anyways," Del sniffed. "We have to hurry."

He faced a small stack of books to his right and tucked several into one of the bags. One of the books he held in his gnarled hands and stared at. He didn't put this one inside. Instead, he reached out and put it in Robin's startled hands.

"Here. I came across only parts of the Void History during most of my time as a researcher. But _this_…" he gestured to the frayed book. "… This had some excellent, if encrypted, clues to the Rio Poneglyph."

Robin looked down at the small volume she held with a new and utter fascination. Her thirst for knowledge was awakened instantly. It could be priceless information and, in this bizarre twist of fate, the historian actually discovered it was within her grasp.

"You can't return it. I'm giving it to you as a gift," Del tried to be gruff and nonplus, but failed miserably. His grin said he was delighted with Robin's reaction. "I couldn't read the language there, but you might have more luck with it than I did."

Still at a loss for words and smiling at the cunning old man who definitely knew more than he hinted at, Robin dipped her head gratefully.

Del wagged a finger and shouldered his pack as she did likewise, sliding her new book into the smaller pocket. "Don't thank me yet, we still have a long way to go!"

He tossed her a nondescript cloak to wear and donned was as well. Swiftly, they ducked through the back entrance and ran. Then, a fiery explosion obscured their path and sight.

0~0~0

Out of pure instinct, Robin swung herself and Del to the side and ducked. Pieces of burning wood and glass shrapnel flew through the air right where their heads had been a second before. She watched the smoke intensely for the culprits. When none appeared she got up and helped Del. He was coughing relentlessly, the combination of stinging heat and ash-laden smoke hell on his lungs that had seen better days.

But, he coughed one last time and determinedly pushed forward with the archaeologist beside him. They didn't say a word until they escaped the worst of inferno and only then did Del gasp.

His shop and home, or what was left of it, had been transformed into fifteen feet of roaring flames, dancing eerily in the brightening night. The continuous crackle and popping as the wood and stone relented reminded Robin of another night, many years ago and different, but for one reason they were the same.

_Leave nothing, not a trace, not a soul, behind to tell the truth._

The World Government had destroyed both their lives with that statement and the symbolic flame. Robin touched Del's shoulder gently and guided him away from his old home.

And, perhaps, out of her normal way of doing things, she would have extended more than a touch of empathy. That is, if the ones responsible hadn't appeared before them.

0~0~0

"Delshigo Gigoku?" a skeptical voice called from behind the black fabric that cloaked must of his body. "Ha! You've got to be joking me! This geezer can't still be alive!"

"Couldn't? Or wouldn't?" another, familiar one questioned. A white sash was highlighted by the fire and smoke behind them. "Such a man simply refuses to die."

Robin's skin crawled as she recognized the leader of the assassination squad. Del glared at the first man as if he'd personally insulted him.

"I don't go by that name anymore," he growled. "And _you_…" Del tried to step towards the head of Cipher Pol. 8, but tripped and Robin supported him as he leaned heavily. He gave her a tiny smile, but shook her off. This was his issue. "Where did you hide Niko?"

The white-sash man seemed confused before his eyes sparked with recognition. "Oh! You mean that little, red-haired brat?" What part of his face that was visible took on a sly cast. "He should be fine… when he gets out of his punishment for misbehaving."

"Why you dirty, piece of backwater trash-!" Del lunged at the man, but one of his comrades slid between them and in an instant he was on the ground, unmoving. The dark clothed man lowered the hand he'd used to hit Del with and lifted his head to his superior, who faced another member of the assassins.

"Tell them we've located and aim to kill the second Devil Fruit user!"

In the midst of this trouble, Robin had rushed to Del's side and was insuring he was still breathing when she heard the command. The meaning was conveyed with an acknowledging shiver. She twitched in surprise and glanced down at the unconscious shopkeeper. Could he really be…?

Her physical reaction had been noted by the tall man, "It seems you didn't know the true identity of your ally, Nico Robin."

It could've been the smirk in his voice, Del's secret or her own bitterness at the World Government, yet either way, one or all of them set off the usually levelheaded archaeologist.

She raised her bandaged arms.

The assassins braced themselves, ready to aim their weapons, but their leader held up a hand to stop them. Robin saw the peculiar action.

_What are you plotting?_ She wondered, but it hardly mattered. After they were paralyzed, she could get some answers.

"_Veinte Fleur."_

Arms appeared from behind the assassins and they reached for their bows. Their panic was quickly wiped away though, when those arms sprouted on the ground as well and started to tangle and grasp at each other… and at her. Robin's eyes widened and she concentrated harder. Her powers didn't want to cooperate no matter how she tried. Abruptly, they have out altogether and she fell to her knees, panting from the effort.

An eerie chuckle sounded in her ears. "How'd you like that, Nico Robin? It's a new drug invented in our labs to make a Devil Fruit user's powers useless by turning them against you." The leader's voice was close, too close. "That's what happens when you mess with the Devil!"

_Swish!_

Crying out, Robin clutched her side where a gash spilled blood over her hands. She gazed up at the unforgiveable man standing above her. He sheathed his katana and Robin thought she could see a real demon in his single-minded purpose.

To rid the world of people like her, and Del. Yet, they seemed to have forgotten something important.

BOOM!

They didn't rule the will of the world or the heart of the fire they created.

Despite her injuries, Robin used the second explosion to the best of her advantage. She grabbed Del, who was just coming to and stumbled as far away as she could while Cipher Pol. 8 tried to control the chaos they'd unwittingly created.

Partially hidden behind a dilapidated shed, they tried to recuperate.

Del was in no condition to speak, as the assassin had stabbed a dagger in his left thigh in a split moment after he slapped him, but he did so anyways. Because he wasn't merely stupid when it came to these things, he was stupid _and_ stubborn. Robin smiled at how well he and Luffy would get along.

"I-I'm sorry," he spluttered as he fought for breath. "I-I should've told you about me… about how they wanted my head too-"

Robin had put his head in her lap and now placed a finger over his lips.

"That's enough. You're hurt."

"But-"

A sharp glance from the woman effectively shut him up. Yet now Robin had finally regained her breath, she needed to decide what to do next. The cut in her side caused her agony, but she'd stopped the bleeding some for there and for Del's wound with the bandages he'd packed.

For now, she glanced at the old man, even more mysterious than he'd been earlier and aged by far. "I do have a question. What kind of Devil Fruit power do you have?"

He cracked an eye open and managed a weak smile.

"You're a curious one, even after all that." He sighed. "It's been so long. I never use it anymore. I think it was the… Sumi Sumi no Mi. Yeah, that was it."

"Very appropriate for someone like you."

She had a hard time imagining Del with a Devil's Fruit ability, but if he had any it would be one that he might be the only one to find use for.

"Hai. I thought so too and I need to- hey! Where're you going?"

When he'd been busy talking, Robin had stood again and was starting to walk away. She glanced back to see Del attempting to sit and she summoned a hand to push him back down. "I'm going to stop them."

The man froze and didn't say anything before his muscles suddenly relaxed and he didn't try to get up again.

"I see, I can't argue with that face." Del gazed at Robin with teary eyes. "You're also a tough one… guddoraku, Miss Robin."

A smile graced her lips and then she was gone, knowing she had no need for a reply. She would be back and Del would be waiting for her.

0~0~0

Cipher Pol. 8 had gotten the fire under control and was about to commence their search for the missing captives when a shadow slipped away and approached them. At first, they could not recognize the menacing figure, but then she showed herself.

"_You!_" the white sash leader accused venomously. "You planned this all out from the beginning! You devil!"

He drew his glittering sword and charged, when there was a sharp crack. The weeping sword fell from its owner's grasp and blood splattered the ground. His curses died in the wind with the last breath driven from his lifeless body.

With their commander gone, the squad was in disarray, but they were trained and considered one of the best at what they did. So, when the woman crossed her arms the men raised their bows and took aim.

"_Veinte Fleur."_

Same attack, same position, you would think they would be able to predict how to avoid it, but her movement was so swift the eye could not follow it as numerous arms sprouted from their shoulders. Necks broke one by one and their faithful weapons could do nothing.

Just like she could do nothing when her home was obliterated besides flee. As an honor to that memory, that would never happen again.

0~0~0

Sunshine streamed into the harbor, bringing fresh light to everything and helping the events of the night to fade with the darkness. Nico Robin relaxed at the dock with an open book, already taken with the secrets that seeped out from the written words. She would've stayed that way much longer, if she hadn't heard footsteps approaching her.

The limping gait gave him away, yet if that hadn't; his constant humming would have done the same.

"Oi! Miss Robin!" Del waved like she hadn't spotted him.

She closed her book with a hopeless sigh. He was too energetic for his own good and he seemed to always forget he was injured.

Del tripped over a rope as he walked toward Robin, and, laden with a large box was unable to stop his fall.

"Ahh! Uf!" Robin's powers rescued him just in time and he smoothed out his ruffled appearance. He used his cane to get the rest of the way and smiled. "Thank you, Robin. You saved my life, yet again."

She slid a bookmark between the pages and faced him. "Not a problem."

"So… umm. I was wondering…" Del shifted the box underneath his free arm. "How did you fight them with those drugs affecting you?"

Robin gave him a sideways glance. "I didn't"

He frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I mean they weren't affecting me anymore."

"Oh, that makes sense…"

Suddenly, their pleasant conversation was interrupted by a very loud, familiar voice from a lion-headed ship, "ROBIN! LET'S GO!"

She waved to show her rubbery captain that she'd heard him.

"Look's like you have to go," Del remarked.

"Yes, same with you."

They looked towards the merchant ship anchored in the harbor that would be setting off that morning. Apparently, Del had originally planned to take his old sailing boat to go out to sea, which was little more than a dinghy, but he'd had to rethink that idea with his leg injury and the distance.

Robin addressed the little man with a heartfelt wish, "I hope you find your grandson, Del-san."

He laughed, the joyous sound reaching to the sky.

"I know I will! Niko's out there waiting for me and I'll get there if my life depends on it." Del paused, then smiled deviously. "Also, I picked up on a transmission from their Den Den Mushi mentioning where he was."

She smiled and held out a hand. "Arigato, Del-san."

Del reached to take her hand, but pulled her into a hug instead. Robin was surprised, yet returned it gratefully. "Now, none of that!" Del cried. "We can't have any of that!"

They departed after that and the dark-haired woman boarded the _Thousand Sunny_. Waves slapped against the ship's sides and Robin was content, this was how the world ought to be, with happy endings and reunited families.

She was at the prow of the ship when she heard a loud peal accompanied with a boisterous voice.

"MISS ROBIN! ARIGATO!" Del shouted from the dock as the Sunny headed out of the harbor. Robin could still see the joyful tears streaming down his face when he disappeared into the distance and couldn't help laughing herself.

Some things, and some people, never changed and she was glad for that as she gazed out at the miles of ocean ahead.

0~0~0

**Author's Note:** Wah! I'm so sorry! This took _weeks_ to get up! I had quite some trouble getting Robin into a bizarre scenario because she the kind of person who wouldn't get into one, no? Otherwise, I really have no excuse. T.T

Realization: It recently dawned on me that I've known One Piece existed for barely a year and have loved it for even less of one. Kind of funny, considering I'm already writing fan fiction AND doing fan art, which btw, I'll post links to if you're interested. ;) Anyways, the next victim is supah Franky mixed with spontaneous dancing, hilarity and no cola? Stay tuned!

Japanese lesson: Arigato- Thank you

Suki Suki no Mi- Ink Ink Fruit (he can manipulate ink and make ink pictures come to life)

Guddoraku- Good luck


	8. Dancing Cola

**Disclaimer: **This SUPAH disclaimer is hereby Franky approved!

_Franky in…_

**Dancing Cola**

"Oi, Franky! Didn't you once say that your cola was the water of life?"

Wiping the sweat from his brow, Franky looked up from his bottle of ice- cold cola. He'd been working the entire day, doing odd jobs, fixing parts of the _Thousand Sunny_ and tinkering with another one of his numerous projects. The busy shipwright had decided he could afford a well-deserved break, and was enjoying it. Until, he heard the cook's familiar smooth voice and the surprising question.

It wasn't unwelcome, but he didn't expect company from anyone other than Usopp while he was hard at work either.

Franky downed the rest of his drink and frowned a little at his crewmate. "Yeah?" he offered, bewilderment plain on his face.

"Well…" Sanji glanced at the ground and lit another cigarette before facing him again. "Your 'water of life' just ran out."

He reacted right away and the glass bottle shattered in his big hands. "What?"

"Like I said-" The cook's eyes widened as Franky grabbed him by the shoulders roughly and shook.

"What do you mean it's all gone?"

Sanji frowned. "We might be able to find a substitute until we reach the next island, but…"

"Hey, Franky!" Luffy chose this time to race up to the two and skid to a halt before a collision. He must have filled his quota of those today. "Are you done with that cool, new thing? Can I see it?"

His eyes glinted with childish excitement. Franky let his arms drop to his sides. "Not now, Luffy-bro."

"Aww!"

Sighing, Sanji tried to console the down hearted Franky. "It shouldn't take too long and I have some other drinks you can choose from. The Sunny can run without cola power right?"

The cyborg scratched his head and nodded. He winced a little at the suggestion of experimentation; the Enies Lobby incident showed the cons of the idea, but tried to brighten up anyways.

"Yeah. Sunny-go is wind powered like any other ship. Cola is mainly a necessity for the extra functions, so as long as we don't meet up with any Marines in a bind we should be okay."

"Good," the blonde cook could hardly hide his relief. If the _Thousand Sunny_ always needed the sweet drink there was a weakness that could be exploited. After all, how bad could it be with just having their shipwright a little low on energy?

It's not like he had a shortage of it.

Luffy was quickly getting impatient with the conversation. "Fran-kyyy!"

His nakama finally responded. "It's almost ready."

"Yosh!" Satisfied for the time being, the rubber captain ran off to bug some other unfortunate soul on board. Neither Franky nor Sanji noticed the devious smile on his face.

Finished delivering his woe-be-gone message, Sanji started to walk back to the kitchen when he detected an undertone to Franky's renewed cheerfulness. He decided to check one last thing with the cyborg.

"How long do you think you can last on what you have?" he wondered.

"Oh." With a metallic hiss, Franky opened the compartment in his stomach to show the cook and grinned. "I loaded up recently and have the maximum of three full bottles. Like with the Sunny, if we don't get in a fight I should be okay for a couple weeks, give or take."

Sanji gave him a quizzical look. "Lucky."

"Yup." Franky closed his stomach and turned back to his work, as did Sanji. His grin had been replaced by a concerned frown.

0~0~0

It was inevitable that he would be looked for by Luffy once again. However, Franky couldn't help not-so-secretly hoping it wouldn't be so soon after his discussion with Sanji and a mere couple hours of progress.

He heard the boy before he saw him. "Franky- ah!"

"Ah?" The shipwright gave up on any chance he would finish repairs, most of them were small or finished at this time, and turned to see Luffy trip over none other than Zoro.

His face hit the ground and his limbs went a flailing, yet he bounced up almost immediately, a grin in place. "Hey!"

"Zoro, are you okay?" Chopper had tagged along with Luffy and focused his attention on the victim. Who was still sleeping peacefully, sprawled on the deck. The doctor stopped there, but Luffy persisted.

"Guess what?" he exclaimed louder than necessary.

Franky wasn't in the mood for games and cringed from the noise. "I'm right here, Straw hat-bro."

"I got some stuff to replace your cola!"

_Oh crap…_ His eyes widened slightly behind his sunglasses. How did Luffy know he was…? Oh, yeah, he'd been there most of the time and he'd chosen to pick up on _this_ when usually nothing registered in that one-track mind of his.

Quickly, Franky regained his composure, yet shook his head at the captain's announcement.

"No thanks, Luffy-bro. I'm set for a while-"

"Ahh! Luffy! Where'd you get that?" Chopper squeaked in fright, his face very much saying how he regretted getting involved in this.

And Franky could see why.

Luffy drew out a green bottle and shook the liquid inside. "See?" he smiled obliviously. "I got some of…"

…the sake from Zoro's stash.

These kinds of things always happened, so Franky shouldn't have been surprised, but… there were levels of stupidity even Luffy couldn't reach and here was a premiere example.

Rule one, don't touch Zoro's sake, though, technically it wasn't _his_ as Sanji was bound to point out. Only, the swordsman enjoyed his drink the most and if that alcohol mysteriously vanished or was severely depleted he wouldn't be happy. A murderous rage might be more adept of a description as Franky or any other Straw Hat would know.

Rule two, don't put supposed sake into a usually cola-powered cyborg. This rule was more self-proclaimed with Franky's unwillingness to see what would happen. But that reluctance and fear extended to the most logical of the crew, namely Nami, with thoughts of disaster in mind, who once forbade Luffy and Usopp from trying the unknown for just the kicks, whether there were explosions involved or not.

Now, Luffy was smiling and he had several more bottles in the crook of his arm. Franky began to protest. "Oi, oi. You should put that back now before-"

"LUFFY!" Zoro's furious voice made Franky, Chopper and the captain freeze. He was on his feet, somehow switching from a deep sleep to complete alertness in a nanosecond. Franky wondered if the mere mention of alcohol had awakened him, and saved the shipwright from further discomfort.

Already on his feet, Zoro stalked towards the rubber boy, who made the mistake of dropping his arms in the act of making a run for it.

_Crash! Crash! Crash! Crash!_

All four bottles of sake broke, the liquid running over the wooden deck. They watched with wide eyes for the swordsman's reaction and weren't disappointed.

Before he could say anything other than, "Sorry!" Zoro grabbed Luffy by his shirt, drew back his arm, and punched him straight into the nearest wall by the staircase. Dust blew out from the splintered wreck and Luffy tried to wrench his head from the debris, the force of Zoro's rage more effective than anything.

Chopper had hidden behind the very durable Franky and peeked out, obviously wanting to help even where it wasn't needed or wanted, but wary of the swordsman. Zoro drew a hand through his ruffled hair and frowned down at Luffy with an expression saying how very much he wanted to punt the boy as far as possible.

Exasperated, Franky surveyed the damage from a safe distance and took a deep breath. As soon as he did repairs, his nakama had to bust up the poor ship again. He was beginning to regret putting so much effort into a cause that was doomed at the start. For several moments, he struggled to control his traditional anger when the Sunny was caught in the crossfire and was failing miserably when he remembered the mess he still had to clean up.

"Chopper, could you sweep up the glass before Nami sees?" Franky asked. They were all aware of the navigator's moods and the reindeer nodded before scampering off. Zoro was yelling at Luffy and it looked like it would take a while for them to cool down, so he headed below deck, shaking his head.

Sure, Franky loved having fun and was far from a responsible adult, like Robin, but there were occasions where he felt considerably more mature than his crewmates. Usually ones that didn't make his job as shipwright easier, it was a wonder their old ship had lasted as long as it had, he thought as he disappeared from sight.

"I see something!" Usopp shouted from the modified crow's nest barely five minutes later.

Nami looked up, shielding her eyes from the sun. "What is it?"

"Ah… um… it's… the Marines!"

The other Straw Hats were paying attention now and looked past the waves to see the blue seagull emblem of the Marine Navy amidst a snowy white sail. They'd found them.

0~0~0

In the depths of the ship, in the cargo hold connected to various other compartments that carried the supplies that were too big or numerous for elsewhere, Franky gathered up the tool belt he'd left there earlier and prepared to leave. That is, until he found what he'd subconsciously been searching for.

Hidden behind rope, a sack of dried goods, and barrels was another barrel much like the rest, except on its side was stamped the words: FRAGILE. HANDLE WITH CARE.

This was how Franky normally labeled vital parts of the _Thousand Sunny's_ many features, including cola, but he could hardly dare to hope. He took hold of the barrel and pried it open swiftly before looking inside.

A big smile spread across his face at his unbelievable luck. The barrel held at least five gallons of cola that would definitely hold him and the Sunny in case of emergency and past that.

Franky probably would have danced for joy if he hadn't heard the commotion from above and it was definitely trouble if it reached this far below deck. He closed and sealed the barrel quickly and was about to race upstairs when it occurred to him that the cola could be useful above.

He tucked it under his arm and sprinted to the deck, where a crisis was already underway.

The navigator was barking orders to every member of the crew.

"Luffy, take the sails! Chopper, secure the ropes!"

"Hai!" They both hurried to do as told, Chopper transforming to Heavy Point while he did.

Up in the crow's nest, Usopp adjusted his goggles. "Oi! I think they're firing-!"

BOOM!

A cannonball shot from the Marine ship and hit the water nearby the Sunny, sending a wave rocketing into its side. It shook the ship and they began to lose their footing. Franky slid before he righted himself and rushed to help.

Nami turned the steering wheel when she stiffened. "Robin, can you take the helm?"

"Yes, Nami-san." Robin took control of the Sunny's direction immediately. Without explanation, Nami ran into the navigation room.

Looking at the cola he held tightly, Franky contemplated using it for a hasty escape. It would be the easiest way, but would there be even bigger dangers before the next island?

His decision wasn't prolonged, however, as two of his nakama hailed for his attention.

"Franky! Get your lazy ass over here!" Zoro hollered.

Both he and the cook were manning two oars in the absence of the ship's built in paddles, their arms pumping simultaneously to move through the waves.

"Yosh! Coming!" Franky sprinted toward them.

Sanji felt the need to elaborate. "Took you long enough, shithead."

As he reached the other men, Franky put down the barrel. Everyone knew they were low on cola and Coup de Vent was an impossibility; until now. The circumstances had changed for a little while. He glanced at the pursuing ship as he grabbed a paddle. They were close, so close that if he didn't take action and use it soon it would be too difficult.

SPLASH!

Another shot hit the ocean, this time ramming the ship hard enough to tilt Sanji, Zoro and Franky to the opposite side of the deck and for Usopp to be flung into the air. Snatching the net against the mast saved him, but their situation was not improved.

The impact from the cannon ball had sent the barrel of cola crashing into a wall and Franky could see the dark liquid pouring out. It was gone like their last chance for escape.

"Damn it!" he yelled.

"Gah! They're going to board!" Usopp yelled.

Zoro got up, rubbing his head and groaning. "Where's that witch? Isn't she supposed to get us out of here?"

"Shut up, marimo!" Sanji growled and glared down at the broken paddle in his hand. The one Franky held was similarly destroyed. They'd hit the Sunny with their most recent firing.

"I see some rather sharp rocks up ahead," Robin observed from the helm, which was spinning out of control.

Hurriedly, Chopper ran to the railing and looked out. "Ahh! You're right!"

_Clink! Clink!_

Grappling hooks and planks bridged the gap between the two ships, as the Marine galleon drew next to them. Uniformed men raced across, guns a blaring and cutlasses bared.

Next to Franky, Zoro and Sanji leapt into the fray, kicking and cutting any flesh that got in their way. Luffy also appeared with his signature punches and wide grin. Nami raced out and was at the wheel, using the emergency option he'd installed and trying to avoid the incoming rocks.

Brook's sword sung its way to victory, Chopper's Rumble Ball obliterated its opponents and Usopp's Fire Stars burned with minimal damage to the _Thousand Sunny_.

Small fry like this were no problem for the Straw Hat crew and Franky watched proudly, throwing steel jabs and breathing fire at any Marine that managed to sneak past the front line. But, he couldn't participate any further with his limited supply of power. There were definitely drawbacks to his strength. However, Franky pushed on and they had just sent the last Marine flying when there was a high-pitched shriek.

"We're going to hit!"

They stared in disbelievement at the huge spires of stone looming ahead. Their navigator had done her best, but the currents had swept the Sunny, and them, up with defiant force. If they crashed… Franky had no doubt that the ship would survive, built as sturdy as she was, but… they wouldn't.

The others were having trouble comprehending what to do next, astounded by the perils that came one after the other. Compared to natural hazards like this, the Marines were nothing.

Franky reacted and jumped to the stern of the Sunny, knocking Luffy out of the way. He faced the dark sea behind them and raised his arm determinedly. His face and mind was set as he fired into the oblivion.

"_Coup de… VENT!"_

It wasn't much, but the huge gust of air from Franky's impulsive attack lifted them into the sky and the shot forward over the jagged rocks. As they passed over with shouts of surprise and advice to hold on tight, he imagined them as teeth in a gaping maw of frothy water. Franky would not let them get his nakama and his final thought was unswayed by the instinctual terror as they collided.

0~0~0

Tramping through dense foliage and over huge rocks, Franky was _not_ feeling super. The island he was now on was a mass of giant mountains and enormous ferns, making progress painfully slow.

Yet in the face of everything, there was some good. They had landed farther into shore, away from the worst of the pointed stone above the waves and Franky had seen that everyone was safe up to the point where they were thrown into different directions by the impact. It would be a test to see they were similarly healthy when they were reunited.

His confidence in his crewmates was strong enough that his main concern was finding the _Thousand Sunny_ and making any repairs as soon as possible. The shipwright didn't have a knack for navigating like Nami, but he wasn't directionally impaired like Zoro. If he headed west where he'd seen the Sunny last he should get there eventually.

As he brushed away the absurdly large fronds that were always nearby, Franky thought back to how he now had only one and a half bottles of cola left to power him. That Coup de Vent used a lot, but he didn't regret it. No, the shipwright hardly regretted any of his decisions.

The ones he did were branded permanently into his memory.

A suspicious rustle in the bushes made him stop suddenly. It also stopped and Franky took a step toward the moving plant, looking for whatever was inside. Then a pair of eyes gleamed back evilly and he had no time to back away when a ball of fur launched itself at his head.

In an instant it had latched on and Franky took drastic actions.

"Ahh!" he screamed and took hold of the creature, trying to pull it off before it pulled his hair out.

That's when the sounds of someone sobbing reached his ears. Franky dropped his hands and paused in his frantic prancing. That voice…

"Chopper-bro?"

He couldn't believe he'd found the little reindeer so quickly, but then again, he'd been walking since the morning and now the sun was high in the sky.

The doctor choked back a sniffle. "Franky? I thought I'd never find anyone! I'm so happy! Wah!" Chopper buried his face in the cyborg's blue hair.

It seemed like he hadn't realized whom he'd thrown himself at. Franky began to ask him questions while he resumed walking along the rocky terrain.

"Oi, what were you doing in there?" he wondered and ducked beneath an overhanging branch.

Chopper also ducked and replied shakily, "After we were separated, I fell through a tree into a nest and a gigantic eagle went after me. I was hiding when I thought it heard it… I was going to fight, but it was you…"

Smiling at the reindeer's bravery, Franky patted his head.

"Well, I guess it's the two of us now. Want to help me look for the others?"

"Sure!"

After hours of searching fruitlessly, they stumbled upon a freshwater spring and decided to take a much-needed break. The cool water was revigorating on Franky's face as he washed the dirt off. It tasted clear and clean and he began to feel his energy returning.

Nearby, Chopper was drinking in Walk Point when he abruptly stiffened and looked into the trees. Franky stood as the doctor sniffed tensely.

"What is it?"

"I…" he tried to look for a word to describe what he smelled. "I don't know," he admitted.

"Hmm…" Franky wasn't reassured.

For a while he'd had a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach, and it was only getting tighter as they moved forward. This place combined with the lack of nakama and cola made his hair stand on end.

"Franky?" Chopper moved to his side and looked at him.

"Yeah?"

"Why haven't you been dancing lately?"

He glanced at the little doctor curiously and his concern seemed genuine.

"I mean, you're usually really energetic," Chopper explained.

"Huh, yeah," Franky smiled. "Well, I don't know, Chopper-bro. Guess it just there's a time to be serious and there's a time to be relaxed."

The shipwright was quite proud of his profoundness, until that moment was shattered.

"I like it better when you're not serious."

His honest answer was said with a childish tone that reminded Franky that Chopper was still the youngest of their crazy crew. He laughed and the doctor joined in.

Their mirth during a crisis might have lasted longer if someone hadn't crashed down from above.

Both pirates narrowly avoided getting hit by the speeding projectile, with Chopper being the quicker of the two. Franky could feel the wind from impact as a monkey hit the ground. Except it wasn't just any monkey, it was the infamous Monkey D. Luffy.

He was staring at the smoking hole and ventured a little nearer when a scream pierced the air. His head jerked up as another person fell, but landing on his chest instead.

Franky's surprise was significant enough that he fell backwards. When he recovered his senses he looked at the long-nosed man lying, panting across him. He didn't move as he rose to a sitting position.

"You too, Usopp-bro?" His reindeer companion, who was investigating the hole, mirrored the shipwright's bewilderment and he rubbed a bump on his head sorely.

Usopp didn't move and didn't say anything between his wheezing breaths and Franky was about to shake the poor sharpshooter when there was a cry from the hole.

A familiar, hat clad boy peeled himself from the ground and hopped out of the Luffy-shaped crater. He looked around as if nothing had happened and sighed, "Ah~! That was scary!"

"Luffy! That's an understatement!" Usopp abruptly shot to his feet, startling Franky. "Why is it that whenever I'm with you I'm in the most danger?"

Franky and Chopper exchanged dumbfounded glances as Usopp shouted at the rubbery captain for being reckless, stupid, the usual things and said captain paid absolutely no attention.

Instead of his irate crewmate, Luffy fixed his gaze on a curtain of vines and leaves ahead. He stared at for a couple seconds before he charged through, leaving the others in the dust.

"Wait for us, Luffy-bro!" Franky ran after him, Chopper following and dragging Usopp behind.

They plunged past the greenery after Luffy to almost trip over each other as a sudden decline appeared. It wasn't very steep, but it caught them off guard, along with the change in scenery.

Lush green, rolling hills filled Franky's vision, seeming out of place in the general roughness that pervaded this island. But, the oddest, and most amazing part was the grove of trees nestled in the dip at the bottom. From what he could see, they were laden with fruit or in full bloom depending on the tree. Several sakura elicited a gasp from Chopper and the peaceful sight made Usopp exhale with relief.

And Luffy had vanished right in that direction.

That same feeling from earlier shimmered up Franky's spine, but he began to run after the rubber boy again.

The grass was as feathery as it looked and, as they reached the trees the fruit was even more enticing. A growl told him that he hadn't eaten since breakfast and the evening was ushering in.

"I think I'm getting I-can't-enter- this-creepy-orcharditis," Usopp moaned despite his pleasure from earlier.

Chopper rummaged in his backpack that he'd been able to keep during the separation. "Really? Here, I think I have a shot that might help." He drew out a long needle and pumped it expertly.

Usopp's face went pale. "Uh, I'm cured! What a miracle!"

He grinned, but Chopper's inherent worry stayed. "You sure?"

"Yeah! See?" He did a little jig and Franky chuckled.

Feeling reassured by his nakama's presence, he entered the grove of trees. Like Usopp had mentioned, they were indeed arranged in an orchard, though it was too wild and outgrown to be tended.

There was fruit of every shape, size and color and they took it all in while they kept an eye out for Luffy. Plums, peaches, cherries, apples, apricots, pears, it didn't matter when they ripened normally, their existence here defied the rules. After noticing the variety and the many fruit that he could not recognize, he was thoroughly captivated, but he also wanted to leave.

This orchard was too convenient. It had appeared right as he and Chopper found Usopp and Luffy, or they found them. The food was what they needed and exhaustion from the day's events was seeping into their bones. It felt way too much like a trap…

Out of the corner of his eye, Franky saw Usopp pluck a plum from a nearby tree. He was about to take a bite out of the plump fruit when it was suddenly knocked out of his hand and his mouth closed on empty air. Usopp turned to the cyborg in surprise.

"What was that for, Franky?"

"Don't eat anything until we know it's okay."

Franky's frown and assertiveness was enough for the sharpshooter to nervously comply. Chopper recoiled from the fruit on the ground as if it would bite him. "I could take samples…" he trailed off when his nose twitched. "Oh! I found Luffy!"

"Supah!" Franky cheered and they chased after Chopper.

When they got to the captain it was too late, or so they thought.

Cores and pits littered the grass at the bases of several trees and sitting underneath a cherry tree was a very happy Luffy. He noticed them and waved spastically.

"Hey guys! You need to try this! It's not as good as meat, but it's really tasty!"

It was a predictable greeting from Luffy. Despite being in a strange place or in dangerous situations his attitude always remained perpetually optimistic.

"Oi! Don't eat that! It might be poisonous!" Usopp warned frantically, pointing at the fruit.

"Huh? Whaddya mean?" Luffy asked with his mouth full, juice all over his face.

Stepping in, Franky picked up a fallen fruit. "Luffy-bro, you should've waited for us."

"Sowwy," he took another bite of an apricot. "I was hungwy."

"Yeah, I know…"

He was ready to leave and would probably be able to get Luffy to follow. All that was required was promises and a return to reality. The reality where their nakama were scattered all over this deceitful island.

Tentatively, Chopper licked the juice of an apple. "It tastes alright."

"Then it's not just the fruit…" Franky stroked his chin. He wasn't adept at strategizing and got things done with a fury-packed punch and handful of nails. But, _someone _had to do something. "It could be a different sort of trap with…"

"_Those?_"

Everyone's necks craned, even Luffy's, to see a swarm of pink and white headed straight toward them. Usopp lowered his arm and shook violently.

"Agh! Let's run!"

The vote was anonymous and, with the sharpshooter leading the way, they fled down the lines of deceptively beautiful trees. Luffy had his pockets stuffed with fruit and would've grabbed more, but Chopper used his head to start him running. After that, the swarm of countless airborne creatures was a constant reminder that if they didn't keep going, they would never leave.

Franky didn't care to take a glance behind him to see what they were exactly. As long as he knew their intent that was plenty and the distance between them and their pursuers could be judged by the beat of a thousand tiny wings.

Their goal drove them faster and faster. If they could escape the orchard, they'd be safe, was the theory and Franky prayed to whoever may be listening they were right.

Finally, they could glimpse the last pair of trees in the distance.

They poured forth all their speed, pelting forward to a safe haven.

And that's when things went wrong. Luffy's hat was blown off by the wind and fell behind them. Of course, he skid to a halt and turned back to get it.

"Luffy! Wait!" Chopper yelled and began to run back as well.

Then Franky's arm shot out and prevented the little reindeer for going any further. "I'll get him."

"Franky-!" Usopp and Chopper started to protest, but Franky was already pelting after the rubber boy.

"Keep going! We'll meet you there!"

Though the shipwright couldn't see, his other crewmates did as told and continued to run to the end of grove.

Meanwhile, Luffy had caught up to his beloved hat. Smiling, he swiped it off the dirt and laid it on his head. It would be unforgiveable if he lost it, his entire crew knew this, but sometimes that hat caused more trouble than it was worth.

As the boy straightened from fetching it, the swarm of _things_ descended, having closed the distance since then. There was no escape as the menacing pink and white cloud dived to devour Luffy.

Abruptly, several missiles shot forth and exploded in the air. The creatures were forced into chaos and many were burnt to a crisp, though hundreds more were left. Franky quickly tucked Luffy underneath his arm and dashed the hundred meters of trees until they were free.

Several of their attackers landed on Franky's shoulder and back. He swiftly smacked them, but not before their pincers left bloody marks. He threw Luffy ahead and let loose a burst of fire.

Ducking underneath the resulting smoke from above, he dove past the last tree. Exhausted, he lay there panting before Usopp, Chopper and Luffy came to his side.

"Are you okay?" Usopp asked nervously. The rubber boy looked at Franky unhappily, or more so the wounds he bore while Chopper morphed back to Brain Point and tended them.

He disliked the tense atmosphere and shrugged it off with a grin. "Yeah. Seems like those bugs didn't enjoy being fried."

At that, Luffy's brightness returned. "Haha, yeah! And you look pretty funny yourself?"

"What?"

Usopp also smirked. "Your hair, Franky."

"Oh." The shipwright noticed the shock of hair falling over his face, drooping in contrast to its usual upright do. After swiping it out of his eyes, he checked his cola supply, though he had a good idea of what he would find. "Guess that was my last bottle, I'm all spent now." A touch of disappointment tainted his earlier cheerfulness.

"There!" Chopper exclaimed, putting a Band-Aid on a pincer wound on his back and lowering his shirt. "You're lucky they were shallow."

Franky stood up. "Thanks, doctor."

"Heh, that won't make me happy at all you bastard." The reindeer wiggled in glee.

After that scare escaping the orchard, they plodded onward. Each step got heavier and heavier and their eyelids drooped. Franky's exhaustion was distinct, drained as he was from defending his nakama, but it was nothing compare to poor Chopper's. Within the hour, the tiny doctor had passed out and the cyborg proceeded to carry him the rest of the way.

Even now, he was snuggled into his back and Franky and the others wearily moved along a thin, winding path between darkening rock formations and a section of forest. Nocturnal animals were beginning to awaken, with other signs of night appearing.

When Luffy's step faltered, Franky knew they were at the end of their tether. If they didn't stop soon for the night, no matter how important finding everyone was, they would collapse, in full view of any predators and easy prey.

Yet, just when the shipwright was about to suggest this, the captain was too determined to let anything like physical exhaustion stop him when his mind was set, a miracle happened. They rounded a corner under an arch of stone and on the other end was the familiar shape of a sunflower lion head. Usopp, Luffy and Franky exchanged wide grins that shined white in the dark and welcomed the promise of comfort in discovering the _Thousand Sunny _and the reassurance that they would be reunited with the others soon.

That reassurance revigorated the pirates and it didn't take much to tell them they had come to the right place at last.

0~0~0

Franky couldn't sleep.

While his body wanted the rest, his mind was the exact opposite. His thoughts were frenzied with how out-of-hand their predicament had gotten so fast. It seemed eons away that he was concerned for their shortage of cola and now they were merely struggling to get by. The Sunny still had much of its supplies, at least from what he could tell from his quick sweep of the ship and that would be crucial if they had to wait for several days before the others found them, but there was still the matter of transporting the ship back to the ocean.

Hopefully it wasn't too far, since it was highly unlikely Franky and the rest had taken the right route. Ugh, but the problems after this were too much to think about. Franky rolled over on the ground by the fire that had burnt out earlier. They'd decided to stay outside, next to the Sunny rather than inside, so in case some of their crewmates were within sight they would see them and the flames if the ship was missed.

If he could get his mind off the present for at least a little while… A munching sound made Franky crack an eye open and he saw Luffy-sitting cross- legged on one of the blankets they'd laid out, eating.

"Luffy-bro?" he yawned and lifted his head. "What are you doing?"

"Nani? Franky?" the boy glanced at him. "I got hungry." He looked a little guilty. "Want some?"

He held out some of the fruit filched from the orchard and his eyes followed to see a rather large pile beside him. Franky was mildly impressed by how much Luffy had collected and realized that he was actually quite hungry. Earlier, his need for sleep had been first priority, but now, since he couldn't seem to doze off, hunger took the forefront.

"Wait." Franky held up a hand and gently shook both Usopp and Chopper awake in turn. Their alarmed reactions were swiftly eased as Luffy pointed to the food and they dug in voraciously.

With a look at the dead fire, Franky gathered more wood and lit it with some of the embers that were still glowing. The soft glow from the flames lit their faces as the fruit filled their bellies.

Chopper sighed happily. "Mmm, this is good."

"Hai," Usopp crunched on a yellow pear. "I'm already stuffed too."

"Oi, Luffy, Franky remarked. "How'd you carry all this here?"

Of course, the rubbery boy had eaten the most out of the four of them and the remains of the fruit were scattered all around him. Yet, he'd found the decency to slow down in the face of everything, so he devoured three portions rather than five.

What Franky hadn't expected was for Luffy to show them a shoulder bag, and then proceed to dig around in it. "When I woke up after I fell, this was next to me. There wasn't any food inside, but Usopp told me to bring it anyway."

"And you didn't bring this up… why?" Franky faced the sharpshooter. Luffy could be excused for forgetfulness, him- not so much.

Usopp smiled sheepishly. "Uh, I don't know. Everything was so crazy I guess I forgot."

That was the truth, so Franky dropped it, though his curiosity wasn't appeased.

"Is there any water in there, Luffy?" Chopper asked.

If there were, it would be a wondrous gift. They had food sure, but they couldn't make do without some fresh water.

Luffy frowned for a moment, then smiled widely. "I think so. Let me look."

Several moments passed where the boy searched through the bag before finally withdrawing a leather canteen. They could all hear liquid slopping inside and it was even better when Luffy found another one.

"Here," Luffy handed one to Franky. "Maybe it'll fix your hair."

Chopper giggled and the cyborg sighed.

"Well, I guess it won't hurt."

While the other canteen was passed around, Franky slid the second into the compartment in his torso. He closed it and waited.

The others watched, then abruptly jumped in surprise as Franky's hair shifted to a very spiky, very blue Mohawk.

He jumped up and did an, if possible, even more hyped up version of his traditional dance. "SUPAH RAD!"

"Rad?" Usopp murmured out of the side of his mouth to the other two.

The little reindeer couldn't do anything, but gape at the shipwright. "I think that was sake you gave him, Luffy."

Luffy laughed and leaped to his feet as well. "It doesn't matter! Let's dance!"

Maybe it was the careless energy that exuded almost unconsciously from Franky that they often took for granted that made the air of celebration so contagious, or maybe it was the good luck that always overwhelmed the bad for the Straw Hat crew in the end that gave them something to celebrate. But, either way, it was as their captain said, it didn't matter, they were there and they were together and dancing was bound to be inevitable.

Prancing around the flickering fire and singing boisterously, their late night antics lasted even later, until they eventually fell asleep, sprawled on top of each other. As the last to drift off, Franky grinned to himself. He was back with nothing in his way to stop him from protecting what he cared for. And he couldn't help noticing that there was no way his nakama hadn't heard the merriment they'd raised.

His last thought as he closed his eyes was, _that water was definitely spiked…_

0~0~0

Dawn came a new day, and with a new day came a mohawk-less Franky, possibly with the safe having aftereffects more similar to cola, and new aspirations.

The first of which, for Franky, was to begin repairing the _Thousand Sunny_. So far, the damage inflicted by the crash seemed minimal, but he couldn't be too sure.

He had just taken out his tool belt and raised his hammer to strike a nail when Chopper and Luffy shouted in joyful surprise.

"Robin! Nami! Brook!"

His head turned in response and the hammer promptly connected with his thumb. Cursing under his breath, he watched as Usopp joined the reindeer and captain to see both women nimbly climb down a tree.

"What were you doing up _there_?" Luffy asked, eyes wide with amazement.

Nami's fist became reacquainted with his face and Franky winced sympathetically. "Is _that_ how you greet me after we've been forced to wander through this muck for an entire day?" she rebuked.

"Sowwy," Luffy apologized, though it wasn't his fault it was a nightmare to argue with that woman. He held his bloody nose and Nami relaxed with some of her pent-up anger let loose.

She looked to the dark-haired archaeologist. "It was Robin's idea for us to stay up high, out of reach of danger for the night. We moved just this morning, then saw you guys," Nami smiled. "Though my back's going to ache for ages."

At that, Chopper began to fuss over the two women. Suddenly, Franky saw a familiar afro appear at his side.

"Yohoho! Nice to see you again, Franky-san!" Brook greeted lightly. He looked relatively unscathed beside some bumps and bruises on his skeletal face.

Franky clapped him on the back. "Oi! Skeleton-bro! Were you with Nami and Robin?"

"I was," he nodded. "… Until they kicked me out of their tree."

"Oh." It was all Franky could say. The musician had probably deserved it.

Yet, Brook felt the need to elaborate. "… It was probably because I peeked beneath their skirts on the way up."

So, _that's _where the numerous bumps from furious punches and red marks from countless hands slapping had come from. Franky's prediction was right, Brook had deserved his punishment.

Meanwhile, two more people emerged from the jungle foliage and Luffy's excitement rose to dangerous levels.

"Zoro!" he exclaimed.

"Sanji!" Usopp called the name of the second man.

Cook and swordsman staggered into the clearing where their companions were. Zoro's arm was around Sanji's shoulder.

_Am I missing something?_ Franky wondered in confusion. That's when he saw the gash on the cook's leg, bloody strips of cloth around his knee and how Zoro was supporting most of his weight, but not for long.

With a grunt, Zoro stepped to the side where the blankets from last night were and unceremoniously dropped Sanji.

"Shit!" Sanji paled and snarled. "Watch what you're doing, marimo!"

Adjusting his swords, Zoro retorted, "Shut up! You're heavy!"

"Then it looks like all that training did nothing but make you stupider!"

"Says the one who got his knee shredded by an inanimate object," Zoro huffed and jabbed his thumb in Sanji's direction.

Chopper hurried over. "Don't be so rough with him, Zoro! He's badly hurt!"

"That's what she said."

"Why you-!"

The doctor transformed to Heavy Point as the rivals went at each other again. Luffy couldn't stop laughing and running up to each of his crewmates.

"It's a miracle they both managed to survive," Robin observed and Nami nodded in complete agreement.

"Looks like we're all together," Usopp sighed, but relief was evident in his voice.

None of them liked to be apart from the others. They were more than a crew. They were friends they were family. Smiling, Franky went back to work on the Sunny, the sound of the hammer a constant soothing beat.

They were all back and dancing in their own way and that's how it always should be.

0~0~0

**Author's Note: **Don't give Franky sake, EVER. Nah, he was all right here, though I was severely tempted to make him crazier. Except it didn't fit in the theme of the story. As for "that's what she said"… I couldn't resist, I'm sorry…

I think I finished this relatively on schedule, though I must say this is the most random ass bizarre scenario I've done yet. I don't know why exactly, but it might have to do with the fact it had no real pattern to the way it was laid out, and I like order damn it! But, never fear, I was appeased in the end like usual. Oh yay for profound ending to humorous (I think?) stories!

The next and last victim is Brook, in which he becomes acquainted with a new friend in a similar situation as he, or not. See you next time! Thanks for reading, for your support and I welcome your wonderful reviews! ;)


	9. Dead Friend

**Disclaimer:** The infamous "Humming Brook" has letters inside his skull that says "Made by Oda" not in China and certainly not by me.

_Brook in…_

**Dead Friend**

Brook was used to being looked at with apprehension, fear or even terror. That was what came with the consequences of his Yami Yami no Mi and the misdirection of his soul that was worse than the green-haired swordsman's inability to navigate, in his opinion. The constant cries of there being a living, walking talking skeleton or "a servant of the Devil," was routine and Brook didn't react from crowds edging away from him. He was who he was, that hadn't changed with the loss of a flesh and skin body.

However, he did notice that, as the got further into the Grand Line and approached the New World, people weren't so panicked by the sight of him. The terror had faded in a vague apprehension that had been adopted as a common emotion among those surrounded by all sorts of things defying nature.

This was demonstrated once again as a young girl tugged at her mother's sleeve, "Hey, look Mommy! There's a skeleton with an afro!"

The mother gave Brook a suspicious glance that bordered on annoyance and ushered the girl onward.

"That's nice, dear. Hurry up, now."

Unperturbed, the gentlemanly skeleton moved on to a shop selling takoyaki. He _was_ planning to order some of the delicacy, until he noticed the young woman at the stand.

"What would you like sir?" she asked with a smile, not at all frightened by him, yet another prime example of being numbed to freakish going on.

Brook looked thoughtful, tapping his chin when he suddenly knew what he wanted. "May I see your panties?"

Four minutes later, Brook made haste, without glimpsing panties or buying takoyaki, and nursing a large bump on his head where the girl hit him with a frying pan.

"Ah, maybe it's time I did what I came for," he resolved.

He reached down and retrieved his violin case as well as his cane. Of course, while at port, the musician had to take advantage of more than just pretty girls. His sword was of need of proper cleaning tools as he couldn't continue borrowing Zoro's and his fellow swordsman had recommended what he needed.

Now, if he could find a katana shop… Brook wandered the streets for a little while before he came to a window with beautiful katana displayed. They were so sleek and well kept that he couldn't help, but admire them.

Striding in, he decided to take better care of his own sword so it wouldn't look like a peasant besides nobility like those swords.

It didn't take long for the skeleton to find a polishing kit that was good quality and cheap enough he still had ten beri left afterward. During the transaction, the shop keeper had watched Brook with wary eyes, as if he was waiting for the suspicious- looking stranger to draw his weapon, cut him down and burn the surrounding houses.

_These people aren't very trustful,_ Brook mused. _I guess I'll have to be on my best behavior._

They were good intentions and the musician was as polite as could be.

"Thank you for your services, sir," he bowed.

But the man behind the counter wasn't impressed and his tense face became even stiffer.

Finally, he had enough of Brook's presence and snapped, "Whatever. You can leave now." With that, the man practically shoved the change into his skeletal hand, careful not to actually touch him.

Thoroughly confused and taken aback by the unexpected hostility, Brook bowed one last time, collected his purchase and belongings and left the store.

As the door swung shut, he could still hear, "And don't come back!"

Brook didn't look back and continued a brisk pace. _I wonder what I did wrong, maybe it's time to leave-_

His thoughts were cut off as he heard the sound of music playing at a fast, carefree tempo usually reserved for jigs and other dancing songs. And Brook's knowledge of music extended far enough to tell the one who was playing was in between that of an experienced amateur and newbie pro.

Sure enough, when the skeleton came to the end of the last rows of shops he saw quite the festivities in a grassy square, surrounding a large, stone fountain spewing crystal clear water.

Dancing all over to the playful tune was a bunch of happy-go-lucky children. They were presumably from the port town itself, though Brook spotted some in ragged farmer's overalls that had a wilder and less domesticated appearance.

_Well, if two separate types of folks, if just kids, can get along so well, this town can't be too bad, _he revised his thoughts, preferring to be optimistic.

He watched the kids dance, holding hands or moving how they saw fit, content to view for the time being. It was the musician's theory and, possibly those in his crew who thought about such things, that one of the only reasons Brook had managed to stay somewhat sane while being adrift at sea all alone for 50 years was his optimism.

The very optimism that mirrored the youths jovial attitude towards life and shown in their round, smiling faces.

Of course, the thought of the Rumbar Pirates and their promise to Laboon who's completion now rested solely on his shoulders fueled Brook, but alive or animated bones, he hardly frowned upon anything or anyone. He preferred to celebrate, sing his heart out and make music for others to enjoy. That was why he had joined his old crew for they appreciated the goodness of living as much as he.

Yet, Luffy and the others were similarly driven to get the best out of what was thrown at them, if for different reasons. They still enjoyed music and their partying like the Rumbar Pirates, perhaps even too much, but the Straw Hats… uniqueness still left the skeleton wondering if they were really pirates to this day.

Their reasons for banding together in a crew that had somehow become so close-knit despite some obvious extremes in personality and goals were so entirely different from the next that it was against every rule and expectation of marauders of the sea since ancient times. Brook had been a self-proclaimed "good" pirate, as had his previous crew, but this was a new level.

Who would have thought that their dreams could range from making a map of the world, to finding the True History, to becoming the Pirate King?

It was unthinkable in hindsight, yet now Brook merely laughed, went with the flow and added his own dream to the bizarre mix. However, what the general public may not notice past the general impossibilities of the Straw Hat Pirates was the way they, almost unconsciously defended their crewmates' dreams as if they were their own. At this point it was as if all their goals had become pieces of a whole, and if one was threatened or deemed extremely difficult to reach they would fight until everything was in place. No one would get left behind and no one would be subjected to losing what he or she lived for.

At least, that was what Brook had observed since he'd become their nakama.

"Mister? Oi, Mister? Would you like to play with us?"

A small, blue- eyed boy with hair the color of straw tugged the tall, gangly skeleton away from his contemplative mood. He couldn't be a day older than six.

His foot had been tapping to the music for a while and Brook knew he couldn't decline the offer. "If you would have me, I'd love to."

As the giggling boy dragged him into the crowd of children, the musician could no longer resist his urge to join in the merry-making. After all, it was where he belonged, the place of most happiness.

0~0~0

Despite Brook's frightful appearance, the town and country kids took to him like fish to water. There was none of the tenseness or suspicion that the adults had and the skeleton found himself relaxing as well.

He danced right along with them, the sound of his bones clacking with laughter. Once, a little girl tripped, fell and scraped her knee. Only Brook opening his scalp for all to see stopped her from crying amid the shock, then giggling. Eventually, the other musician, a tall skinny boy playing a wooden flute, asked him if he would join him.

"Yohoho! It would be my pleasure!" Brook agreed heartily. He opened the case, pulled out his violin and set bow to string. A melody bespeaking warm summer days and full bellies floated through the air. For a moment, the younger children stopped in their dancing to stare and listen, but before long, they got to move again.

Beside him, the teenage boy smiled shyly at Brook and struck up his flute to match the tune. In turn, the skeleton quickened the beat and the duet played on into the dusk.

However, their celebration of nothing in particular came to a jaw- breaking end. It all started with a petty rule, but a rule nonetheless.

The sound of dozens of feet alerted the group and time slid to a standstill. Brook's partner in music stopped playing and fear passed across his face. His instrument had been stilled, just like that.

But, Brook was not so easily stopped.

Voices rose above the silence that now issued from the children, who all stood and watched a crowd of people approach. "There! That's the one!"

Without pausing, he looked at the cluster of people to see a vaguely familiar man, the very one who had spoke. He was the hostile owner of the sword shop down the street, Brook remembered.

A mutter rose through the adults, before several began to stand out from the others.

"I thought he was bad news, being bones and all."

"Doesn't have the decency to stop his noise-making…"

Finally, "Don't you know about the century old decree?"

"I'm afraid not, sir," Brook tipped his hat to the gaunt man who had asked the question.

Indeed, he had no idea what they were referring to and even as they tried to explain it made little sense.

"Stop your violin, vagrant!" one shouted. "You're under arrest for carrying that there sword!"

Brook looked down at his sheathed katana, looking very much more like a cane than a killing tool. He could tell by the shopkeeper's smirk, though, that he had told the citizens of this town all about it.

Of course, the skeleton's inability to know one could not carry a sword around without a written permit by the town leader or in the streets made no difference. Now, he could see that, even though they had a store specializing in katana, there was not a single person with such a weapon at their side, laden with hoes and shovels as they were.

It didn't prevent them from beginning to surge forward, but something did.

"Don't!" Or someone. In fact, it was the young girl who'd fallen earlier. There were tears in her eyes, starting to run down her cheeks and the pink ribbons in her hair seemed to droop with sadness. "Don't hurt him!"

A man wearing a deep, permanent scowl didn't even hesitate, "Why you little bitch!"

"Ah-!"

The slap resounded across the mass of people, adults and children. Even the mob behind the man acted stunned as the girl was sent into the dirt, a red mark clear on her pale skin.

_This_ made Brook's music stop.

Eyes could not follow him as he skipped from standing posed with his instrument frozen in his hands to stepping behind the offending man and already sheathing his katana. His split second between disappearing and reappearing made the crowd take a step back.

"Humming… Six Feet." Brook practically whispered.

His target had been paralyzed with fear, unable to move when at first it seemed nothing happened to him. The realization hit just as his body arched and a stream of blood spurted from a chest wound that hadn't been there a second before.

One glint of metal and his sword was a cane again. "Ack!"

He crumpled, and Brook helped the quietly weeping girl up.

For several heartbeats, the others didn't no what had occurred either or who had done it. But, one of the thugs was bright enough to realize there was only one person armed with a katana and only one "enemy."

"Get'im!" They all took up the primal cry, fueled by the act of violence even as they stepped over their fallen comrade. They were a collective whole, thinking as one beast with a single driving instinct. Brook severely doubted they would stop at merely capturing him now.

So he viewed his options, picked the one with the least consequences and blood spilled (which wouldn't be his because he had none) and turned on his heels. Before Brook sped out of there at full speed, he set the girl who had tried to protect him with the other children.

"I won't get you involved any more, miss," Brook, stated firmly. He turned to the oldest, the boy with the flute. "Take care of her and the rest."

He nodded, a determined fire in his youthful eyes. When need be, the timid would stand tall.

Just as Brook was prepared to leave, a small voice reached the skeleton.

"Thank you, mister. Please don't die. Promise?"

His customary laugh spilled out. "If you stay safe, it's a promise!"

Then, he ran.

0~0~0

He didn't stop, he couldn't stop, and in the distance he could always see the bob of lanterns and torchlights used in the deepening night.

The thing was, though Brook fled like a criminal, one who had injured another for he had avoided the vital organs, he did not feel like one. Why?

Because the gentlemanly skeleton with a slightly perverted side had morals, some concerning women, like Sanji, and others. The kind that simply dealt with matters of right and wrong. And Brook had always known striking anyone unarmed, especially a defenseless child was something committed by the lowest of the low.

To say he acted on instinct would be an understatement. He didn't need to think, the answer was obvious and the girl came before the likelihood the mob would be out for his blood later on.

Yes, Brook did not regret his decision, even if he was quickly becoming tired. But he did regret not thinking this through. He held his hat on his head to keep from blowing off while he held his case and violin with the other hand. Brook was tempted to wait for the men to catch up and try to negotiate. Possibly make it up to them in some way like community service or going to prison for a few days if it struck their fancy. He'd have to explain that the scowling man from earlier was, in actuality, not dead.

Brook went to the trouble of pondering all this for a reason. He did not consider his pursuers enemies.

They really weren't compared to his experience with those who were dangerous and wanted his dead. Such men could just be described as restless townspeople who had, perhaps been too stressed of late or had a bit too much alcohol at the local bar. Their misguided anger didn't warrant brusque actions did they?

Ah, Brook halted for a moment to take a breather behind an old barn amid the tall grass a little ways outside the town. It made hiding significantly easier, though the lanterns continued to creep closer right above the waving blades.

Sweat beaded his brow and he mopped it with a handkerchief. He really should've stayed out of trouble and headed right back to the ship. His righteous actions only seemed to lead to situations like this where he had to wrack his mind for the best solution. It seemed as if Brook had inherited his crewmates' knack for being chased and causing mischief, though the rubbery captain was usually the worst and had it down to an art. If the musician had been more reckless, he would have done what Zoro, Sanji or some of the others did in these cases and fight his way out of it.

Now, he would never admit this aloud, but Brook was marginally proud of his more cool-headed dealings when things happened. They needn't forget that he was a good amount older than anyone else on board and had a lot of experience. But, like he said, he wouldn't admit it, because even with that experience it was hard to stay calm.

Especially after Brook turned his head to look around the side of the barn to see where his pursuers were now, saw nothing and then glanced back to notice a sharpened stake at his throat.

"Not so clever now, are we?" a voice sneered from the side, most likely the owner of the stake.

Brook swallowed best he could with the weapon at his neck. When he'd been recuperating, he hadn't noticed the bobbing lights get so very close that now the lanterns and torches hovered in the hands of many angry men inches behind the first. "W-wait! I'm sure there's a better means to resolve this-"

"Shaddup!" rakes and stakes bristled menacingly with the cry. "We gonna gut you like you did our buddy!"

The skeleton glanced doubtfully at their weapons. They seemed to forget that, though they were armed, so was he and significantly better. His cane was still within reach, but he was reluctant to use it.

"I don't want to hurt you," Brook sorrowfully admitted.

"Hurt us? Hurt _us?_" a bald man began to cackle. "You couldn't do anything, not even a scratch!" Chuckles rolled through the mob, they were, once again, forgetting that Brook was much more capable then he looked, being a skeleton and all.

He was so torn that he didn't even point out that he had no guts to be gutted of.

But, Brook didn't need to think long and hard about whether he wanted to live or die by these men's hands. He snatched his cane doubling as a katana while the mob was distracted and proceeded to unsheathe and lunge forward.

After the initial surprise of their "helpless" prey suddenly attacking them, the people fought back, rather pathetically with their stakes and garden tools that were easily cut in two. Brook slashed and parried through the disorderly men, always just out of reach of their hungry clutches. His movements were akin to a wild dance, light, yet lethal, similar yet drastically different to dancing with the children.

When every one of them lay prone on the ground, Brook slid his sword back into its disguised sheath.

"It's only flesh wounds," he reassured, more to himself than the groaning men, quite obviously still alive. "I'll be going now-"

The unfortunate swordsman didn't make it far when something hard and heavy collided with the back of his head in a vicious down wards strike. As he folded under the blow, Brook could hear the laughter and his words.

"You're going to rot in the ground! Again and again!"

His last thought before the darkness closed in was, _I shouldn't have tried to reason with animals…_

0~0~0

It was dark, was the first thing he realized. The second and third were noted soon after, it was cramped and stuffy, followed by panic rising in his chest. Brook flailed around for several moments until he realized it was getting him nowhere, only making his claustrophobia much worse much faster.

So, while his eyes, or eye sockets, slowly adjusted to the lack of light, he stayed still and tried to sort out his thoughts. Even before he could begin to see the shapes, Brook's underlying instinct told him what had happened.

His body was erect, stretched out and stiff, there was no room for moving it was so snug. He was confined on all sides by a sturdy wood and there was a very noticeable absence of air, which would later worry the skeleton the most, but for now… he had to hold in a scream because as ironic as it may be he had been buried alive, or dead, depending on how you looked at it.

He was in a coffin!

Brook turned his head frantically looking for anything that might deny that blazingly evident, if cruel, truth. And it wasn't the comfortable, cushioned kind either, though why the deceased would need such comfort was beyond his intellect.

The awful contraption, Brook had never liked the look of them and would rather be cremated than left to decompose in the earth in a box, fit him to the last nail, which made him wonder if it had been crafted with his exact measurements in mind.

This notion made a shiver run down his spine, quite literally. However, that was impossible. Perhaps, Fate itself had predicted this turn of events. He'd arrived in town earlier just this morning. Had it really been that recently? It felt like eons away, which brought Brook to wondering just how long he'd been down here. With no way of telling time unconscious or awake, _days_ could have passed.

What about his nakama?

Taking slow, soothing breaths, Brook moved his hand around, searching for his belongings using touch where his sight was greatly impaired. There was a slim chance that the men who had put him here had left his sword and violin in the ground as well, but he continued to probe the cracks of the walls best he could.

Minutes he estimated, ticked by painfully slow, and the coffin appeared not only airtight to keep the earth out and the dead in, bad news for him, yet it was seamless, the crevices could not have hidden any of his things.

That is what he assumed until his hand ran across the left wall and the wood pried away in his fingers. It all happened so fast Brook only had time to cover his eyes as smoke poured into the small space. That wall had seemed different, maybe partly hollow, but he hadn't expected this.

When the dust cleared and his coughing faded, Brook moved his arm to see a gaping hole in the wood and right beneath it a faintly glowing, grinning skull.

"Ahh, a skeleton!" Brook shrieked at the top of his lungs.

The hairs in his afro stood on end and his scream lasted until his breath ran out. Only then could Brook double take and review the sight with some semblance of calm.

In actuality, the hole was not a hole, if that made any sense. It was a compartment, an extension of the coffin Brook was trapped in and that skeleton had been stuffed in there. From the clean, dusty bones it had probably been inside and unmoving for a long time. Maybe a disrespectful undertaker had tried to reuse his resources and make this coffin extra thick with a smaller section for two bodies to fit instead of one.

Or this unlucky fellow was moved to make room for Brook. He shivered again. Now, he was in a coffin _and_ sharing it with a dead man. If anyone believed him if he got out alive, this would be one heck of a story to tell and it wasn't over yet.

Brook peered into the compartment, but it was pitch black. Nothing else smiled back at him as this dead guy liked to do. He was unable to express his relief in a sigh.

That's when some of his luck returned.

Tucked in the grasp of the pale skeleton, were his katana and his violin case. It was a rather clever idea that would match with the musician's theory of the mob relocating the other body. However, Brook got an image of the townspeople having trouble fitting it by his side and opting to shove it in the hidey-hole instead.

With a skeletal smile, Brook grabbed his rediscovered possessions and pulled. But, they didn't come away in his hands like he had expected, the skeleton clung to them greedily. They were stuck.

No big deal, right?

Unfortunately, he had little room to get the leverage that appeared to be needed to free the sword and instrument from the dead man's grip. Though, Brook disliked the idea of touching the body more than necessary, he could move past that if determined. He just had to solve this new conundrum.

Another test that kept on being tossed his way like scraps of unwanted meat.

Yet, Brook's optimism knew no bounds, and jaw set he wiggled and turned carefully. He went about this method until he put all his decimated power into one last tug and… hit his head on the ceiling.

He slumped back, half lying half sitting in his awkward position.

Crossing his legs Indian-style, Brook faced the pile of intact bones and bowed, hands in his lap and no longer fighting a useless battle.

"Please, Skeleton-san. Return my things," he pleaded, using the name that he himself was called on occasion.

As if the deceased man had actually heard his forlorn plea, the bony fingers released its captured treasure and Brook was able to slide them out. He was cautious not to damage the fragile body, knowing how easily bones broke first hand.

Placing his cane and violin beside him, he looked at the ceiling coffin, then back to the skeleton. It grinned in a way that had seemed mocking at first, but was now oddly comforting.

He smiled in return and contented himself with high hopes.

"Well, we'll just wait it out then, shall we? I'm sure someone will find us soon…"

0~0~0

On his daily rounds, the petty gravedigger, who also doubled as a similarly petty thief of the same graves he unearthed, was unsuspecting of anything above the norm. The most of his worries was the usual getting caught and thrown in jail for being the criminal he was, but that was nothing compared to what was in store for him.

The monotonous sound of a shovel hitting dirt and throwing it to the side countless times echoed through the cemetery. He'd selected a nameless grave this time. In fact, there wasn't even a simple headstone, just a mound of soil that communicated that there was a casket underneath. Also, good for him was that it looked fresh, newly overturned so it wouldn't look suspicious when he refilled it.

It was common knowledge among others of his "profession," that you went about your job quickly and quietly, and in the dark. Lesser known, but just as important, was that you avoided labeled and visited markers and you never dared to rob a tomb. If the grandest of resting places were disturbed then the chances of being caught skyrocketed. He wouldn't get his body parts to sell on the market nor the pocketfuls of money that came with them.

_Clang!_

When the metal spade of shovel hit something, the gravedigger grinned crookedly and began to dig with renewed vigor. His anticipation grew until a simple, wooden coffin was revealed by the moonlight.

Tossing his shovel by the pile of soil he'd removed, he jumped into the newly dug hole, not too deep thankfully and plunged into the task of detaching the lid.

Five minutes and a sweaty thief later, the last nail came loose with a distinct pop, almost like it was happy to be free of its bindings. He wasted no time in sliding off the lid and peering in to view his future riches.

His heart sank. Two skeletons were all that greeted his greedy peepers. It was the fresh corpses with mostly intact innards that fetched the highest prices. Bones could be ground into medicine, but it was much less in demand. Those hopes had been crushed.

But others had been awakened.

At first, the gravedigger noticed that the two sacks of bones were in strange positions. In his decade and half of pilfering graves he had never seen bodies overlapping each other in the same casket. He hadn't seen them shift oddly and realistically as he watched either. Wait a minute…

"Oh! Look! Someone has come to our rescue! I told you so!" the taller skeleton glanced up at the man and appeared to address the other scolding, yet amiably.

"Wha-wha-?" he couldn't get his tongue or mouth to work.

He hadn't moved by the time the skeleton, clad in a suit and afro gathered up a cane, case and his bony friend. Only as he climbed out of the coffin and walked over to him, did the gravedigger manage to twitch a stunned muscle.

When the walking skeleton reached him, his eyes had bulged to the size of soft balls and his body was trembling.

The nightmarish creature grinned and clapped him on the back as if he were an old friend. "Thank you very much, sir for freeing us from that horrific place!"

And with that he left the hole that had been dug and walked on his merry way, still chatting to the second unresponsive skeleton.

A half hour later and the gravedigger remained staring at the site where he'd seen a _dead man_ with no flesh to speak of, just up and leave. His mind eventually processed it and he ran away crying bloody murder.

Though he underwent many different treatments, he was never the same.

0~0~0

Being stuck in a coffin for what seemed like years hadn't changed Brook much. He was optimistic as usual and determined to succeed and survive; they tended to tie in with the other.

However, after the incident where the musician returned to the sunny with a _skeleton_ in his arms his nakama couldn't help but wonder what the hell had happened while they weren't looking…

Even odder was when Brook proceeded to try to walk onboard holding the thing as he conversed in a normal tone with it. He didn't make it far.

Their decision was anonymous.

"YOU'RE _NOT_ BRINGING THAT ON THE SHIP!"

Outvoted, Brook had no choice, but to bend to his crewmates' will. However, he did get in an extra word with his new friend.

"They just don't understand," he confided.

He set the skeleton down and the skull grinned back like always. "Yeah, they never do."

0~0~0

**Author's Note:** Did I scar you for life? Because if I did, I think I deserve a pat on the back. Hopefully you won't end up like that poor chap of a gravedigger. So there you have it! The very last installment of **Bizarre Scenarios**! Now, don't go asking for more young'uns. Nah, I'm finished with this, but I'm not ready to hang up my pen-ahem- keyboard, yet. The last mystery story promoting this collection will be up as soon as humanly possible.

Enough stalling. How'd you like it? Is there something you'd like me to change? Any edits or suggestions? I will be going over every section to edit afterwards. I know I enjoyed writing this and I hope you did too.

Off the top of my head, I would say my favorites our Zoro's, Usopp's and Brook's stories. Though, I like the others as well. Don't be shy in telling me whose POV I wrote in you liked best. Enough feedback and I'll use it in my future stories. Thanks again for the support to get me through my longest fan fiction yet, and for those who have been consistently reading and reviewing you have my utmost gratitude, you know who you are! ;)

Arigato, my friends! See you soon!


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